Author: maymargaret

The Rock Blog

Rock History – A New Series

maymargaret

It’s been a while. You know when you just forget to post? Life gets in the way, you have other things to do and you forget why you started a blog in the first place. The thing is, I forgot about the very why of why I started a blog. I thought I had to streamline what I talked about, what I thought my readers wanted. But that’s not why I started a blog. I wanted to talk about things that interested me, like a diary for 1+ people to read.

So, in that vein I’m going to start a new series called the Rock Blog. This won’t be an exclusively Rock music related channel (yes, it’s about Rock music and I’m not suddenly going to become a geology blog), but to get myself back in the swing of things I need a theme. And this is what comes to mind.

I love music, is all. Raised on rock by my dad and the 80s by my mum, my friends and family say I was born in the wrong era. I quite like that about myself. A couple of years ago at work a guy said, “you know a lot about Rock for a chick”. I’ve never been referred to as a ‘chick’ before, but then it hit me. This guy thought I knew about Rock music simply because I knew that the current lead singer of ACDC is Brian Johnson. Is it so unexpected for women to know about Rock music, I ask?

I’m not suddenly going to become a soap box for gender politics, but I still want to talk about what interests me. And apparently Rock music facts being sprouted out of the mouth of a woman is not all that conventional. Thankfully, I have a Rock history encyclopedia for a Dad.

So, in the next few weeks I want to start the Rock Blog. It will focus mainly on older bands, the likes of more known ones such as Iron Maiden, to the lesser known sounds of Dr Feelgood. Who knows, maybe on the way I might discover some new bands myself? Rock music is a bit like Six Degrees of Seperation, afterall. In these blogs I’ll talk about the history, band break ups and make ups, interesting facts and if I’ve seen them live, a low down on the experience (save for maybe one, no one has been a disappointment thankfully!)

So, until next time!

*Commence intense research*

Opinion and Advice, Uncategorized

Relax, Poor Exam Scores Do Not Make Your Child an Idiot

maymargaret

Now, as someone who doesn’t have kids but has been a kid, I know children can be dumb. But that’s the point, right? Their brains are still learning, still shaping. Language is still fairly uncertain until around puberty, but before then and even after, their brains are messes of information that is new and exciting, and may not be understood appropriately for years to come. Basically, kids are goopy messes of random and instinct, but they can also be the most wise creatures we can ever meet. They see the world in a brighter, easier light than us adults. And who’s to say that’s a bad thing?

Everyone wants to parent a prodigy, a genius, the next best thing since sliced bread. The number of posts on Facebook of mothers and fathers humble bragging about a long word their child said minutes before goes to show that they simply want to show that their genes must be good, because they made this happen. But what about parents who openly say that their child isn’t bright? What about any adult in a child’s life who says that this child doesn’t have the capacity to achieve academically?

As someone who has had this happen to them, it’s not pleasant. When I was nine, my teacher, Mr Sellers, told my parents during a parents evening that I would not get all my GCSEs, I would not get my A Levels, and a university degree was way out of the question. My parent’s, who had historically heard nothing but good things from my teachers before and after this, hit the roof for this pessimistic and, frankly, dis-empowering prediction for my academic future. I was present at the time, and believe me, a nine year old can and will feel the insult. It was a huge knock to my confidence. We’re taught to trust the adults in our lives, right? We, as children, are taught, or were taught, that the adults are always right.

I’m seeing a similar attitude from a lot of parents recently, in response to their children’s exam results. From the ones who’s children performed well? Nada. From the family members who’s children or grandchildren performed poorly? Common phrases include, “Oh she’s not very bright, like me!” or, “Oh he did okay, he’s not the smartest kid in his class,” with a scrunched up nose that called for sympathy towards her clearly disadvantaged grandson. A friend of mine has a daughter who did well considering her life was undergoing a lot of turbulent changes, but he still followed it up with, “Imagine what you could have achieved if you had buckled down?”

