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My Pandemic Resolutions

maymargaret

I started last year with so many plans. I guess different goals to what I actually ended up doing, but still, last year could have gone a very different way. Concerts, festivals, travelling… basically everything I resolved to do, or usually do anyway, was cancelled. As a frequenter of Download Festival and person who loves to travel, last year sucked a bit on that part. My second missed opportunity to see Iron Maiden, and now I wonder whether its meant to be.

And while so many expect (an expectation fueled by wishful thinking, perhaps) to be in the midst of a moshpit during the summer months of 2021, I kind of trust that they’ll be disappointed. While so many concerts are covid safe, a festival in which communal toilets and general suspension of usual hygiene standards are perhaps a staple of the weekend experience, the pressure to lock onto the virus will inevitably lead to further cancellations. So, what to do?

I dont want to end this year disappointed, as so many have. And, usually, I dont make what might be traditionally termed as resolutions. But I do like goals. I see both sides of the coin. I like doing things there and then, but I also like putting a time stamp on achievements. I like to look back on the year and think of what I did with my 365 days, and last year was no different. There was a tremendous amount I couldn’t do, but in a way, maybe thats why I did the stuff I actually did. So this year, I want to make a point of setting goals I know will be achievable, even during these enduringly uncertain times.

1. Read more – I read a ton, but it could always be a bit more varied. I’ve recently gotten into dystopia fiction, so maybe a wider scope is on the horizon yet.

2. Learn to play guitar – this has been a goal of mine since 14, but there’s always something else to do. But I want to get out of this year with at least one song learned that isn’t Metallica related.

3. Watch more films – I love my movies. Often movie lovers (from my personal experience) have been judged as couch potatoes. But I’m the best at movie quizzes, if I do say so myself.

4. Run 15km – last year I reached 10, and kind of just stuck to 5 after that.

5. Finally achieve side splits – yoga has been a bit intermittent this year. But now I have the space to do it, so no excuses

6. The three peaks challenge – this was last year’s goal, and the one that didn’t come to fruition. Scafell, Snowdon and Ben Nevis. I’ve done the later two at very different times, so I’d like to make all three.

7. Try self publishing – gotta start somewhere right?

8. Paint more for pleasure – last year I took on a lot of commissions. So many that, while I enjoyed painting members of peoples family, it took the creativity out of me a bit.

9. More photography – I got into taking photos last year, specifically of simple pleasures. Flowers, the sky, the butterfly heading this post. I’d love to have canvases of them.

Were going into this year with a bit of an advantage, if that’s the right word. We know to treat it with caution. We know not to make plans, or at least, we know what plans not to make. This year could still pan out in so many ways, good or bad, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t count, right?

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What is Actually Wrong With Love Actually?

maymargaret

I love ‘Love Actually’, actually, to quote Kitty from Ghosts. British romcoms just have that thing about them, from my totally biased British opinion. They are cosy and unrealistic and feature a barrage of clumsy bumbling characters. Usually featuring Hugh Grant if you’re thinking of a certain time period for British romcoms. But yes, I love them. I love the stiff upper lip awkwardness, the double entendre, and yes, there are plenty of stereotypes. But movies have stereotypes. And, and this is my main point, movies are fictional.

You’ve probably seen the following kind of article lately. I watched this and I have questions. I watched that classic film and I was horrified. I’m watching love actually for the first time and it’s AWFUL!!! Yes. We get it. It was made in 2003 and you’re super offended by its lack of 2020 standards (and “oh the Andrew Lincoln scene is just creepy”). But is it that bad? I don’t think so. In fact, there’s so many good things about Love Actually that these people don’t seem to realise. The smattering of jokes unique to British humour. The singing priminister’s guard, the irony of a pair of movie body doubles struggling to ask each other out. Emma Thompson’s acting. References to the passengers aboard the planes of 9/11.

The scene between Keira Knightly and Andrew Lincoln is still my favourite scene. As he mentions, he’s confession to provide an explanation, clear the air. Not with any other motives. “With no agenda.”

