Anything, Everything
Okay, so I’ve not exactly ended this thing on a local note. I’m in Llandudno, Wales at the moment, but I’m still close to home, still having a so called ‘Staycation’.
It’s worrying how so many of us are determined to ignore nature, or not go that extra mile if we are able to. Of course, hikes aren’t everyone’s thing. But to actively question why do it is another matter.
It’s that attitude that leads to us losing it a little more each day.
I never thought I’d be a blogger. I thought that, though I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to express, not many people would be prepared to read them. The number of rants I go on in daily life to a ever shrinking audience (due to lockdown entirely) had made me aware that I need another outlet. But would my thoughts and feelings have a platform I could express them? Yes, of course they did.
The thing is, the world is filled with so many different ideas and opinions. And I think sometimes we think we’re alone in a thought. I like the write based on what I’d like to read, whether it be lists on ideas to fill boredom, or a bit of a rant airing my frustrations. And the last year has been rife with its frustrqtions. Sometimes we just want to know that someone else feels the same. And if they don’t, so what? You feel the way that you feel, and in relation to so many things, we have no reason why we should think or feel any differently.
Having a blog has made me see this. It’s primary reason was to get some of those thoughts out there, and see where it took me. I had no illusions or motive besides that, and I think that’s enough. We live in a world where so many people think they can’t say what they want to say, because everyone has an opinion, and there will always be someone who has a different opinion to you. That isn’t the problem. It’s the way they present that opinion. So if you want to express your fondness for making strange noises in the comfort of your own house to the chagrin of your significant other, express it. There’s probably someone out there who shares your fondness. I like to make up songs about avocados first thing in the morning.
I think the Internet needs to be filled with these different opinions, whether they be world altering or just little strange ones that may or may not have any takers. You may think the opposite, but some people need to realise that people are different, and the world does not need to be shaped to their specific viewpoint. If they’re offended by something, that is their perspective. Opinions do mean something, but they don’t mean everything. A variety of opinions means that opinions regain their definition, and their appeal.
It’s also given me a space to think aloud, and make room for new thoughts. The same old thoughts can get stagnant fast, so it’s nice to have a dumping ground. Having this dumping ground has been a godsend over these last few months.
Since starting this new hobby, I’ve also developed a couple of others, including writing, poetry, cooking and photography. All a working progress, but everything should be. Hobbies are important, take that from a serial hobbyest.
In short, whether it’s for talking to other people you’ve never met, or for talking to yourself and discovering things that others may or may not want to know about you, blogging has been a valuable experience that has given more than it has taken away. Room to think, room to grow, room to allow previous misconceptions to transform. Like a diary, but one where I’ve given the key to who ever wants to read it. That’s a very cheesy sentence I know, but the more we know about each other, the less we feel alone. That’s essential.
Before I decided to move out (during the pandemic rather than after it had settled down) the idea of renting was somewhat drilled into me as an undesirable waste of money. Renting meant giving money on a monthly basis to help someone else get wealthier, while my living space would never be mine in the way that I would want it. It would always be someone else’s to call the shots with. Instead, mortgages and actually buying straight of the bat was the way to go. My own space to do what I wanted with. That was the way to go, the right way.
But is it? Or is it perhaps that renting is a wise way of testing the waters?
During the pandemic, there’s probably been a big shift in living arrangements for many of us. Those of us in relationships who still live at home might have moved in with their significant other’s family, or they might have come to you. This might have been the situation already while, as a couple, you’ve been saving to buy your first home. I know a couple in this situation, who are buying with a help to buy mainly because they can’t stand living with the others’ family. During lock down, relationships have come under strain, and arguments start over the most pathetic things. Who broke what and who used someone else’s something or other. The people in our household are literally the only people we can be in close quarters with, and that might be seen as a great opportunity for relationship building. For the short term, at least. For a year? Maybe any way of escape might do.
But then I know other couples. One couple who brought a house together fresh from years living in one of their family homes. A family home that just happens to be streaming with young kids. Getting their own space was the only solution, and, again, buying was the only acceptable option. A couple of years later (one pandemic later) and something unexpected happens.
