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The Midnight Library by Matt Haig – Why You Should Read it Now

maymargaret

I have a kind of fondness for writers who write based on themselves. There’s no pretention about the emotions described, because you get the sense that they’ve felt them, thought about them in hind sight, thought about how to project them in a way the reader will understand. The reader, such as myself, will know only too well. Nora is that kind of character. A character whose gotten in her own way, filled with potential and yet, somehow missed the boat.

I kept seeing this book trending on Twitter. I rarely go on Twitter. I only started going on when I heard about all the drama going on, some people declaring unpopular opinions and insights (some I agreed with) while others i intended to join the band of argumentative many. The only time I have done this is in fact when one particular actor decided to break lockdown rules and insult the NHS while he was at it. Anyway, I’m babbling. It was on Twitter that I learned about this book, probably the only good Twitter has done me.

Now, I knew what this book was about before I got it. Its about regrets. I neglected to read it so soon because I hadn’t finished a book in a month or so. I also had a feeling how it would end. The character lives in Bedford, and I’m hoping that’s an intentional clue (Bedford Falls is the hometown of one George Bailey). Its not a book for those who like twists and turns, or much else besides musings about inner psychologies of the average Joe. But its not trying to be anything but. Its nice, relatable, and its a believable journey. She doesn’t end up with all the answers. But its a start.

I also think this is a good book for someone who’s thinking about writing themselves, such as myself. The writing isn’t sophisticated or flowery, or at least that’s the impression I got. It was a blow by blow, some parts like a diary in how emotions were described. As I say, in a detail that suggested the writer felt them himself.

I like any writer who bases a character on themselves. There’s a line, of course (Stephanie Meyer, Twilight). But that shouldn’t discourage budding writers to use themselves too, should it? A large portion of Stephen King’s leading characters are male writers.

So why should you read this book, now? Well, because this is a time when many of us are standing still, watching time go by while others are making waves in their respective relevant fields. Some are thriving, while others are stuck at home in front of a screen wondering what happened. Social media filled with people making the best of their time while they have it. This book serves as a reminder that what ifs don’t always mean happiness, or fulfillment. It makes sense, too, in a none cheesy way.

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An Overdue Covidiot Rant

maymargaret

Has anyone else rolled their eyes more than normal in the last few weeks? Because I have. And not just in that what are they like the little tykes kind of manner. I mean the, what on earth are you thinking you absolute *very bad word I’m not comfortable saying on the internet* kind of way.

Usually in terms of covid. I know, I know. Covid again. We’re all living it, right? But some aren’t. Apparently, some are immune to the rules. Inject exaggerated quote marks to the word immune. They’re a select minority, but I think that’s why they’re so infuriating.

For a while, I’ve been seeing the terms conspiracy and mind control. Apparently, covid is a conspiracy to keep us under control. I beg the question, how on earth does keeping families apart, urging people not to go and spend their money at restaurants, creating strain for an already stretched national health service, benefit the government or the powers that be? Genuine question. I’d love to hear the rational.

Secondly, two celebrities have been exposed as flouting the rules. On social media. One of them infuriated me more than one. This one was a birthday party. How many people have forgone birthday celebrations, gatherings with families and (sorry to be grim) meetings with dying family members, because of covid? And yet a 30th birthday party goes ahead. Are these people so used to worship that they think outright disregard for rules will just further reinforce their status as higher than us normal folk? Or do they think a shallow apology in which they throw buzzwords out such as ‘misjudged’ will earn pity?

This has been ongoing for the better part of a year. A year, for many. How can you not know how to judge the situation by now?

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Simple Underrated Pleasures

maymargaret

1. Going for a walk or a run when the sky is beautiful.

2. Clean sheets and lavender after a long day.

3. Watching a good old movie.

4. Eating something just that little bit indulgent with some mindful music playing.

5. Breaking the monotony at your desk by playing a cheesy classic; my present choice is Celine Dion’s version of I Drove All Night.