The criticism around Love Actually and other films of the like, such as Four Weddings and a Funeral, has increased in the last year or two. The key criticism being too straight, or too white. As I say, we are not in the time we were. As for Four Weddings, in my opinion, it features one of the most modern and respectful depictions of a gay couple, even by the depictions used today (such James Corden in that Netflix film… Prom, is it?). In a sea of incorrect and potentially hurtful stereotypes of gay men, we saw a couple that weren’t characatures for cheap jokes. We just saw a couple, the only couple among that group of romantically unsuccessful friends, fully accepted by all.

We need to edge away from the idea that all movies need to depict social issues, need to shoehorn characters in for the sake of diversity. So many films focus on one group of people, and yet today there seems to be this pressure to feature as many racial, cultural and LGBTQ groups as possible into mainstream movies. So much so that it deviates from a true story. Love Actually may have its issues when viewed from the lenses of today, but it wasn’t made for that. It was made for audiences of then. Movies used to be made for escapism. To reflect technological advances. To tell a story. Today, even in a fantasy or a superhero flick, we are being reminded of social issues and imbalances. In the time we are currently in, do we need to be reminded in the evenings too that the world isn’t perfect? Do we need our TV shows to preach to us in a time of what we want to use for relaxation and switching off?

Yes, some movies should be made to deliver a message. But other movies can simply exist to have fun with. To watch when we just want to feel warm and fuzzy, or cry like no one is watching. What, I ask, is wrong with that?

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2020 in Review

maymargaret

If there’s one phrase I keep hearing, its “I can’t wait for 2020 to be over” and the like. And yes, I get that. Its been a turbulent year. But the reality is that the pandemic will not be limited to 2020. In fact, the pandemic for many parts of the world began before 2020. Today, I wondered whether I’d still be judging people for not wearing a mask or standing 2 meters apart in a year’s time. It feels like second nature now, to distance and mask up each time I’m in a shop, and sneer at those for not doing so. Its been a unique year, to say the least.

But does that mean its write off? For many who have lost loved ones, who have been isolated, or who have faced this pandemic from the front line, perhaps that is the case. 2020 for many has, in short, been an absolute shit storm. Redundancies, job losses, cut backs, companies closing because they cannot fund running in the midst of a virus that results in reduced custom. But for the rest of us, 2020 has meant more time with family, working in the comfort of our jammies, and having just that little bit more time to take stock of our mental and physical health. Rather than declare 2020 as just a year that shouldn’t count, I’m taking it from my privileged position as a period in history in which I was there. Taking the good with the bad.

So what has 2020 been to me? And yes, I’m focusing on the positives. There’s too much negativity in the world to begin with.

2020 has meant branching out. More and different books, trying a few different crafts, watching a few different films. TV shows I’ve never thought about watching before. Having that time has meant not being too tired after a day’s work to do anything more than flopping on the sofa to watch the same old same old.

2020 has meant more time for education. I started and finished (and passed) my first module for my masters degree. Due to working from home, my lunch breaks and down time were filled with essays and reading as opposed to mindless scrolling through my phone.

2020 has meant fitness goals. Back in March I ran my first 10km, as I was meant to be doing a charity 10k elsewhere. Instead, I did it on my own, on a treadmill, in my living room, with a virtual tour of Vienna on the go on my TV. I’ve also been working more on my yoga, and I’m sure I’ve progressed (somehow).

2020 has meant more painting. Art has been in my life since my first bronchiosaurus drawing at the age of 5. But this year I’ve done many more commisions than usual, and its given me the chance to develop. I’ve painted birds and babies for the first time. Turns out I’m not too shabby if I do say so myself.

2020 has meant new experiences. I’ve never worked from home before, and I do quite like it. I passed my 1 year anniversary at my job on the 18th. Its also given me the drive to take my first long weekend trip on my own, which was not only greatly needed, but a big kick in my confidence of my own independence too.

2020 has meant moving out – last week, I moved in to an apartment with my fiance. A couple of arguments with the company selling us our table later (a further couple about the broadband) and I think we’re actually formulating a home.

