100 Days of Nature – Day 71 – Looking Up
Tag: lifestyle
Why Couples Should Probably Rent First – Testing the Waters.
Before I decided to move out (during the pandemic rather than after it had settled down) the idea of renting was somewhat drilled into me as an undesirable waste of money. Renting meant giving money on a monthly basis to help someone else get wealthier, while my living space would never be mine in the way that I would want it. It would always be someone else’s to call the shots with. Instead, mortgages and actually buying straight of the bat was the way to go. My own space to do what I wanted with. That was the way to go, the right way.
But is it? Or is it perhaps that renting is a wise way of testing the waters?
During the pandemic, there’s probably been a big shift in living arrangements for many of us. Those of us in relationships who still live at home might have moved in with their significant other’s family, or they might have come to you. This might have been the situation already while, as a couple, you’ve been saving to buy your first home. I know a couple in this situation, who are buying with a help to buy mainly because they can’t stand living with the others’ family. During lock down, relationships have come under strain, and arguments start over the most pathetic things. Who broke what and who used someone else’s something or other. The people in our household are literally the only people we can be in close quarters with, and that might be seen as a great opportunity for relationship building. For the short term, at least. For a year? Maybe any way of escape might do.
But then I know other couples. One couple who brought a house together fresh from years living in one of their family homes. A family home that just happens to be streaming with young kids. Getting their own space was the only solution, and, again, buying was the only acceptable option. A couple of years later (one pandemic later) and something unexpected happens.
They realise they don’t like each other.
Why did it take a pandemic to realise this? Well, this couple just happens to be a very sociable couple, who spend Friday and Saturday nights out with friends and the rest of the week at work, thinking about the future nights out with friends. In comes Corona virus, and suddenly this couple have been forced to spend time together, with no one else. Horror of horrors, it has resulted in rows, one vandalised car and one of which begging to move back in to his busy childhood home.
Now, maybe this is an extreme case; we all get sick of each other and everyone from time to time, but the issue here is that it began before the pandemic. Only, distractions were available. We could meet a friend, go for a drink, go on holiday. Have a holiday or a night out to look forward to. Now, they’re stuck together in a house they have brought, asking for more than people can afford because now, they want separate living arrangements, and they want to make a profit. Not the easiest of situations to get out of in the best of times.
On the flip side, my fiance and I knew that we didn’t have much experience living with each other, so I suggested renting a place for a year, maybe two. My family didn’t like the idea, but I’m proud to say that, according to them, I changed their minds. Of course, having this comparison couple might have helped me look like the less naive one, but I think it’s a valuable piece of advice for other couples. Living with family may have its perks, but it also has its downsides for couples. Nonetheless, this doesn’t give you the knowledge you need to know whether you’re compatible cohabitation wise. As a couple, it may be you against the in laws. A couple against the rest of the house. Dreaming of having your own space might give you rose tinted specs when looking at the other person. Buying your first home is encouraged as a right of passage, while renting is discouraged as a quick fix. Maybe it is, but it’s also valuable in learning about each other.
When we moved in together, I honestly didn’t know how it would go down. I knew he was messy while I was a neat freak, and that he had a proclivity to get bored on his own. Now, I’m glad to say that now I know that he has moments of tidiness while a sock on the floor doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Plus, as only children, we both like our own space, and knowing that the other person is just in the next room is comfort enough. Renting has been the best choice we could make for ourselves, but it could have gone the other way.
100 Days of Nature – Day 65 – Painted Sunsets
100 Days of Nature – Day 62 – A Break
100 Days of Nature – Day 60 – Simplicity
So for a few days I’ve had a back back, and for the first time I’ve noticed how icky a bad back can be. I’ve not enjoyed walks like I do usually, I’ve not looked for things to take a photograph of. But this morning, I felt better. And what better way to start a good day than with a beautiful sunrise?
100 Days of Nature – Day 59 – The Happiest Colour
Things I Want to Say to Artists on Social Media
Social media can be great, but it can also be toxic. Pointing out the obvious, I know. But I have a specific reason for that. As an artist, I know how easy it is to get sucked into the world of follow for follow and what not. This is my second post on this topic, because really it just makes me sad to see people burn themselves out chasing likes, follows and fame.
The truth is, there’s a sad reality around being an artist on social media. And it’s this; for every artist who gets recognition, there’s hundreds who give up on their craft, or their aspirations to be a good or great artist, because they think no one is paying attention to their work. They think, “if no one likes my work, this means I’m no good,” or the like. This is not the case. I’m going to be blunt here, I’ve seen many great, skilled artists with very few followers on Instagram, while those with limited skill have thousands. I myself have under 300, and this used to bother me.
And then, the other day, I saw on Facebook someone griping about not being able to get above 750 followers, because people followed and unfollowed days later, and so posted her link on a few art pages for people to follow. This was responded to with the dreaded ‘follow for follow’ requests.
Now, I think what her problem was was that each person who unfollowed was formally expecting a follow in return, and so stubbornly clicked that button in protest. So many artists want something in return for their simple click of a button, and that is how it has become such a powerful action, the difference, for some, between having a day confident of one’s skill, or thinking you’re a failure because not enough people liked your latest post.
But I’ve being thinking about this during this pandemic. Afterall, if anything it has been a time for reflection, where social media has become such a prized tool for networking, what with an opportunity for small businesses to potentially thrive in the face of mass store closures. Drawing may be your income, but for those of us who just like to create, where do you draw the line?