6. Eating alone in a cafe or restaurant, not a rush or care in the world.

7. Appreciating the colours of the clouds just as evening is settling in during winter.

8. Going to bed knowing that you did your best, were your healthiest, and now this is your time.

9. Realising you don’t have to be productive all the time to improve yourself and your mood

10. Doing something that typically causes you anxiety, because, at the end of the day, what the hell.

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Reasons to Create – Besides Views and Likes

maymargaret

When it comes to being an artist, I’m not a fan of social media. If you read my views concerning Instagram and using it to get follows and likes, you probably gathered this already. But, in a climate of so many creaters, its probably crossed your mind once or twice to just down tools, and find something else to do. Or, maybe you’ve been tempted to sacrifice what makes your work unique for something more uniform, more sharable. More potentially viral.

This has happened to too many. Sometimes, a born artist just isn’t a born advertiser of their own work. Maybe modesty gets in the way, or the paranoia that many will say you think you’re better than you are puts you off. For me, self promotion is just a nightmare, and I can’t do it. I can’t be one of those people who sends out their own work to the personal accounts of potential audience members. I tried it once to see how it went, and I just felt like a double glazing sales person.

On the flip side, I also question why being an artist means, to other people, that you should get your art out there. Now, hear me out. I know what you’re thinking, what is the point? What is the point in creating artwork if you’re the only person who sees it, or at most, the friends and family who follow you on your Facebook page?

The thing is, self promotion can be exhausting. I’ve said it before, I think some artists *ahem content farms ahem* but more effort into social media and making sharable content than actually putting effort and passion into their work. Its disheartening to say the least, but you shouldn’t stop.

So why should you keep creating, even if you don’t want to advertise?

1. Its nice to have a talent – I love creating. Its something I’ve always done, and it’s one source of self pride I have when I feel a bit rubbish. Whether it’s painting, sketching or pottery, I’ve always found myself feeling much better after doing something; as long as you like it and feel proud, what else matters?

2. An outlet – creating can relieve stress. Whether its a mindful exercise or just something to take your mind away from something causing you anxiety, having that time away to just make something with your own skill can be highly cathartic.

3. It doesn’t mean you can’t make money – over the last few months I’ve had a few commissions; birds, family portraits, and pet portraits. Sometimes, family can be very useful for singing your praises, and soon the requests start rolling in.

4. Its not how it used to be – one of the most widely used anecdotes artists use to console their lack of sales is that Van Gogh sold one painting in his lifetime, to a man called Julien Tanguey. But we are not in Van Gogh’s lifetime, and now, so many styles and methods are accepted that if Van Gogh were of today’s generation, his success may have been different. Who knows. Its mere speculation. But, again, there’s just so many artists battling for follows, recognition, views… who knows whether Van Gogh’s work would have been so unique and distinctive in today’s climate?

5. It might happen one day, so keep going – as arduous as it might be, if you’re that sure you want to get recognition, then just keep going. Stick to your principles and style, don’t be afraid to try new things if that’s what you want to do. Work up your portfolio, and stay true to yourself. Utilise your imagination. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to stumble across you.

6. You can still inspire – a couple of months ago, I went to London in something I can only describe as escaping. I just felt generally rubbish, and needed a change of scenery, people, all that. One day, I was walking around a very quiet National Gallery, and got a ping through Facebook. Someone had spotted the below painting on a page, and she was asking permission to try and recreate it. It was a lovely moment, and I was more than happy to give permission.

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Adulthood is Who You Are – Not what You’ve Achieved

maymargaret

I got accepted for an apartment yesterday. This might be no big deal for many my age (27) but it is to me. This is not only my first apartment. I’m moving out of my family home.

I’ve been self conscious about this fact, because so many people I know are already married with kids, a house of their own. All that adult stuff we’re told makes you an adult.