2020 has, in short, meant progress. I’m a true believer in baby steps, that progress counts everywhere, and can happen anywhere. If you’re reading this, you have survived this pandemic so far. Maybe you’ve partaken in the plays streamed on YouTube, taken up a long distance course to pass the time. Maybe you’ve used your time to learn a few guitar chords. Whatever this year has been, its been an experience. Whether good or bad, we’re still here.

Merry Chrimbo and a Happy New Year

Xx

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Judging the Past by Today’s Standards – A Rant

maymargaret

So its time to put this particular rant in writing. I think I’ve bored enough of my family enough with it, but alas. And rants are good. They’re cathartic. And this is one rant that just feels needed.

So I’ve been seeing alot of a particular kind of article recently. More so in the last week. ‘I watched this for the first time and now I’m shocked’ type discussions, in which someone (often around my age) watches a classic film or TV show and is super offended by its outdated jokes and content (‘On the Buses’ I get, but that was an extreme case). The most recent one was about someone watching the first episode of one of my favourite shows, Only Fools and Horses. Straight away, it was racist, sexist, and how dare they focus on three white men. Look. That was the time. The time now is different. The time now is different because of shows like this. We know time is different now because we have shows like this to compare it too. Yes, some jokes were made back then that haven’t aged well. But there were jokes made in shows 10 years ago that haven’t aged well, either. We are in the midst of a huge shift in standards, and thats a good thing. But does that mean we should delete the things that remind us how far we’ve come?

I’ve also seen some wilful fabrication of TV show content in support of the BLM movement. One fine example was concerning a show called Benidorm, in which there was a character in black face during the second episode. Apparently, one of the central couples walked out in disgust, and it was supposed to be a poignant point concerning how offended one of the characters was. But no, that didn’t happen. The couple who actually walked out of a bar was a totally separate couple walking out of a completely different bar due to a very different act.

I think context is a huge factor in some jokes, particularly in classic comedy and content. To get the jokes, sometimes you need to know the characters. Case in point; Basil Fawlty, and The German’s episode. Now, this character is meant to be unlikeable. He’s meant to get in his own way. He’s bigoted, he’s old fashioned and outdated. He’s meant to contrast with the more current characters. To be prejudice is part and parcel of the characature of a middle class man who clearly wants to be higher up in the ranks, but doesn’t go about getting there in the best way. The fact that he recoils from a black doctor in the presence of his embarrassed wife just goes to show his worst traits; in the 70s, shows such as Love Thy Neighbor purposefully created unlikeable white characters to contrast with likable black characters to show the changing times. It was progress.

And this is why old comedies like this should still be valued. Shows as recent as Friends, with an all white principle cast, are products of their time. The shows we have today are products of this time. We should be proud of that progress. Not repulsed by past jokes.

If we delete these shows, and those old jokes, what have we got to learn from?

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The Midnight Library by Matt Haig – Why You Should Read it Now

maymargaret

I have a kind of fondness for writers who write based on themselves. There’s no pretention about the emotions described, because you get the sense that they’ve felt them, thought about them in hind sight, thought about how to project them in a way the reader will understand. The reader, such as myself, will know only too well. Nora is that kind of character. A character whose gotten in her own way, filled with potential and yet, somehow missed the boat.

I kept seeing this book trending on Twitter. I rarely go on Twitter. I only started going on when I heard about all the drama going on, some people declaring unpopular opinions and insights (some I agreed with) while others i intended to join the band of argumentative many. The only time I have done this is in fact when one particular actor decided to break lockdown rules and insult the NHS while he was at it. Anyway, I’m babbling. It was on Twitter that I learned about this book, probably the only good Twitter has done me.

Now, I knew what this book was about before I got it. Its about regrets. I neglected to read it so soon because I hadn’t finished a book in a month or so. I also had a feeling how it would end. The character lives in Bedford, and I’m hoping that’s an intentional clue (Bedford Falls is the hometown of one George Bailey). Its not a book for those who like twists and turns, or much else besides musings about inner psychologies of the average Joe. But its not trying to be anything but. Its nice, relatable, and its a believable journey. She doesn’t end up with all the answers. But its a start.