I know, as a very average student at school, that exam scores reflect very little about a child’s ability. I passed every exam and got all my GCSEs, but with mostly Bs and Cs. I felt bad about it, but so many failed in essential exams such as Maths and English while getting As in Textiles and Languages. The fact is, until children are given that control over what they’re learning, many of them won’t shine until after school, maybe even after college. Every child has a passion, something that they would be readily prepared to commit time and energy to. For some it’s Art, or maybe Psychology or Human Biology. Many students can’t stand Math, and will probably do poorly in it, but if a kid loves to read and write stories, the likelihood of performing better in English or English Language/Literature is increased.

Remember all the anecdotal tales of geniuses next time you’re questioning your child’s intellect. Many of the most famously great minds performed badly at school, and one could argue that exams are not a reliable measure of intelligence at all. In fact, most of them rely simply on information retention and recall. They depend on how you are on the day. One might even call them unfairly emphasised as important pieces of the puzzle that builds up a person’s future. As I said, I was an average student, and now I’m doing a masters degree.

Give the kids a chance.

Uncategorized

Loneliness Isn’t New, So Welcome to the Party

maymargaret

The pandemic, one may have thought, has been a great leveller in terms of social situation. But is that what the evidence shows?

As someone who has experienced loneliness, I know it isn’t a great time. When I was 19, the only person I felt I had was my then boyfriend, who was going to university in Wales. By this time, I’d left college and injected myself into a sort of limbo where I wanted to study, I wanted to work, and I couldn’t see any sort of marriage between the two. My friends had drifted away thanks to little effort on my part and already crumbling relationships following leaving school, and there was suddenly nothing we had in common anymore. We all went our separate ways. One my lowest day, I’d signed on for my JSA (job seekers allowance) for the first time after weeks of resistance, went to my bedroom where I hadn’t bothered to open my curtains that morning, and cried. I felt the loneliest I’d ever felt, and with no one around to help me out of this hole I’d dug for myself.

But loneliness isn’t uncommon. I was just one of a small percentage of the population. Prior to covid, around 8% of the population in the UK reported always feeling lonely, while just a few months later, in the midst of this still relatively new pandemic, the data had shifted that number up to 18%. Covid wasn’t the only disease spreading, so it seemed. But does this mean that loneliness rose, or does it mean that because so many people were on their own, that loneliness lost it’s stigma and was simply expected?

Some studies show that, actually, covid really didn’t change matters all that much. One study by Groarke (2020) showed that the pandemic didn’t factor in as a risk factor for loneliness, and in fact it was due to circumstance; those hardest hit with loneliness tend to be younger, unemployed, students, divorced or with exisiting mental health struggles, none of the above due to the pandemic in particular. In fact, some studies found that the lonely got lonelier, and the least lonely simply made do with the resources that they had; those least likely to suffer with loneliness were more willing to participate in online classes, have friends they could call, and online events to attend. The pandemic hasn’t created lonely people; it’s simply cut off more ways in which they can emerge back out into the world.

I’m thankful to have the network of friends I’ve built up over the years. One or two of them have experienced loneliness and isolation, but as per the advice websites that cover loneliness online, they have called a friend, sometimes me, and had a chat. But there’s so many people who don’t have friends they can chat to, someone who isn’t a parent or a partner. If I was in the same social situation I was eight years ago during the pandemic as an unemployed, friendless young person with no prospects, I don’t know how I would have coped. To know that there are people who have experienced the pandemic in this very manner is tragic. To feel that loneliness is at risk of becoming normalised due to a pandemic that has made it affect more people in the short term makes me wonder whether those truly isolated people will get the help and attention they need, or whether the sound of loneliness will be the voices of those who experienced it acutely, shallowly, and still with a network of friends around them throughout this whole experience.

Uncategorized

Small Acts of Kindness That Aren’t as Small as You Might Think

maymargaret

I think that it’s better to do the right thing for the wrong reason than to do nothing at all. To be selfless, truly selfless, in my opinion, doesn’t really exist. As humans, we tend to do things if they serve us. Even charity is often preached with an incentive. A cuddly toy to sponsor a snow leopard, a medal in exchange for a sponsored run (not to mention the photo opportunity). But does that make it bad? Is the benefit of our own self esteem so selfish? Positive reinforcement does encourage behaviour after all (it’s what it’s there for) so why wouldn’t you want to feel good after doing something nice for someone else? Altruism makes the world go round.

