How would you define sexual harassment? I guess that’s a loaded question, because today, we know that sexual harassment is much more wide spread than previously acknowledged. And, its not about sexual attraction. Much of the time, knowingly sexually harassing someone is a power trip. Even to those who don’t know they’re making someone uncomfortable, often they will ignore these complaints. From personal experience, anyway.
Now, I know that sexual harassment works both ways. Men and woman alike are guilty of it, as with everything. I also believe that women, in today’s society, are given more free reign in that respect. But that’s another post for another time.
Sexual harassment isn’t black and white. As I have learned, its a complex process I didn’t understand could be so damaging until knowingly experiencing myself, a couple of times in one work place to varying degrees. Two examples come to mind.
My first experience includes a man the work force acknowledged as a well meaning, yet odd fellow. Much older than I was, and yet we worked in a place in which the huge workforce contained many different kinds of people, and we talked. Soon, I heard rumours that he’d been talking about me while I wasn’t around, commenting on my tattoo and about how I looked that day. I also heard that he was telling people he was in love with someone in the work place, and they began to put two and two together. We lived near eachother, and he would cross the road to talk to me, and stare into my home as he walked passed.
The second example was more acute. The above happened over years; this one took a month. Another man, who’d started exhibiting strange behavior and outbursts though known for being mild mannered, asked to walk me home. I said no (politely), and later that day he got in my face, in front of other staff, and warned me against gossiping. A few days later, he gave me a handwritten letter. In it, he disclosed that he was romantically interested in me, an interest I’d repaid with physical and verbal flirtations. I had never spoken to the man. He warned me against playing with his emotions, and accused me of outwardly lying to him about my relationship status. He signed it.
I reported him the following day, and despite warnings against coming up to me, he did. He tried to punch the guy who tried to remind him of what he’d been told, and he was fired.
During this, I actually Google searched what constituted as sexual harassment, or just harassment in general. To me, harassment had to be defined by certain behaviours and actions before I could report it. And yet, I discovered that it wasn’t so simple, and yet, I had many more grounds than I thought.
If someone is making you uncomfortable, it shouldn’t be on you to cope with it, and let them go on. Don’t feel sorry for the lonely individual who doesn’t seem to realize they’re being a bit full on. They might make excuses for themselves, and they might even think that their emotions absolve them of any blame. It doesn’t. You are not responsible for how they feel, or think they feel, much like I wasn’t responsible for those two people. When they were asked to stay away and respect my boundaries, did they listen? Not very closely.
Some people only have to be told once, and they leave you alone. Others don’t realize their error, or do, but carry on anyway. That can make you feel so powerless, but you aren’t. Companies, at the very least, are obligated to listen. And don’t think that your harassment story doesn’t count. Yes, there are many more extreme examples. But who’s to say yours couldn’t become one of them, if not nipped in the bud?
Paint a Mental Picture 