But most of my friends haven’t got that far yet. And yet, they still felt like more adult to me. They drive, for one. I don’t. I’ve settled on the fact that I’m just not meant to be a driver, and frankly, I’m okay with that. I’ve failed my test enough now to know its not meant to be.

I have been treated differently for this reason, however. Because I don’t drive or have chosen to stay at home until I could save enough for a deposit, I’ve often been called out for my lack of life experience. But this isn’t life experience. Its just a different life experience.

I’m sure loads of people my age have confronted this… this self anxiety, for want of a better term. Lying awake at night, wondering whether that person is more adult because they’ve done this, or done that. But now I see the use in having these thoughts. It really makes you see just what makes an adult. Is it a belief that as long as you have a car, house and bills, you quality as the font of wisdom? Or is it an awareness that often, these are just drilled into us to keep us spending, because apparently adulthood is so desirable?

So what if my life experience is different? I’ve still done my degree. I’ve still been in full time employment for my whole adult life. I’ve still paid my taxes. I’ve known work stress and anxiety, I’ve travelled much more than those who boast more life experience and have the driving licence to prove it.

So I say this; don’t be self conscious about where you are in life. I’ve gone too long thinking that I’m deserving of the condescension. If I’d followed that path, I wouldn’t feel what I feel now. Being an adult and being a grown up are two different concepts.

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How to Paint a Goldfinch

maymargaret

So I thought I’d record a digital painting of a goldfinch. I painted a few birds earlier in the year for a local care home, and just found it so relaxing to paint them, as well as interesting. The goldfinch in particular is so striking visually that no matter what medium you use, its quite easy to replicate the basic elements with bold, striking colours.

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My Favourite Classic Novels – And Not Because They’re Classics

maymargaret

There are people who read classics, because they’re classics. And yes, when you say you’ve read something and you get called well read because you’ve read that particular book, its nice. Even when the individual doesn’t seem to have a very good grasp on what being well read means, it feels good, because you know what it means.

But there are some who only read the classics for that reason. And that might mean spending hours on a book, not really enjoying it. So I’ve decided to make a ‘in no particular order’ list of some of my favourite books, that just happen to be classics.

1. Persuasion, Jane Austen – I went through a Jane Austen stage a couple of years ago when I read each completed novel, back to back, starting with Pride and Prejudice. That, Sense and Sensibility, and Persuasion were my favourite ones. I never really gelled so well with the others. But Persuasion remains top, because of its maturity. While the others focus on a girl or a woman in her late teens/ early 20s, Anne Elliot is a woman of 27, who has alot of regret. She’s the relatable one in a family of snobs who’s sole care is connection’s and vanity. A bit like a parody of many of the Austen families that came before them. The book sees Anne reunited with the man she turned down years before (because of her family status), during which she deals with the regret of potentially seeing him married off elsewhere, believing he no longer loves her. The draw for me was that for most of the book, I just wanted them to interact. So much is spent in that awkward phase of strained politeness and pining, that the resolution is a huge relief, and I’ve read that ending multiple times. Side note, the 1995 movie, available on YouTube, is just perfect.

2. Villette, Charlotte Bronte – there’s something about Charlotte’s work that seems to draw me in better than Emily’s, and I think its because her characters were based on herself, which gives the lead character dimension. Villette is the story of Lucy Snow, as she grows up to work at a French school as a teacher. The love interest, M. Paul, isn’t perfect by any means, and can be a little loathsome at times. But, he is essentially kind and good, and that just makes his suggested fate all the more tragic.

3. Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky – It’s a bit of a grim story, but not all good stories make you feel good things. It tells the story of a student in need of money, planning and committing a murder to attain it. We spend the vast majority of the book watching this character’s descent into madness over the guilt of his crimes and the paranoia of being caught, despite having covered his tracks. It studies a man driven to crime despite what turns out to be an otherwise good and kind character who has shown heroism, and who ultimately seeks redemption.