They realise they don’t like each other.
Why did it take a pandemic to realise this? Well, this couple just happens to be a very sociable couple, who spend Friday and Saturday nights out with friends and the rest of the week at work, thinking about the future nights out with friends. In comes Corona virus, and suddenly this couple have been forced to spend time together, with no one else. Horror of horrors, it has resulted in rows, one vandalised car and one of which begging to move back in to his busy childhood home.
Now, maybe this is an extreme case; we all get sick of each other and everyone from time to time, but the issue here is that it began before the pandemic. Only, distractions were available. We could meet a friend, go for a drink, go on holiday. Have a holiday or a night out to look forward to. Now, they’re stuck together in a house they have brought, asking for more than people can afford because now, they want separate living arrangements, and they want to make a profit. Not the easiest of situations to get out of in the best of times.
On the flip side, my fiance and I knew that we didn’t have much experience living with each other, so I suggested renting a place for a year, maybe two. My family didn’t like the idea, but I’m proud to say that, according to them, I changed their minds. Of course, having this comparison couple might have helped me look like the less naive one, but I think it’s a valuable piece of advice for other couples. Living with family may have its perks, but it also has its downsides for couples. Nonetheless, this doesn’t give you the knowledge you need to know whether you’re compatible cohabitation wise. As a couple, it may be you against the in laws. A couple against the rest of the house. Dreaming of having your own space might give you rose tinted specs when looking at the other person. Buying your first home is encouraged as a right of passage, while renting is discouraged as a quick fix. Maybe it is, but it’s also valuable in learning about each other.
When we moved in together, I honestly didn’t know how it would go down. I knew he was messy while I was a neat freak, and that he had a proclivity to get bored on his own. Now, I’m glad to say that now I know that he has moments of tidiness while a sock on the floor doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Plus, as only children, we both like our own space, and knowing that the other person is just in the next room is comfort enough. Renting has been the best choice we could make for ourselves, but it could have gone the other way.
I feel like I’ve had a well rounded experience of relationships. I’ve had a long distance relationship, I’ve had one where the guy lived yards away. I had a relationship with a guy my parents couldn’t stand, and I’ve had a relationship where my parents loved him, but I was the only one who saw his faults. The same goes for break ups. I’ve ended, I’ve mutually agreed to end it, and I’ve been ended with. Each one has its aches. To end a relationship takes responsibility, initiative, and the chance of regret. On the other end, being dumped is essentially a rejection. It’s someone telling you they don’t want to with you any longer, and, in the end, who wants to know someone dumped you? Sadly, despite it having happened to most who have been in a relationship, being on the receiving end is seen as the worst off. A place to feel pitied from, a spot where someone asks what happens and scrunches their nose in consolation.
But it needn’t be that way, particularly when the breaker upper shows absolutely no back bone in doing the breaking up.
A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy in college, who moved on to university. The relationship lasted five years, 3 of which were long distance. In the end, we decided to meet up and do it face to face. The day before he was due back, no changes to his plan, he text me to say it was over. No meet up, nothing. What was I to do with that?
Receiving this kind of text can trigger a range of complex emotions. Predictably, the emotions attached to being broken up with may be suspended due to the lack of event, lack of finality, the pathetic end to a relationship that took years to come to a head.
And yet, oddly enough, this was the best break up I had ever had.
Of course, the following day was a bit icky. The day we were meant to actually meet, the day that had been set aside, was spent with no plans and therefore floating around a little. The next, I went for a long walk in a reserve a few miles away, and had a long think. I realised here that man, this guy had disappointed me.
What I realised during this walk is that this guy had broken up with me, through text. Does anyone do this, with means of avoiding such a cowardly way out, and still maintain their sense of dignity? He was in his twenties and, while I don’t necessarily attach maturity to numerical age, there is a limit. What I realised is that I deserved better. I deserved an explanation, but didn’t get one. I deserved to remind him that I’d tried to break up with him just months previous, but he told me he had enough to deal with with exam pressures and he needed the support. I deserved more.