I also think this is a good book for someone who’s thinking about writing themselves, such as myself. The writing isn’t sophisticated or flowery, or at least that’s the impression I got. It was a blow by blow, some parts like a diary in how emotions were described. As I say, in a detail that suggested the writer felt them himself.

I like any writer who bases a character on themselves. There’s a line, of course (Stephanie Meyer, Twilight). But that shouldn’t discourage budding writers to use themselves too, should it? A large portion of Stephen King’s leading characters are male writers.

So why should you read this book, now? Well, because this is a time when many of us are standing still, watching time go by while others are making waves in their respective relevant fields. Some are thriving, while others are stuck at home in front of a screen wondering what happened. Social media filled with people making the best of their time while they have it. This book serves as a reminder that what ifs don’t always mean happiness, or fulfillment. It makes sense, too, in a none cheesy way.

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An Overdue Covidiot Rant

maymargaret

Has anyone else rolled their eyes more than normal in the last few weeks? Because I have. And not just in that what are they like the little tykes kind of manner. I mean the, what on earth are you thinking you absolute *very bad word I’m not comfortable saying on the internet* kind of way.

Usually in terms of covid. I know, I know. Covid again. We’re all living it, right? But some aren’t. Apparently, some are immune to the rules. Inject exaggerated quote marks to the word immune. They’re a select minority, but I think that’s why they’re so infuriating.

For a while, I’ve been seeing the terms conspiracy and mind control. Apparently, covid is a conspiracy to keep us under control. I beg the question, how on earth does keeping families apart, urging people not to go and spend their money at restaurants, creating strain for an already stretched national health service, benefit the government or the powers that be? Genuine question. I’d love to hear the rational.

Secondly, two celebrities have been exposed as flouting the rules. On social media. One of them infuriated me more than one. This one was a birthday party. How many people have forgone birthday celebrations, gatherings with families and (sorry to be grim) meetings with dying family members, because of covid? And yet a 30th birthday party goes ahead. Are these people so used to worship that they think outright disregard for rules will just further reinforce their status as higher than us normal folk? Or do they think a shallow apology in which they throw buzzwords out such as ‘misjudged’ will earn pity?

This has been ongoing for the better part of a year. A year, for many. How can you not know how to judge the situation by now?

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Simple Underrated Pleasures

maymargaret

1. Going for a walk or a run when the sky is beautiful.

2. Clean sheets and lavender after a long day.

3. Watching a good old movie.

4. Eating something just that little bit indulgent with some mindful music playing.

5. Breaking the monotony at your desk by playing a cheesy classic; my present choice is Celine Dion’s version of I Drove All Night.

6. Eating alone in a cafe or restaurant, not a rush or care in the world.

7. Appreciating the colours of the clouds just as evening is settling in during winter.

8. Going to bed knowing that you did your best, were your healthiest, and now this is your time.

9. Realising you don’t have to be productive all the time to improve yourself and your mood

10. Doing something that typically causes you anxiety, because, at the end of the day, what the hell.

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Reasons to Create – Besides Views and Likes

maymargaret

When it comes to being an artist, I’m not a fan of social media. If you read my views concerning Instagram and using it to get follows and likes, you probably gathered this already. But, in a climate of so many creaters, its probably crossed your mind once or twice to just down tools, and find something else to do. Or, maybe you’ve been tempted to sacrifice what makes your work unique for something more uniform, more sharable. More potentially viral.

This has happened to too many. Sometimes, a born artist just isn’t a born advertiser of their own work. Maybe modesty gets in the way, or the paranoia that many will say you think you’re better than you are puts you off. For me, self promotion is just a nightmare, and I can’t do it. I can’t be one of those people who sends out their own work to the personal accounts of potential audience members. I tried it once to see how it went, and I just felt like a double glazing sales person.