4. Anything ‘Jeeves’, P G Woodhouse – I’ve talked about these stories in one of my previous posts, and for good reason. I just love them. The style, the way of talking, the narration by Bertie Wooster. They’re all short stories within themselves, with quietly absurd plots and a bunch of rich people getting stressed over silly things like moustaches and posh relatives. The interactions between Wooster and Jeeves are wonderfully comical, particularly when Jeeves is unhappy about something Bertie has done. It’s always lighthearted, too. And we need a bit of that in our lives.

5. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens – it’s short and wonderful and one of my favourite stories of all time. I watch every adaption I can get my hands on at Christmas. Reading it just extends the experience, prolongs the anticipation of his redemption, and is just a lovely, cosy festive read. With candles, and a fire. And a blanket. And cake.

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‘Today I Did’ Lists – Like To Do Lists, But With More Possibilities

maymargaret

I love to do lists, and I loathe to do lists. Making a to do list can make one feel so productive, so important. You can look upon it and think, there. Now all I have to do today is to achieve all these things, and I’m productive. I’ll be achieving something. I will go to bed tonight, and I’ll sleep soundly.

More often than not, however, my lists go incomplete. I’ve not done my 15 minutes of Duolingo French, or put my washing away, or any other apparently essential task that will take me one step forward to being a fully functioning adult who feels smug with all the things they’ve managed to achieve before tea time. Not achieving these things make me stressed, no matter how little or unimportant they are. It means going to bed with no sense of achievement at all, and that is toxic productivity for you.

So I’ve had a brain child today. This evening, actually. I’ve realised I’m much more productive without a list, and so the ‘what I did today’ list is born. Its basically making a list of, well, what you did that day. It’s probably already a thing, and nonetheless my present brain child probably needs a snappier name. But even if it is already a thing, this is why you should be doing it.

1. No set up for fail – it’s tempting to put too much on a to do list. Five items doesn’t seem enough, but 10 does. 15 – even better. But sometimes, a small task (such as my 15 minute Duolingo sessions) can seem daunting when written down. Only doing 10 minutes might mean not being able to tick it off. But, instead of focusing on what you didn’t do, at the end of the day, making a list of all the things you managed to achieve in the last few hours could make a huge difference. A 10 minute Duolingo session can finally make the cut.

2. Better quality – if I put myself down to do something, I’ll probably feel like doing the bare minimum, just so I can tick it off. It counts, right? But it doesn’t always feel good doing things that way, and can take the fun out of it. In contrast, doing something spontaneously, like a run or a big cleaning session, can probably turn out better than if planned. We’re doing it because we want to.

3. More productive – for me, this has made me more productive, and I see things as less of a chore. This evening, I cleaned the kitchen, recorded a video for my YouTube channel, designed some Christmas cards for my mum’s care home, and cleaned my office before bed. I felt like I was doing something, and it felt a damn sight better than squeezing everything in before six just to be able to relax.

There’s probably a ton more reasons I could come up up with, but at the end of it, everyone’s different. To do lists do have their plus points, but in the age of toxic productivity, we tend to place more focus on what we fail to get done. And in the age of toxic productivity and the mental strain of a pandemic, surely we should be cutting ourselves some slack, and drawing on the positives?

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How to Not Lose it While Remote Working

maymargaret

I’ve been working from home now since the first lockdown began, and, i’ll be honest, at first the idea was exciting. I’d never worked from home before, and my head was filled with plans of all the stuff I was going to get done with my time. I’d finally be able to have a proper healthy breakfast, instead of a packet of breakfast biscuits on the train. I’d be able to swap sitting at my desk staring at my phone during lunch for a jog, or yoga, or taking the dog a walk. Anything active. But, as time has gone on and the company I work for has evolved in its strategies to keep us all connected, we’ve all expressed feelings of isolation, and actually missing the social aspects of office working.