It was an empowering epiphany, to say the least. The thing is, no matter the circumstance, if it can be avoided, no one should end a relationship through text message. But, if you’re unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end, know it is literally their loss. Not just of you, but I’m sure a little of their self respect falls away with it. But don’t make the mistake of regretting the entire relationship. People come and people leave, but they always serve a purpose. Treat them as teachable moments. This teachable moment served for me to realise that my self worth was not only more important, but also that I didn’t owe any moping to a guy who couldn’t sacrifice thirty minutes of his time to end a relationship in a mature manner.
Also, just a heads up, if a someone bitches about their ex and then laughs because they put on weight, think to yourself; will they treat memories of your relationship with such respect when the next one comes along?
I love food. I’ve always counted myself lucky that I’ve never changed weight, regardless of how much I eat, or what I eat. It’s actually been a point of pride and, in some ways, bragging for me. I remember, for example, doing a food challenge at a local eatery called Beat the Meat, which entailed eating a 32 ounce steak, chips and salad. When the guys at work heard this, they were a mix of impressed that a small girl could eat so much and not just one of those girls who orders a salad when they go out, and giggling about the innuendo opportunities of Beat the Meat.
And then again, I also thought I didn’t really need to eat healthy. I am generally healthy, after all. The odd snack, the odd take away. It’s just treats. Besides, I regard myself as active. I take a walk every morning and walk everywhere just generally. I run every other day, do yoga, and now I have a spin bike. Many of my hobbies are swayed to the active side, so why should I try a bit harder, right?
The thing is, I might be fit, but that doesn’t mean I’m healthy. And recently, I’ve noticed.
As I’ve been moving out, waiting for certain furniture has turned into a bit of an excuse to eat easier meals to cook, or order take away straight off the bat. We don’t have much kitchen work top space and have in consequence ordered an island. While we’ve waited, we’ve lamented over the lack of work top space and just decided to have a take away. It’s nice at the time, but in post I always think how much money we’re spending on take away that’s not going to do us much good. Empty calories that cost far too much, and not just financially.
So where do you start from there? Often, its a moment of clarity. Lying in bed with an achey stomach hours after eating, and suddenly it’s not worth it anymore. Why do we crave this type of food so much? Is it because we see it as a treat, and have therefore associated it with reward? I think, too, it’s become almost excusable in many circumstances. Tired? Get take out. Had a bad day? Get take out. Had a good day? Get take out. Done a work out? You’ve burnt enough calories, get take out.
It’s like with so many other things that aren’t good for us. Wine, hours on our phones, lying on the sofa instead of doing that thing we want to do, and should do, that would make us feel better. Why do we gravitate towards the thing that’s easier and more numbing? Because it’s easier and numbing.
I think getting healthy is very much a personal choice. I know so many people feel that they need support from others, joining a group or going into the same diet with a couple of friends. But what happens when one of them caves, and begins rationalising their choices? Make the decision for yourself and yourself alone. We’re so easily influenced by those around us; we’re social creatures, afterall. And, for so long, unhealthy food, or too much food, has been a social thing for me, too. I always go out eating when it’s with friends, instead of walking or something else recreational. It’s not that they’re not interested, it’s just that eating is easy.
So on Saturday, instead of staying in bed and lamenting over my icky digestive system, I went out and brought actual healthy food. Every day this week, I’ve had a healthy breakfast with fruit, salad for lunch, and a light and healthy diner. I log it all on Noom, an app I’ve had an avoidant relationship since I build up the habit of logging everything, until I eat a biscuit. I’ve used my fitbit more, but I never really needed it to motivate myself to move. But its nice to feel involved, isn’t it?
It might feel like a sacrifice to begin with, but really think about the sacrifice you’re making. What is the sacrifice, really? Feeling better? Having a stomach that doesn’t gargle for hours after eating a kebab? Not pushing yourself for a guilt run in the morning to somehow salvage yourself? Starting the day feeling energized after a nutritious start?
Don’t let eating bad food become your identity because you think you can get away with it; you might look okay on the outside, but think about what its doing to your inside.
Paint a Mental Picture 