But, there are so many things stopping us from being kind sometimes, that have nothing to do with guilt. Maybe we’re afraid of looking foolish incase our help is rejected, or maybe we might come off as patronising. No one wants to look naive or vulnerable either, and I’ve also heard say in one of my rare deliberate attempts of being nice that it comes off as childish.

So, while the world has been put on hold while we battle a pandemic, there has been so many stories of heroes raising funds for so many different causes, while so many of us are wondering what we can do. The truth is, often it’s the small acts that contribute just as much, or more, perhaps, than one central one.

1. Food donations – in every supermarket I go to there are bins for food collections in aid of homeless or struggling families, and sometimes animals, too. Ask around for spare tins of food, or just toss a few in your shopping with the intention of donating them.

2. Reviews – yes, reviews can make or break a business. Rant time, but I have one person in mind, who felt it pertinent to expose a small frozen yoghurt business for triggering displays. The thing is, one nice review for a small business can make one person’s day, and encourage custom. If you’re tempted to write a bad one, consider why you felt your service was bad. Was the server short with you? Maybe they had a bad day. Was the food late? We are in the time of covid, where restrictions and limitations mean that resources may be spread thin. If you really need to, contact the business and give them pointers. Otherwise; you know, maybe the people of that small Californian froyo business have reasons for wanting to encourage healthy options? The world isn’t built for you, Demi. Attacking a business and sharing screenshots shows one intention; to ruin them. But why?

3. Offer to help a colleague – if you think someone might need help, offer to help, whether it’s workload or just a task they need covering while out of be office for an appointment. They may brush it off and say they’re fine, but it’s nice to have the option.

4. Say hi to a friend – we’ve all been feeling isolated recently, and maybe the days have become so same old that we don’t realise how long it’s been since we spoke to someone. Saying hi let’s someone know that you’re thinking of them, and that you’d like to talk to them. As someone who has known the loneliness of not having friends, I know that this is such a powerful thing to receive.

5. Just being pleasant – never underestimate the value of manners and a nice smile; it might renew someone’s faith in the human race. You never know who is having a rough day, and just being entitled isn’t worth it. Smile and wave, boys. If a cashier person asks you how you are, ask them back. While it might not be etiquette, it might also offer a nice break to thoughtless customers who just ignore the person because, well, it’s their job.

6. Recognising if someone wants to talk – apparently I have a kind face. Which means I smile a lot, and I don’t look like I’m just wishing the person to shut up. And when I’ve been told I’m easy to talk to, it feels nice. And yes, maybe someone might get that vibe from you as a stranger at a train station, but as long as there are people around, what is the harm? I remember when, in broad daylight by the way, someone just started talking to me at the train station, and it was probably a little bit of a shock for him that I allowed him. He told me about the recent death of his parents and how he and his sister have taken on their business. He may have been bullshitting, but maybe, just maybe, he needed to offload. For every asshole, there’s 10 genuine people who just want to rant to a stranger.

Remember, though; you can say that you’re there for someone whenever they want you to be. But that doesn’t mean you always can be available. Maybe you need help, because, well, everyone needs help sometimes. Saying you don’t doesn’t change that. But, if someone offers you help, what’s the harm in taking it? If a colleague offers to help you, they probably feel good in themselves already. Don’t be put off by thinking you’re inconveniencing someone else. To every piece of help there’s someone who wanted to help, and wants to continue helping. Helping makes us feel good, and we spend so much time feeling bad about ourselves and the world around us, but what does that achieve?

Opinion and Advice, Uncategorized

Mental Health Thoughts – Week One – Stress is Not About Point Scoring

maymargaret

Stress, anxiety and depression do not need a cause. There isn’t a blueprint to each one with outlined causes and risk factors. Poverty, while a huge risk factor, does not guarantee depression. Likewise, wealth does not guarantee happiness. It’s an age old comparison that we sometimes forget, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to minimise someone’s suffering because we perceive them as privileged. We are all fighting those silent battles.