But, for me anyway, and as for many, remote working might be here to stay, at least in some context. It’s been a mixed bag, but there are some ways you can not only cope with remote working, but make the best of it, too.

1. Take control of your work environment – an office is a public space. While that’s pointing out the obvious, while we’re feeling lonely and cut off, it might be an idea to remind yourself of the more negative points of sharing a work space. If you want a window open, open a window. If you want music, play it. If you want all the lights on, power to you. In an office, the control of the environment either comes down to the management, majority, or that one person who throws awareness for others to the wind and opens a window when everyone else is shivering in their coats.

2. Wake up early…but not too early – take advantage of the fact that your desk is only a few steps away. That might mean staying in bed for a few minutes more, doing the housework, or a getting a workout in.

3. Get dressed – I’ve made the mistake of slipping into the habit of staying in my jams a few times, and those are the days I feel a bit rubbish about things. I love getting ready, and putting the time into one’s appearance can make a world of difference. It doesn’t matter whether you’re going to be on camera; jams are for sleeping in and lazing around when you feel like it. But a productive mindset might just start with a shower and fresh clothes.

4. Split the day with something active – whether you get an hour or half an hour for lunch, that time can have many possibilities in how it can be used, that just might not be accessible in normal office circumstances. Go for a run, or find a workout on YouTube. My office has become my gym, too, with a desk treadmill at the side. This has also taught me that I dont need a gym membership, so in the long run (huhuh) I’m saving money, too.

5. Screen breaks – Take them! – I never know what to do during a screen break at work, and end up either working through it because I don’t want to look like skiving, or dashing to the toilet. Because making a cuppa doesn’t take 5 minutes. But now, I do a bit of reading, knitting, or just something else that tickles my fancy.

6. Meetings – particularly during company wide meetings, with one person talking while everyone else is muted and no ones camera is switched on, I’ve done something else. Commissions, finished books, made paper flowers, made apple pie… I’ve had naps, too. Under a blanket, earphones in, lovely.

7. Mindfulness/ meditation – while I’ve been remote working I’ve been listening to a lovely classical radio station called Scala radio, and every day at 2pm they have a mindfulness session. Whenever I put this station on, I get myself comfy, maybe grab some cake or pie that I’ve made, and just listen, all in the moment. Its only about 10 minutes long, but its worth it.

8. Meditation in the morning – branching off of the last suggestion, a bit of meditation first thing does help. Particularly during these anxious times, its nice to just create a moment and breathe. Meditation used to stress me out, because I thought your mind has to be absolutely clear of thoughts to work. Like, you couldn’t think of anything. That’s what alot of guided sessions said, anyway. So I gave up. But thinking you can’t think of anything makes it worse, and you end up thinking because you’ve been told not to. This is the White Bear effect; don’t think of a white bear! Did you? Now, more practices encourage you to acknowledge the thoughts that occur to you, and then recentre. I’ve found that my days are much more relaxed after doing this for around 10 minutes, even if I’m not great at it yet.

9. Make taking care of yourself a priority – it’s easy to get frustrated with the situation. Its easy to allow one run in to effect your day; I know I have. And I know how easy it is to let yourself get worked up over one minute mistake, and maybe you’re worked up because someone has placed disproportionate importance on that mistake. I’ve lost sleep over mine, and thats were vicious cycles begin. But don’t let them throw you off. Eat as healthy as you can, but allow yourself a lapse now and again. Take time out for your creative endeavours, and at the end of your day, relax and think of all the good things that happen. Treat where you went wrong as learning curves, teachable moments.

10. Have fun with it! – play your music loud (be considerate of the neighbors, mind) and just sing, or dance, at your desk. I do. No one can see or hear you (if you’re alone, anyway) and if they do, like the window cleaner did earlier today when I had no idea he was cleaning an open window, shrug it off. It probably gave him a laugh. People need a laugh right now, so good deed to me!