Tag: escapism

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There’s Always Someone Who’s Interested in What You Have to Say

maymargaret

I never thought I’d be a blogger. I thought that, though I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to express, not many people would be prepared to read them. The number of rants I go on in daily life to a ever shrinking audience (due to lockdown entirely) had made me aware that I need another outlet. But would my thoughts and feelings have a platform I could express them? Yes, of course they did.

The thing is, the world is filled with so many different ideas and opinions. And I think sometimes we think we’re alone in a thought. I like the write based on what I’d like to read, whether it be lists on ideas to fill boredom, or a bit of a rant airing my frustrations. And the last year has been rife with its frustrqtions. Sometimes we just want to know that someone else feels the same. And if they don’t, so what? You feel the way that you feel, and in relation to so many things, we have no reason why we should think or feel any differently.

Having a blog has made me see this. It’s primary reason was to get some of those thoughts out there, and see where it took me. I had no illusions or motive besides that, and I think that’s enough. We live in a world where so many people think they can’t say what they want to say, because everyone has an opinion, and there will always be someone who has a different opinion to you. That isn’t the problem. It’s the way they present that opinion. So if you want to express your fondness for making strange noises in the comfort of your own house to the chagrin of your significant other, express it. There’s probably someone out there who shares your fondness. I like to make up songs about avocados first thing in the morning.

I think the Internet needs to be filled with these different opinions, whether they be world altering or just little strange ones that may or may not have any takers. You may think the opposite, but some people need to realise that people are different, and the world does not need to be shaped to their specific viewpoint. If they’re offended by something, that is their perspective. Opinions do mean something, but they don’t mean everything. A variety of opinions means that opinions regain their definition, and their appeal.

It’s also given me a space to think aloud, and make room for new thoughts. The same old thoughts can get stagnant fast, so it’s nice to have a dumping ground. Having this dumping ground has been a godsend over these last few months.

Since starting this new hobby, I’ve also developed a couple of others, including writing, poetry, cooking and photography. All a working progress, but everything should be. Hobbies are important, take that from a serial hobbyest.

In short, whether it’s for talking to other people you’ve never met, or for talking to yourself and discovering things that others may or may not want to know about you, blogging has been a valuable experience that has given more than it has taken away. Room to think, room to grow, room to allow previous misconceptions to transform. Like a diary, but one where I’ve given the key to who ever wants to read it. That’s a very cheesy sentence I know, but the more we know about each other, the less we feel alone. That’s essential.

Opinion and Advice

Why Couples Should Probably Rent First – Testing the Waters.

maymargaret

Before I decided to move out (during the pandemic rather than after it had settled down) the idea of renting was somewhat drilled into me as an undesirable waste of money. Renting meant giving money on a monthly basis to help someone else get wealthier, while my living space would never be mine in the way that I would want it. It would always be someone else’s to call the shots with. Instead, mortgages and actually buying straight of the bat was the way to go. My own space to do what I wanted with. That was the way to go, the right way.

But is it? Or is it perhaps that renting is a wise way of testing the waters?

During the pandemic, there’s probably been a big shift in living arrangements for many of us. Those of us in relationships who still live at home might have moved in with their significant other’s family, or they might have come to you. This might have been the situation already while, as a couple, you’ve been saving to buy your first home. I know a couple in this situation, who are buying with a help to buy mainly because they can’t stand living with the others’ family. During lock down, relationships have come under strain, and arguments start over the most pathetic things. Who broke what and who used someone else’s something or other. The people in our household are literally the only people we can be in close quarters with, and that might be seen as a great opportunity for relationship building. For the short term, at least. For a year? Maybe any way of escape might do.

But then I know other couples. One couple who brought a house together fresh from years living in one of their family homes. A family home that just happens to be streaming with young kids. Getting their own space was the only solution, and, again, buying was the only acceptable option. A couple of years later (one pandemic later) and something unexpected happens.

They realise they don’t like each other.

Why did it take a pandemic to realise this? Well, this couple just happens to be a very sociable couple, who spend Friday and Saturday nights out with friends and the rest of the week at work, thinking about the future nights out with friends. In comes Corona virus, and suddenly this couple have been forced to spend time together, with no one else. Horror of horrors, it has resulted in rows, one vandalised car and one of which begging to move back in to his busy childhood home.

Now, maybe this is an extreme case; we all get sick of each other and everyone from time to time, but the issue here is that it began before the pandemic. Only,  distractions were available. We could meet a friend, go for a drink, go on holiday. Have a holiday or a night out to look forward to. Now, they’re stuck together in a house they have brought, asking for more than people can afford because now, they want separate living arrangements, and they want to make a profit. Not the easiest of situations to get out of in the best of times.

On the flip side, my fiance and I knew that we didn’t have much experience living with each other, so I suggested renting a place for a year, maybe two. My family didn’t like the idea, but I’m proud to say that, according to them, I changed their minds. Of course, having this comparison couple might have helped me look like the less naive one, but I think it’s a valuable piece of advice for other couples. Living with family may have its perks, but it also has its downsides for couples. Nonetheless, this doesn’t give you the knowledge you need to know whether you’re compatible cohabitation wise. As a couple, it may be you against the in laws. A couple against the rest of the house. Dreaming of having your own space might give you rose tinted specs when looking at the other person. Buying your first home is encouraged as a right of passage, while renting is discouraged as a quick fix. Maybe it is, but it’s also valuable in learning about each other.