This is how I see it;
1. Being an artist is often about reciprocation ; you’ll get a follow or a like because people like your work. Sometimes, however, it’s because they want your likes and follows in return.
2. If you draw for likes, you’re not creating for good reasons ; drawing is such a sharable, useful skill. But what is the point in doing something that ought to be relaxing, inspiring or just something that is meant to bring you joy, if you’re going to get stressed and miserable over it instead?
3. Stick to what you’re good at ; some people can pluck an idea out of their head, and put it to paper. Others can replicate a face directly with pencils. But if you have a niche, no matter how obscure it is, that will bring you much more happiness than attempting a shareable fan art piece of the latest movie character you probably don’t care about.
4. Think about turning art into your income; really think about it. Drawing day in and night out might sound like a tremendous gift, but do you really want to turn something you love into a chore? I remember when I was fourteen, having started my GCSEs at school, and I chose media instead of art. I was told this was stupid numerous times because, for me, they thought art would be an easy win. Even one of my teachers told me I wasted a GCSE. But I also love film, and thats why I chose media studies. It wasn’t wasting a qualification in anyway, and if anything, I feel I love my skill more because I have a choice in it. But customers, in short, can be crabby. Most are delightful, don’t get me wrong, but you also get the ones who don’t understand that a drawing is an interpretation, not a print out. Drawing is a honed skill with a person’s hand doing it, not a soulless computer. It takes time, resources and confidence to put yourself out there, and confidence can shatter just like that.
I’m not trying to put anyone off. In fact, I’m trying to be that pragmatic person who wants artists to keep loving what they do. If you don’t get so many likes as you thought you would, that’s okay. Van Gogh was questioned, doubted and insulted for his percieved lack of skill, and today is arguably the most celebrated artist of his generation. There’s so many of us now, and so much talent out there. Talent shouldn’t be wasted on shallow things such as likes.
100 Days of Nature – Day 52 – Looking at Now
In the meantime, all we can do (all we are allowed to do) is take in what is around us immediately. We often spend so much time thinking of somewhere else, that we miss what’s in front and around now. There’s still so much you or I haven’t seen yet of our immediate surroundings and what they have to offer.
100 Days of Nature – Day 49 – Serenity
Now that the weather is brightening up, with a few exceptions, more and more life is starting to emerge. If this isn’t something to look forward to, I dont know what is. Sometimes just to exist and observe is all you need.
Being Dumped Through Text – Why It Should Empower You
I feel like I’ve had a well rounded experience of relationships. I’ve had a long distance relationship, I’ve had one where the guy lived yards away. I had a relationship with a guy my parents couldn’t stand, and I’ve had a relationship where my parents loved him, but I was the only one who saw his faults. The same goes for break ups. I’ve ended, I’ve mutually agreed to end it, and I’ve been ended with. Each one has its aches. To end a relationship takes responsibility, initiative, and the chance of regret. On the other end, being dumped is essentially a rejection. It’s someone telling you they don’t want to with you any longer, and, in the end, who wants to know someone dumped you? Sadly, despite it having happened to most who have been in a relationship, being on the receiving end is seen as the worst off. A place to feel pitied from, a spot where someone asks what happens and scrunches their nose in consolation.
But it needn’t be that way, particularly when the breaker upper shows absolutely no back bone in doing the breaking up.
A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy in college, who moved on to university. The relationship lasted five years, 3 of which were long distance. In the end, we decided to meet up and do it face to face. The day before he was due back, no changes to his plan, he text me to say it was over. No meet up, nothing. What was I to do with that?
Receiving this kind of text can trigger a range of complex emotions. Predictably, the emotions attached to being broken up with may be suspended due to the lack of event, lack of finality, the pathetic end to a relationship that took years to come to a head.
And yet, oddly enough, this was the best break up I had ever had.
Of course, the following day was a bit icky. The day we were meant to actually meet, the day that had been set aside, was spent with no plans and therefore floating around a little. The next, I went for a long walk in a reserve a few miles away, and had a long think. I realised here that man, this guy had disappointed me.
What I realised during this walk is that this guy had broken up with me, through text. Does anyone do this, with means of avoiding such a cowardly way out, and still maintain their sense of dignity? He was in his twenties and, while I don’t necessarily attach maturity to numerical age, there is a limit. What I realised is that I deserved better. I deserved an explanation, but didn’t get one. I deserved to remind him that I’d tried to break up with him just months previous, but he told me he had enough to deal with with exam pressures and he needed the support. I deserved more.
It was an empowering epiphany, to say the least. The thing is, no matter the circumstance, if it can be avoided, no one should end a relationship through text message. But, if you’re unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end, know it is literally their loss. Not just of you, but I’m sure a little of their self respect falls away with it. But don’t make the mistake of regretting the entire relationship. People come and people leave, but they always serve a purpose. Treat them as teachable moments. This teachable moment served for me to realise that my self worth was not only more important, but also that I didn’t owe any moping to a guy who couldn’t sacrifice thirty minutes of his time to end a relationship in a mature manner.
Also, just a heads up, if a someone bitches about their ex and then laughs because they put on weight, think to yourself; will they treat memories of your relationship with such respect when the next one comes along?
Paint a Mental Picture 