Opinion and Advice, Uncategorized

Vaccines – what caused our over-sharing society to become so paranoid?

maymargaret

Is this real life? Or is it just science fiction fantasy?

For 18 months, the world we see on our TVs and at the shops has looked more and more, and then less, like what I imagined the real life approach to a pandemic would look like. The movies are always keen to show social collapse, violence over a can of baked beans, and eventual uprising of the everyman who up until now, was just another regular pen pusher whom the viewer knew was capable of something great, because Brad Pitt was playing him. Instead, loo rolls were among the earliest casualties, our messy haired priminister had progressively appeared more and more squiff and while the death count rose and fell, anti vaxers were on high alert, holding kids parties with aggressive smile on their smug faces. I don’t like to use the term Karen, because. I’ve known some nice ones. But we know the type. Anti vaxers have created some hum dinger theories about vaccines. And as someone who’s fiance was diagnosed with autism very early on in life, I know it is a personality type with too many facets to be delivered in a vial.

But the latest pandemic has really brought out the almost militaristic conspirators out and given them a reason to be, and I saw this for myself at, ironically, a wellness event.

On a recent weekend, we visited a wonderful Living Well event in Shrewsbury, a town local to myself. The birth place of Charles Darwin, and I’m sure this is ironic somewhere down the line. There were talks about meditation, Buddhism and yoga, and tents advertising holistic healing practices such as reflexology and sound baths. As someone who loves learning about what others believe and why, while also learning techniques that may or may not help me, I was in my element, and wanted to soak in what I could. So, to the band stand I went for a talk about conscious eating. It was packed. I was approached by a fellow who seemed quite zen, and we started talking. It was then that I realised, when he mentioned protests, that one of us was at the wrong meeting. It was him. They were anti vaxxers and covid deniers, and they were promptly moved on.

This interaction got me thinking for the rest of the day. I would like to think that, had I stayed, what the conversation would have been like, and if they would have taken a bit of counter argumentation. I would love to ask someone why the earth’s governments would lead its economies into despair for the sake of a ‘scam’.

My favorite theory is that with our vaccines, we are being injected with a microchips. These microchips will gather information from us, track our movements, and some other cool things no one feels absolutely hundred percent about. Where are the breading grounds for such ideas? Social media. Anyone else think this is ironic? Yes, I know, I’m overusing the word.

A couple of years ago, I started work for a company that dealt in pensions. During our training, I took away some very valuable information concerning social media. One example was quizzes and questionnaires. We’ve all done them: which Disney Princess are you? What flavour Jelly Bean are you? How many children will you have? To find out this pivotal piece of information, we go through a series of questions like, what is your clothing style, what is your favourite food, where are you most likely to spend your Saturday nights? By the time you get your answer, the companies that created these quizzes know enough about you to target your social media pages with adverts on things you might like, based on your answers. If you answered that you’d spend your Saturday night reading a book because you secretly want to be Belle, don’t be surprised to get shown some great reading material on your feed.

Obviously, any amount of time spent on social media displays the nature of present society; our walls are adorned with memes our friends have tagged us in, parents are often more than happy to share photos and cute videos of the latest adorable thing their little one has done. We check in to bars and exotic sites we visit on holiday, our likes include favourite bands, books and movies. And that’s just Facebook. On TikTok, people share their family members and households, with everything inside, for potentially hundreds of thousands of people to see for the sake of doing some dance challenge (I don’t know TikTok). And all this is done through mobile devices we carry around all the time. We search embarrassing ailments on Google, we buy every day items on Amazon, we date through apps such as Tinder. So my question is, if we were to be micro-chipped, what other information could it take from us? We are track-able as we are transparent. And really, for those who are prepared to share every headache and bowel movement, what more is their left to hide?

