Anything, Everything
In the meantime, all we can do (all we are allowed to do) is take in what is around us immediately. We often spend so much time thinking of somewhere else, that we miss what’s in front and around now. There’s still so much you or I haven’t seen yet of our immediate surroundings and what they have to offer.
Now that the weather is brightening up, with a few exceptions, more and more life is starting to emerge. If this isn’t something to look forward to, I dont know what is. Sometimes just to exist and observe is all you need.
I feel like I’ve had a well rounded experience of relationships. I’ve had a long distance relationship, I’ve had one where the guy lived yards away. I had a relationship with a guy my parents couldn’t stand, and I’ve had a relationship where my parents loved him, but I was the only one who saw his faults. The same goes for break ups. I’ve ended, I’ve mutually agreed to end it, and I’ve been ended with. Each one has its aches. To end a relationship takes responsibility, initiative, and the chance of regret. On the other end, being dumped is essentially a rejection. It’s someone telling you they don’t want to with you any longer, and, in the end, who wants to know someone dumped you? Sadly, despite it having happened to most who have been in a relationship, being on the receiving end is seen as the worst off. A place to feel pitied from, a spot where someone asks what happens and scrunches their nose in consolation.
But it needn’t be that way, particularly when the breaker upper shows absolutely no back bone in doing the breaking up.
A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy in college, who moved on to university. The relationship lasted five years, 3 of which were long distance. In the end, we decided to meet up and do it face to face. The day before he was due back, no changes to his plan, he text me to say it was over. No meet up, nothing. What was I to do with that?
Receiving this kind of text can trigger a range of complex emotions. Predictably, the emotions attached to being broken up with may be suspended due to the lack of event, lack of finality, the pathetic end to a relationship that took years to come to a head.
And yet, oddly enough, this was the best break up I had ever had.
Of course, the following day was a bit icky. The day we were meant to actually meet, the day that had been set aside, was spent with no plans and therefore floating around a little. The next, I went for a long walk in a reserve a few miles away, and had a long think. I realised here that man, this guy had disappointed me.
What I realised during this walk is that this guy had broken up with me, through text. Does anyone do this, with means of avoiding such a cowardly way out, and still maintain their sense of dignity? He was in his twenties and, while I don’t necessarily attach maturity to numerical age, there is a limit. What I realised is that I deserved better. I deserved an explanation, but didn’t get one. I deserved to remind him that I’d tried to break up with him just months previous, but he told me he had enough to deal with with exam pressures and he needed the support. I deserved more.
It was an empowering epiphany, to say the least. The thing is, no matter the circumstance, if it can be avoided, no one should end a relationship through text message. But, if you’re unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end, know it is literally their loss. Not just of you, but I’m sure a little of their self respect falls away with it. But don’t make the mistake of regretting the entire relationship. People come and people leave, but they always serve a purpose. Treat them as teachable moments. This teachable moment served for me to realise that my self worth was not only more important, but also that I didn’t owe any moping to a guy who couldn’t sacrifice thirty minutes of his time to end a relationship in a mature manner.
Also, just a heads up, if a someone bitches about their ex and then laughs because they put on weight, think to yourself; will they treat memories of your relationship with such respect when the next one comes along?
I love food. I’ve always counted myself lucky that I’ve never changed weight, regardless of how much I eat, or what I eat. It’s actually been a point of pride and, in some ways, bragging for me. I remember, for example, doing a food challenge at a local eatery called Beat the Meat, which entailed eating a 32 ounce steak, chips and salad. When the guys at work heard this, they were a mix of impressed that a small girl could eat so much and not just one of those girls who orders a salad when they go out, and giggling about the innuendo opportunities of Beat the Meat.
And then again, I also thought I didn’t really need to eat healthy. I am generally healthy, after all. The odd snack, the odd take away. It’s just treats. Besides, I regard myself as active. I take a walk every morning and walk everywhere just generally. I run every other day, do yoga, and now I have a spin bike. Many of my hobbies are swayed to the active side, so why should I try a bit harder, right?
The thing is, I might be fit, but that doesn’t mean I’m healthy. And recently, I’ve noticed.
As I’ve been moving out, waiting for certain furniture has turned into a bit of an excuse to eat easier meals to cook, or order take away straight off the bat. We don’t have much kitchen work top space and have in consequence ordered an island. While we’ve waited, we’ve lamented over the lack of work top space and just decided to have a take away. It’s nice at the time, but in post I always think how much money we’re spending on take away that’s not going to do us much good. Empty calories that cost far too much, and not just financially.
So where do you start from there? Often, its a moment of clarity. Lying in bed with an achey stomach hours after eating, and suddenly it’s not worth it anymore. Why do we crave this type of food so much? Is it because we see it as a treat, and have therefore associated it with reward? I think, too, it’s become almost excusable in many circumstances. Tired? Get take out. Had a bad day? Get take out. Had a good day? Get take out. Done a work out? You’ve burnt enough calories, get take out.
It’s like with so many other things that aren’t good for us. Wine, hours on our phones, lying on the sofa instead of doing that thing we want to do, and should do, that would make us feel better. Why do we gravitate towards the thing that’s easier and more numbing? Because it’s easier and numbing.
I think getting healthy is very much a personal choice. I know so many people feel that they need support from others, joining a group or going into the same diet with a couple of friends. But what happens when one of them caves, and begins rationalising their choices? Make the decision for yourself and yourself alone. We’re so easily influenced by those around us; we’re social creatures, afterall. And, for so long, unhealthy food, or too much food, has been a social thing for me, too. I always go out eating when it’s with friends, instead of walking or something else recreational. It’s not that they’re not interested, it’s just that eating is easy.
So on Saturday, instead of staying in bed and lamenting over my icky digestive system, I went out and brought actual healthy food. Every day this week, I’ve had a healthy breakfast with fruit, salad for lunch, and a light and healthy diner. I log it all on Noom, an app I’ve had an avoidant relationship since I build up the habit of logging everything, until I eat a biscuit. I’ve used my fitbit more, but I never really needed it to motivate myself to move. But its nice to feel involved, isn’t it?
It might feel like a sacrifice to begin with, but really think about the sacrifice you’re making. What is the sacrifice, really? Feeling better? Having a stomach that doesn’t gargle for hours after eating a kebab? Not pushing yourself for a guilt run in the morning to somehow salvage yourself? Starting the day feeling energized after a nutritious start?
Don’t let eating bad food become your identity because you think you can get away with it; you might look okay on the outside, but think about what its doing to your inside.
Paint a Mental Picture 