When we moved in together, I honestly didn’t know how it would go down. I knew he was messy while I was a neat freak, and that he had a proclivity to get bored on his own. Now, I’m glad to say that now I know that he has moments of tidiness while a sock on the floor doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Plus, as only children, we both like our own space, and knowing that the other person is just in the next room is comfort enough. Renting has been the best choice we could make for ourselves, but it could have gone the other way.

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100 Days of Nature – Day 62 – A Break

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nature

100 Days of Nature – Day 52 – Looking at Now

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In the meantime, all we can do (all we are allowed to do) is take in what is around us immediately. We often spend so much time thinking of somewhere else, that we miss what’s in front and around now. There’s still so much you or I haven’t seen yet of our immediate surroundings and what they have to offer.

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100 Days of Nature – Day 51 – Looking Ahead

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Soon, we’ll be able to explore further afield again. I hope to appreciate more what lies elsewhere, to take in the moment while I’m there.

The Dolomites, Italy

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100 Days of Nature – Day 49 – Serenity

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Now that the weather is brightening up, with a few exceptions, more and more life is starting to emerge. If this isn’t something to look forward to, I dont know what is. Sometimes just to exist and observe is all you need.

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Are To Do Lists the Death of Productivity?

maymargaret

If you have read any of my earlier blogs, you would know that I love a good list. Or, at least, loved. They’re organised, neat, and just creating one can give you a sense of productivity and control. A list represents order, allotted time for certain tasks.

But there’s another side to them, too. Lists can show you how much you have to get done, how much you think you have to do, just to complete the list. If you’re the way I was, an incomplete list is like having an altogether unproductive day. For me, having just one item left, forgotten about or pushed back until the end of the day, was both frustrating and daunting. If i’m honest, it was usually my 10 minute session on Duolingo, learning some French I probably wouldn’t remember afterwards. If I did it, it was the bare minimum, but it counted, didn’t it?

Not necessarily.

I can’t remember the last list I made. I haven’t abandoned them altogether mind, and that’s not what I’m suggesting. But really, what does a to do list contribute towards getting all that necessary, and unnecessary, stuff done? Because I’ve found that not tying myself to a task not only makes me more productive, but it also leaves me much more free time.

So this year I made a dreaded, apparently doomed to fail new years resolution. Doomed to fail because, beyond the first couple of weeks of January, aren’t resolutions doomed to fail by simple self fulfilling prophesy? I think people make them sometimes just to fail them, and then they can laugh about it later about how naive they were, how hopeful they began the shit storm of a year behind them (for some people, no matter what happened in that year, it’s inevitably going to be branded a shit storm.). There’s almost a culture being created around choosing drinking wine in place of a workout and moaning about the shape of the globe on Facebook. But anyway, I digress. Where was I?

Oh yeah, lists.

So I made a resolution to start learning guitar. Properly, this time. A few of my friends have done it, I started back when I was 14. Despite owning three guitars, one of which I made myself, I never could remember a single chord. I tried to stick to this resolution last year, too, but alas, apparently a pandemic gives you copious amounts of time, but its not always paired with motivation. Usually, I would look at the item on my list marked ‘guitar practice’ and pass it off as unimportant. I’ll do more tomorrow.

Now that I don’t make lists, I not only get to practising every day, but I remember more too. And this hasn’t just been the case for guitar. I decided to start learning Spanish on Duo, and I’m on my 31 day streak. I draw more, I read more, I’m more organised in my yoga and running (every Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and still manage to keep the apartment tidy, my bearded dragon alive and set aside more hours than I’m happy to admit on the internet to binge watching Supernatural. I’m not humble bragging (okay maybe just a bit, but now that I meditate I think the smug bug has got me just a tinsy bit) but I think this just shows how unessential lists are. A list can organise your time, but they can also create chores out of things you ought to enjoy. Hobbies are there for exactly that. Enjoyment. And as for cleaning, am I wrong for enjoying this too? It’s a part of life, we might as well make the best of it.

My point is, there comes a point where you’re doing things not because you want to, but because you feel like to have to. It’s exhausting, and its not as productive as you think. If you want to do it, do it. But you don’t have to. And don’t be scared to have a nothing day. Brains get tired, you know.

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100 Days of Nature – Day 3

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So today I was getting a bit antsy, for various reasons. And I realised before lunch I hadn’t done this. I went for a walk, and noticed how suddenly my attention was diverted from the annoyances of my morning to looking for something pretty. A nice little mindfuless exercise blossomed. Who knew? I found this very small flower in the midst of some barren branches.

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My Pandemic Resolutions

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I started last year with so many plans. I guess different goals to what I actually ended up doing, but still, last year could have gone a very different way. Concerts, festivals, travelling… basically everything I resolved to do, or usually do anyway, was cancelled. As a frequenter of Download Festival and person who loves to travel, last year sucked a bit on that part. My second missed opportunity to see Iron Maiden, and now I wonder whether its meant to be.