Obviously, I’m speaking hypothetically, because that’s all I think anti-vax arguments deserve. Vaccines have eradicated small pox, they’ve paved our path out of this world wide lock down. The suggestions that they turn children gay or autistic (or, at present, robots capable of only thinking what they’re told via a chip beneath the skin) just show the lack of knowledge or awareness of how vaccines, and people, work. It’s understandable to mistrust the vaccines in terms of how quickly they came into existence, but even this can be rectified with an attempt at finding out how vaccine, or any drug, trials work. The vast majority of trials is spent waiting around for paper work to be signed, boards and committees to get to the next thesis in a huge pile of theses (is that right?), for funding, yada yada. This process can take years…unless it’s a world wide emergency. Suddenly, the demand means that the thesis is at the top of the pile and the funding is coming from all corners of the planet. Covid vaccines happened quickly because they were a lot more necessary than the latest new and improved paracetamol. And yet, anti vaxxers continue. In fact, there’s a very good book I do recommend called Bad Science by Ben Goldacre, who delves into the logic (or lack thereof) of how vaccines garnered so much mistrust. In short, all it takes is some unrelated research papers, and a dose of iffy interpretation. It’s shocking, and frankly disappointing, that this decade old book is still applicable to today in this argument.

Uncategorized

The Downside of the News Being Our Only Window to the Outside World

maymargaret

The news has been absolutely miserable (more than usual) for over a year now, for reasons aside from the pandemic. I fully believe that rather than the media aiming to keep us updated and motivated, it has been used as a platform for scaremongering and convincing everyone that the world is far worse than it actually is. When you’re constantly being fed news about the latest riots, deaths and racial battles, do you really want to go out? Or would you rather say home, binge watch a boxset and order pizza to make yourself feel better and avoid the chaos on our screens?

It’s not a new discovery to know that the media cherry picks what it wants to tell you, but there’s still a worrying number of us who will accuse the media of bias, and yet believe it when it shows what they want to see. Case in point; back in 2017 I went to California, and we used Lyft taxis rather a lot. This was still quite soon after Trump became president, and my colleagues actually advised me against going to America due to all the unrest over there. Riots and protests were being shown on every news outlet, but when we got there, I didn’t see a hint of trouble. One of our Lyft drivers, a young black gay actor and one of the perceived targets of Trump’s agenda, was actually in support of him over what rioters there were, and critical of how the country was being shown to the rest of the world. In fact, he’d not seen any riots either.

The thing is, if we see a story reported constantly, it convinces us that it happens much more often than it does. It was the case for the tragic terrorist attack in Manchester at the Arianna Grande concert. It was reported persistently for weeks, and dominated our screens on a daily basis. People started avoiding large crowds altogether. Perceived risk was at an all time high, but actual risk was still at rock bottom.

I also question why the media reports a lot of what it does for any other motive than to frighten. The blood clot scare of the Astra Zenica vaccine, for example. Worldwide news was made because 6 people had been found to have developed blood clots, and these 6 people were 6 of 8 million who had received their first dose. The chances of the blood clot as a side effect was literally lower than the chances of dying on the way to getting the vaccine via car. So why did we need to know that there was a suspected link? We didn’t, not until it was confirmed. As of today, it’s still stated as a ‘possible link.

The thing is, the news reports on the out of the ordinary. If a plane crashes, this rare anomaly will typically be reported for weeks and perhaps months. If there is an act of violence committed by one group to another, it will be reported. If it’s within the group, such as male on male violence? Not so much. Why? Because it’s more common place. But when this is all we see of a world in which we cannot travel to these places ourselves, we paint a picture based on evidence. This creates animosity and outlandish suggestions of curfews for men as a solution to violence against women, or courses for white people to convince them that although they do not actually care what race someone is, they are expected to see race and treat people differently by the same groups who say they want equality. Or a group of people get tarnished with the same brush because one unreasonable person is chosen to represent them on breakfast shows. Generally, we are good, reasonable people who just want to see the world as a better place. But that means interacting, not just witnessing. It means talking to people and learning about their thoughts and opinions, not shutting them down because they’re different to your own. If you don’t want to be friends with them, you dont have to be. If you don’t want to watch the news, you dont have to. If you want to but don’t like what you see, do some research. You might find what they leave out.

Opinion and Advice, Uncategorized

When It’s Time to Leave (Your Job, That Is)

maymargaret

Job hunting is stressful, and never so stressful when you have bills to pay, and no money coming in. It’s not just a financial worry, it strains your mental wellbeing and your sense of self worth, too. To be employed, at the very least, gives a sense of independence, usefulness and productivity. No shit, Sherlock, you might say. But in a world in which Universal Credit and benefits are treated by some as a wage from a career they are fairly cosy in, being employed feels to some like a choice between taking money away from others who need those benefits more, or having that feeling at the end of the day when you can put your feet up, knowing you’ve earned it. 