On the flip side, I also question why being an artist means, to other people, that you should get your art out there. Now, hear me out. I know what you’re thinking, what is the point? What is the point in creating artwork if you’re the only person who sees it, or at most, the friends and family who follow you on your Facebook page?

The thing is, self promotion can be exhausting. I’ve said it before, I think some artists *ahem content farms ahem* but more effort into social media and making sharable content than actually putting effort and passion into their work. Its disheartening to say the least, but you shouldn’t stop.

So why should you keep creating, even if you don’t want to advertise?

1. Its nice to have a talent – I love creating. Its something I’ve always done, and it’s one source of self pride I have when I feel a bit rubbish. Whether it’s painting, sketching or pottery, I’ve always found myself feeling much better after doing something; as long as you like it and feel proud, what else matters?

2. An outlet – creating can relieve stress. Whether its a mindful exercise or just something to take your mind away from something causing you anxiety, having that time away to just make something with your own skill can be highly cathartic.

3. It doesn’t mean you can’t make money – over the last few months I’ve had a few commissions; birds, family portraits, and pet portraits. Sometimes, family can be very useful for singing your praises, and soon the requests start rolling in.

4. Its not how it used to be – one of the most widely used anecdotes artists use to console their lack of sales is that Van Gogh sold one painting in his lifetime, to a man called Julien Tanguey. But we are not in Van Gogh’s lifetime, and now, so many styles and methods are accepted that if Van Gogh were of today’s generation, his success may have been different. Who knows. Its mere speculation. But, again, there’s just so many artists battling for follows, recognition, views… who knows whether Van Gogh’s work would have been so unique and distinctive in today’s climate?

5. It might happen one day, so keep going – as arduous as it might be, if you’re that sure you want to get recognition, then just keep going. Stick to your principles and style, don’t be afraid to try new things if that’s what you want to do. Work up your portfolio, and stay true to yourself. Utilise your imagination. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to stumble across you.

6. You can still inspire – a couple of months ago, I went to London in something I can only describe as escaping. I just felt generally rubbish, and needed a change of scenery, people, all that. One day, I was walking around a very quiet National Gallery, and got a ping through Facebook. Someone had spotted the below painting on a page, and she was asking permission to try and recreate it. It was a lovely moment, and I was more than happy to give permission.

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Adulthood is Who You Are – Not what You’ve Achieved

maymargaret

I got accepted for an apartment yesterday. This might be no big deal for many my age (27) but it is to me. This is not only my first apartment. I’m moving out of my family home.

I’ve been self conscious about this fact, because so many people I know are already married with kids, a house of their own. All that adult stuff we’re told makes you an adult.

But most of my friends haven’t got that far yet. And yet, they still felt like more adult to me. They drive, for one. I don’t. I’ve settled on the fact that I’m just not meant to be a driver, and frankly, I’m okay with that. I’ve failed my test enough now to know its not meant to be.

I have been treated differently for this reason, however. Because I don’t drive or have chosen to stay at home until I could save enough for a deposit, I’ve often been called out for my lack of life experience. But this isn’t life experience. Its just a different life experience.

I’m sure loads of people my age have confronted this… this self anxiety, for want of a better term. Lying awake at night, wondering whether that person is more adult because they’ve done this, or done that. But now I see the use in having these thoughts. It really makes you see just what makes an adult. Is it a belief that as long as you have a car, house and bills, you quality as the font of wisdom? Or is it an awareness that often, these are just drilled into us to keep us spending, because apparently adulthood is so desirable?

So what if my life experience is different? I’ve still done my degree. I’ve still been in full time employment for my whole adult life. I’ve still paid my taxes. I’ve known work stress and anxiety, I’ve travelled much more than those who boast more life experience and have the driving licence to prove it.

So I say this; don’t be self conscious about where you are in life. I’ve gone too long thinking that I’m deserving of the condescension. If I’d followed that path, I wouldn’t feel what I feel now. Being an adult and being a grown up are two different concepts.