And while so many expect (an expectation fueled by wishful thinking, perhaps) to be in the midst of a moshpit during the summer months of 2021, I kind of trust that they’ll be disappointed. While so many concerts are covid safe, a festival in which communal toilets and general suspension of usual hygiene standards are perhaps a staple of the weekend experience, the pressure to lock onto the virus will inevitably lead to further cancellations. So, what to do?

I dont want to end this year disappointed, as so many have. And, usually, I dont make what might be traditionally termed as resolutions. But I do like goals. I see both sides of the coin. I like doing things there and then, but I also like putting a time stamp on achievements. I like to look back on the year and think of what I did with my 365 days, and last year was no different. There was a tremendous amount I couldn’t do, but in a way, maybe thats why I did the stuff I actually did. So this year, I want to make a point of setting goals I know will be achievable, even during these enduringly uncertain times.

1. Read more – I read a ton, but it could always be a bit more varied. I’ve recently gotten into dystopia fiction, so maybe a wider scope is on the horizon yet.

2. Learn to play guitar – this has been a goal of mine since 14, but there’s always something else to do. But I want to get out of this year with at least one song learned that isn’t Metallica related.

3. Watch more films – I love my movies. Often movie lovers (from my personal experience) have been judged as couch potatoes. But I’m the best at movie quizzes, if I do say so myself.

4. Run 15km – last year I reached 10, and kind of just stuck to 5 after that.

5. Finally achieve side splits – yoga has been a bit intermittent this year. But now I have the space to do it, so no excuses

6. The three peaks challenge – this was last year’s goal, and the one that didn’t come to fruition. Scafell, Snowdon and Ben Nevis. I’ve done the later two at very different times, so I’d like to make all three.

7. Try self publishing – gotta start somewhere right?

8. Paint more for pleasure – last year I took on a lot of commissions. So many that, while I enjoyed painting members of peoples family, it took the creativity out of me a bit.

9. More photography – I got into taking photos last year, specifically of simple pleasures. Flowers, the sky, the butterfly heading this post. I’d love to have canvases of them.

Were going into this year with a bit of an advantage, if that’s the right word. We know to treat it with caution. We know not to make plans, or at least, we know what plans not to make. This year could still pan out in so many ways, good or bad, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t count, right?

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What is Actually Wrong With Love Actually?

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I love ‘Love Actually’, actually, to quote Kitty from Ghosts. British romcoms just have that thing about them, from my totally biased British opinion. They are cosy and unrealistic and feature a barrage of clumsy bumbling characters. Usually featuring Hugh Grant if you’re thinking of a certain time period for British romcoms. But yes, I love them. I love the stiff upper lip awkwardness, the double entendre, and yes, there are plenty of stereotypes. But movies have stereotypes. And, and this is my main point, movies are fictional.

You’ve probably seen the following kind of article lately. I watched this and I have questions. I watched that classic film and I was horrified. I’m watching love actually for the first time and it’s AWFUL!!! Yes. We get it. It was made in 2003 and you’re super offended by its lack of 2020 standards (and “oh the Andrew Lincoln scene is just creepy”). But is it that bad? I don’t think so. In fact, there’s so many good things about Love Actually that these people don’t seem to realise. The smattering of jokes unique to British humour. The singing priminister’s guard, the irony of a pair of movie body doubles struggling to ask each other out. Emma Thompson’s acting. References to the passengers aboard the planes of 9/11.

The scene between Keira Knightly and Andrew Lincoln is still my favourite scene. As he mentions, he’s confession to provide an explanation, clear the air. Not with any other motives. “With no agenda.”

The criticism around Love Actually and other films of the like, such as Four Weddings and a Funeral, has increased in the last year or two. The key criticism being too straight, or too white. As I say, we are not in the time we were. As for Four Weddings, in my opinion, it features one of the most modern and respectful depictions of a gay couple, even by the depictions used today (such James Corden in that Netflix film… Prom, is it?). In a sea of incorrect and potentially hurtful stereotypes of gay men, we saw a couple that weren’t characatures for cheap jokes. We just saw a couple, the only couple among that group of romantically unsuccessful friends, fully accepted by all.

We need to edge away from the idea that all movies need to depict social issues, need to shoehorn characters in for the sake of diversity. So many films focus on one group of people, and yet today there seems to be this pressure to feature as many racial, cultural and LGBTQ groups as possible into mainstream movies. So much so that it deviates from a true story. Love Actually may have its issues when viewed from the lenses of today, but it wasn’t made for that. It was made for audiences of then. Movies used to be made for escapism. To reflect technological advances. To tell a story. Today, even in a fantasy or a superhero flick, we are being reminded of social issues and imbalances. In the time we are currently in, do we need to be reminded in the evenings too that the world isn’t perfect? Do we need our TV shows to preach to us in a time of what we want to use for relaxation and switching off?

Yes, some movies should be made to deliver a message. But other movies can simply exist to have fun with. To watch when we just want to feel warm and fuzzy, or cry like no one is watching. What, I ask, is wrong with that?