But there comes a time in so many jobs that many of us often dread; the knowledge that we need to move on. Maybe it’s boring, or dead end, or it just doesn’t pay enough anymore. And while having a secure income during the pandemic has felt more and more like a privilege, this imposing shadow might only grow as the world begins to open up. I write this blog now, as this is currently what I’m going through. For around 9 months now, I’ve been experiencing what I can only define as anxiety around my job; there’s no chance of advancement, and, to me, it doesn’t feel like I’m contributing anything to society beyond my taxes. I’m not helping anyone in the way that I want to, and instead I sit for around eight hours a day wondering what the hell I’m doing. 

So what’s stopping me from moving on? Nothing at all. Besides, in fact, job security. Today, that is a biggy. Not all of us can afford to chase our dream careers. Me? I want to be a counsellor. But in my neck of the woods, training and education beyond my degree and level four diplomas would take me out of work for more time than my managers would allow. I would need whole days to travel to a university an hour’s train ride away for lectures and placements and no earnings. Where I live, unless you want a career in finance, it’s very difficult to find anything.

But that doesn’t mean you should dismiss those concerns. So, what are the signs?

  1. Listlessness – listelessness, or boredom, or just absolute disinterest in your job is a red flag. This might be borne from a dull and monotonous task, a feeling that you’re not getting any closer to what you want to achieve, or frustration with work colleagues who seem to think that one mistake means the difference between life or death, even though it doesn’t.
  2. You can’t think of anything you like about it – at work, it’s not just the task in hand to think about. It’s the building, it’s the perks, it’s the colleagues. You spend more time with these people than most, maybe even anyone. That’s one terrifying thought, particularly if you’re not a fan. Maybe one of them has an annoying voice, while such and such over the way talks way too loudly about her personal life, and the guy behind you is too keen on telling everyone how educated and well connected he is socially. It might not be anything at all, and they might simply be lovely people who just don’t tickle your fancy. Work isn’t about making friends, but you spend around a third of your day with these people, so you may as well like them
  3. Any other job seems to have more purpose – There’s tons of jobs out there, some more desirable than others. That’s just how it is. But if they mostly seem like something else you’d sooner do because they tick a box that is presently unticked, don’t be too hasty. The grass isn’t always greener, but it’s worth the peek. 
  4. Anything seems like it would be better than this – I once had a job that was so awful, I would look out of the window and envy the people sat outside on a bench, going about their day, simply because they didn’t work in this place. I left after three months with no job lined up, but it was the right thing to do. I do feel like I did myself a disservice by not walking out with my bag or calling in during my lunch of watching the ducks, but alas, when you’re favouring watching the ducks over work, maybe you should rethink your path.
  5. Anxiety – anxiety over going into work is not normal, and it shouldn’t be normalised. If you believe that your work is triggering it, have a word with your manager. But, don’t expect it to go away just like that. If you hate your job so much, or you’re simply so bored with it that it triggers anxiety attacks, take yourself away from the situation and nip it in the bud. I don’t mean quit, but mental health sick days need to be encouraged if they are ever going to be accepted as just as essential as actual sick days. No job that doesn’t feel important to you is worth making yourself sick over. 

There are tons of other signs to look out for, because they are personal to you. The above are only my personal experiences. But what can you do in this situation? It’s always scary to make that choice to move on, but theres a way to go about it. If you’re having doubts about your employment, have a word with your immediate superior and let them know that you’re thinking about looking for another job. If you have that kind of relationship, they will only respect your openness for being so honest. Keeping your CV up to date can give you the sense of worth that you may have forgotten from months or years of doing the same thing over and over. We’re constantly learning new skills, and remember to include an ‘about me’ section, because not everything is learned on the job. Also, if you’re on the fence about leaving your job despite your reservations, volunteering might be for you. 

Good luck!

