Category: Uncategorized

Uncategorized

100 Days of Nature – Day 62 – A Break

maymargaret
nature, Uncategorized

100 Days of Nature – Day 60 – Simplicity

maymargaret

So for a few days I’ve had a back back, and for the first time I’ve noticed how icky a bad back can be. I’ve not enjoyed walks like I do usually, I’ve not looked for things to take a photograph of. But this morning, I felt better. And what better way to start a good day than with a beautiful sunrise?

Uncategorized

Hypochondria – Sometimes I Think I’m Dying

maymargaret

I thought I knew hypochondria. I thought I had it measured fairly early on. When I was about 10, I saw a close family member fall into depression because she thought she had cancer. No number of visits to the GP would convince her that it wasn’t cancer. One day, she woke up, and she was fine. Until a couple of years later, when the bout started again. It took a psychiatrist to convince her, and the relief was clear as crystal. To me, she had finally stopped being selfish. Finally, she would stop turning each conversation to a symptom that may or may not be a sign sickness, made up or not. Finally I could go on the computer and not see the last website still open, the NHS symptoms of cancer. If it were paper, it would have been battered with use and crumpling. I also had a friend, who in what was to me an amusing state of panic thought her gums were shrivelled and her belly button was falling out.

Back in November, I found a non-cancerous lump. Had it checked out, nothing to worry about. I could move on. I moved out, carried on working, focused on a few projects. The freeing relief I felt after a week of absolute panic was indescribable. I had nothing to worry about.

But then, the niggling doubts started. My experience from the outside with my family members and my friends was only a snippet of the story. Now, I had to contend with the inside. Some of the thoughts that would bubble up from nowhere were just… stabilising. I pride myself as a logical person, but I now know logical doesn’t mean anything to hypochondria. Logic might actually be your enemy, sometimes. I’d be typing away at my desk at 1 in the afternoon when bam; what if she’s a new doctor? What if she had no experience? What if they told me if was nothing to worry about because we’re in a pandemic, and cancer can wait? What if they haven’t got enough beds for one more, what if they only said nice things because they saw how scared I was, because my mum was there? What if what if what if. Everything is what if. Of course, Internet searches only made news outlets present me with articles of women who found a lump, and were diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The fact that 80% of breast lumps have another, more innocuous explanation means nothing when you’re thinking that sounds like me. The fact that I had no risk factors whatsoever meant nothing to me.

This is when talking matters. Back when this started, I told my mum, and suddenly I felt like this weight had lifted. What I’d built up in my mind became nothing more than a little worm of panic that had no place in my mind. That doesn’t mean to say that it won’t stay there, dormant and waiting until the next doubt forms itself. But it’s those moments of clarity you need to hang on to.

artwork, Uncategorized

Things I Want to Say to Artists on Social Media

maymargaret

Social media can be great, but it can also be toxic. Pointing out the obvious, I know. But I have a specific reason for that. As an artist, I know how easy it is to get sucked into the world of follow for follow and what not. This is my second post on this topic, because really it just makes me sad to see people burn themselves out chasing likes, follows and fame.

The truth is, there’s a sad reality around being an artist on social media. And it’s this; for every artist who gets recognition, there’s hundreds who give up on their craft, or their aspirations to be a good or great artist, because they think no one is paying attention to their work. They think, “if no one likes my work, this means I’m no good,” or the like. This is not the case. I’m going to be blunt here, I’ve seen many great, skilled artists with very few followers on Instagram, while those with limited skill have thousands. I myself have under 300, and this used to bother me.

And then, the other day, I saw on Facebook someone griping about not being able to get above 750 followers, because people followed and unfollowed days later, and so posted her link on a few art pages for people to follow. This was responded to with the dreaded ‘follow for follow’ requests.

Now, I think what her problem was was that each person who unfollowed was formally expecting a follow in return, and so stubbornly clicked that button in protest. So many artists want something in return for their simple click of a button, and that is how it has become such a powerful action, the difference, for some, between having a day confident of one’s skill, or thinking you’re a failure because not enough people liked your latest post.

But I’ve being thinking about this during this pandemic. Afterall, if anything it has been a time for reflection, where social media has become such a prized tool for networking, what with an opportunity for small businesses to potentially thrive in the face of mass store closures. Drawing may be your income, but for those of us who just like to create, where do you draw the line?

This is how I see it;

1. Being an artist is often about reciprocation ; you’ll get a follow or a like because people like your work. Sometimes, however, it’s because they want your likes and follows in return.

2. If you draw for likes, you’re not creating for good reasons ; drawing is such a sharable, useful skill. But what is the point in doing something that ought to be relaxing, inspiring or just something that is meant to bring you joy, if you’re going to get stressed and miserable over it instead?

3. Stick to what you’re good at ; some people can pluck an idea out of their head, and put it to paper. Others can replicate a face directly with pencils. But if you have a niche, no matter how obscure it is, that will bring you much more happiness than attempting a shareable fan art piece of the latest movie character you probably don’t care about.

4. Think about turning art into your income; really think about it. Drawing day in and night out might sound like a tremendous gift, but do you really want to turn something you love into a chore? I remember when I was fourteen, having started my GCSEs at school, and I chose media instead of art. I was told this was stupid numerous times because, for me, they thought art would be an easy win. Even one of my teachers told me I wasted a GCSE. But I also love film, and thats why I chose media studies. It wasn’t wasting a qualification in anyway, and if anything, I feel I love my skill more because I have a choice in it. But customers, in short, can be crabby. Most are delightful, don’t get me wrong, but you also get the ones who don’t understand that a drawing is an interpretation, not a print out. Drawing is a honed skill with a person’s hand doing it, not a soulless computer. It takes time, resources and confidence to put yourself out there, and confidence can shatter just like that.

I’m not trying to put anyone off. In fact, I’m trying to be that pragmatic person who wants artists to keep loving what they do. If you don’t get so many likes as you thought you would, that’s okay. Van Gogh was questioned, doubted and insulted for his percieved lack of skill, and today is arguably the most celebrated artist of his generation. There’s so many of us now, and so much talent out there. Talent shouldn’t be wasted on shallow things such as likes.