Opinion and Advice, Uncategorized

There Was Such Thing as Normal, and We Will Find it Again

maymargaret

Sometimes, I write a post for me. Actually, no. All the time, I write a post for me. A bit like a diary entry that I know people will be able to read. My thought is, what kind of thing would I like to read at a specific moment? What would help me right now? So I write something that would have done me good to read.

It’s normal to be apprehensive right now. A few months ago, we were in pubs and shopping aggressively to make up for the weeks or months spent in lockdown. By the New Year, it felt like we were back to square one. No restaurants to eat at, no Primark to shop in for clothes that we wouldn’t be able to wear until the next gathering. Just same old boring waiting at home, watching our lives pass by while key workers did their bit and saved the world.

And now here we are, going out again and trying to find where our normal is. I’ll be honest, it still feels far away. I go to the gym, and the odd meal out, but the arrow system and the increased number of anti bac dispensers are a constant visual reminder that we still have a ways to go. And it might be tempting to follow what an increasing number of people are doing; trying to rush into it. Since the vaccine has rolled out in it’s droves, it’s clear to see that some people think that we are well and truly out of the woods. But it’s thinking like that that kept us in lockdown in the first place.

So how can we still find our normal in these circumstances? And, importantly, how can we embrace the inevitable change a pandemic will bring?

1. Expect it to take time; it’s not going to happen instantly. There are enough sayings, proverbs and fables to remind us that things take time if they’re worth having at all. It might be a huge shift to go from staying in at night to choosing to go to a restaurant, or even from getting your shopping delivered to your home to going to your local shop to pick up the coffee. Baby steps might be your best option here.

2. Set your boundaries – your friends might be eager to rush out into the world and hug you the first chance they get. But this doesn’t mean you’re ready for such close contact. I’ll be honest, the social distancing thing, besides in terms of my family, has suited me down to the ground. I love having an excuse to not get close to people besides my own discomfort of closeness and touchy feely ickiness. I have a friend who is, contrastingly, very fond of hugging, and insists on hugs every time we meet. I don’t see the point in this; I didn’t miss her, I don’t need comfort, and I am generally not overly comfortable with it. When you go out there again, and see the people you haven’t seen for so long, set your limits to what you’re comfortable with; we’ve all lived this pandemic, and they ought to understand.

3. Not all changes will be bad – man, I miss buffets. I miss stuffing my face until I feel ill, but I also can’t ignore how it is rather a gross concept, potentially eating food that others have touched and, in any case, has been exposed to the air, containing pathogens catapulted into it via coughs, sneezes, laughter etc. I think the buffet is too ingrained into society to be phased out, but there are still changes I hope to see stay for the long term. I like anti bac being readily available, particularly going into shops where other people have touched the items I’m also going to touch. I like ordering on the phone app at Pizza Hut and not having to wait a very long time for the bill when all I want to do is go home and slip into a carb coma. I like everyone wiping down the gym equipment, even though they’re usually supposed to anyway but how many people really stick to it? I like arrows, I like order, basically. Even masks I’ve become quite fond of, particularly now that I can talk to myself without anyone seeing, or sing, or mutter insults to rude people. Sure, many of the rules and restrictions will lift, and they will be phased out, very many of them leaving with minimal sadness from any of us.

4. Decide what your normal you want, and chase it – not everyone entered this pandemic as someone who loved the nightlife, hugging, eating out most nights and travelled. To many, the pandemic brought very few restrictions, because that was how our lives were anyway. For me, I’m a mix. I love going out, and I love travelling and concerts, but I also enjoy staying in and enjoying my own company. Don’t feel like to have to do things simply because you can do them again. I can’t stand nightclubs. I’ve been to two in my life, and that’s enough for me.

5. Don’t let fear stop you – I know someone who’s been isolated since before Christmas, because she’s too scared to go out. For her, embracing normal is likely to be delayed and very difficult. Do things, and do them sooner rather than later. If you’re scared to go to a shop, go to a shop. You’ve survived a pandemic, you know what to do. Likewise, if you want to go to the gym, or swimming, do them. They’re safe and controlled at the moment, and as long as you do your part, you’ll be perfectly fine.