Tag: mental health

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Are To Do Lists the Death of Productivity?

maymargaret

If you have read any of my earlier blogs, you would know that I love a good list. Or, at least, loved. They’re organised, neat, and just creating one can give you a sense of productivity and control. A list represents order, allotted time for certain tasks.

But there’s another side to them, too. Lists can show you how much you have to get done, how much you think you have to do, just to complete the list. If you’re the way I was, an incomplete list is like having an altogether unproductive day. For me, having just one item left, forgotten about or pushed back until the end of the day, was both frustrating and daunting. If i’m honest, it was usually my 10 minute session on Duolingo, learning some French I probably wouldn’t remember afterwards. If I did it, it was the bare minimum, but it counted, didn’t it?

Not necessarily.

I can’t remember the last list I made. I haven’t abandoned them altogether mind, and that’s not what I’m suggesting. But really, what does a to do list contribute towards getting all that necessary, and unnecessary, stuff done? Because I’ve found that not tying myself to a task not only makes me more productive, but it also leaves me much more free time.

So this year I made a dreaded, apparently doomed to fail new years resolution. Doomed to fail because, beyond the first couple of weeks of January, aren’t resolutions doomed to fail by simple self fulfilling prophesy? I think people make them sometimes just to fail them, and then they can laugh about it later about how naive they were, how hopeful they began the shit storm of a year behind them (for some people, no matter what happened in that year, it’s inevitably going to be branded a shit storm.). There’s almost a culture being created around choosing drinking wine in place of a workout and moaning about the shape of the globe on Facebook. But anyway, I digress. Where was I?

Oh yeah, lists.

So I made a resolution to start learning guitar. Properly, this time. A few of my friends have done it, I started back when I was 14. Despite owning three guitars, one of which I made myself, I never could remember a single chord. I tried to stick to this resolution last year, too, but alas, apparently a pandemic gives you copious amounts of time, but its not always paired with motivation. Usually, I would look at the item on my list marked ‘guitar practice’ and pass it off as unimportant. I’ll do more tomorrow.

Now that I don’t make lists, I not only get to practising every day, but I remember more too. And this hasn’t just been the case for guitar. I decided to start learning Spanish on Duo, and I’m on my 31 day streak. I draw more, I read more, I’m more organised in my yoga and running (every Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and still manage to keep the apartment tidy, my bearded dragon alive and set aside more hours than I’m happy to admit on the internet to binge watching Supernatural. I’m not humble bragging (okay maybe just a bit, but now that I meditate I think the smug bug has got me just a tinsy bit) but I think this just shows how unessential lists are. A list can organise your time, but they can also create chores out of things you ought to enjoy. Hobbies are there for exactly that. Enjoyment. And as for cleaning, am I wrong for enjoying this too? It’s a part of life, we might as well make the best of it.

My point is, there comes a point where you’re doing things not because you want to, but because you feel like to have to. It’s exhausting, and its not as productive as you think. If you want to do it, do it. But you don’t have to. And don’t be scared to have a nothing day. Brains get tired, you know.

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Should Celebrities Be Punished More for Breaking Covid Rules?

maymargaret

Is it just me, or do people get more idiotic as the pandemic goes on?

I get it. We’ve been in this situation for going on a year now, and in some ways it feels like we are further away from coming out of it. Even with vaccines, the fourth just being announced, we are still a very long way from normality. And the longer we go, I guess the more tempting it is to just break a rule. Travel a bit further, meet a friend, hug a relative. And yet, so many of us haven’t. So why do so many think themselves above the rules?

For a few months now, £10,000 fines have been handed out left right and centre. From house parties to outdoor raves in abandoned train station tunnels, private funerals to 400+ strong weddings behind blacked out windows. But for some reason, famous people breaking the same rules just feels that bit more infuriating.

My prime beef is with the situation of Rita Ora’s 30th birthday party. We all know the story; 30 guests to a pricey upmarket restaurant in London, which was at the time a Tier 3 zone, which prohibited such gatherings. This happened weeks ago, but over the last couple of days police have issued further information concerning the set up of this party. Apparently, Rita Ora’s ‘team’ offered the restaurant £5,000 to open the restaurant and hold this private gathering, during which CCTV cameras were switched off (I believe, I know they were done to not capture the festivities, I’m a lousy researcher, and who has the time anyway?) and curtains blacked out the windows. When the police alerted the guests inside, they all fell quiet. Clearly behaviour of those being caught out.

So why is this so much more infuriating to me? I don’t think I’m alone in this either. The fact of the matter is, Ora was able to spend £5,000 just to ask this restaurant owner, who’s business had no doubt taking a hit in earnings, as so many other business have, to open this venue. The fine, which she so graciously offered to pay, was £10,000. Is that fair? This kind of fine might financially cripple so many, but I have an incling that £10,000 is not such a big deal to her. With numerous promotional deals for business ongoing, a new brand of tequila out, and a role in a frankly god awful looking film (yes, I love Oliver! and just let me have my rant) is she really regretful of her choices from an earnings perspective?

So this raises the question; should celebrities be punished more for breaking the rules? In short, I say yay. The fact of the matter is, she is a public figure. So many politicians have lost their jobs over travelling a long distance or going to pubs, partly because of their public image. As for the general public, their mistakes cost them an eye watering fine, potential naming and shaming among relatives, and maybe even blurred out footage posted online. This could be damning to anyone, and that’s why I think standardising the fine for everyone to one amount is unfair. I think a celebrity, a high earning public figure with a thriving career in multiple forms and a large following ought to pay a higher price.

Instead of a standard £10,000 fine, the fine should be worked out in a similar way to tax. A 5 or 20% cut, say, of their annual earnings for that year. Perhaps it should be donated to help towards the covid efforts, PPE and extra staff and all that. I also think that promotions of their own products should be suspended for a period of time. I think they should be held accountable for their actions, and maybe even throw a bit of suspended social media activity. Years ago, that would have sounded like grounding a teenager for staying out too late. Today, so much is achieved through apps such as Instagram, TikTok and Twitter, that it’s become a viable tool to become famous, and keep getting more famous.

For everyone, I don’t think it’s enough to issue adverts of radio asking us if we can look someone in the eye and lie about our adherence to the rules. Instead, I think it should warn those breaking the rules to such a brazen degree that if you choose to break them , no matter who you are, you are wilfully giving the powers that be permission to use your photograph and name and share your identity as one of the few who are potentially keeping us all in this mess. That they were contributing to the spread of a virus that has prevented people from meeting loved ones, from comforting a relative in their last moments, from celebrating life events in the way that they should be celebrated.

I think that if people feel their name, popularity and reputation is threatened, they are much more likely to comply than if they are told that people will die. Sad, isn’t it?

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Work Anxiety – Is Your Career Worth It?

maymargaret

I’ve always said that as long as I get on with my colleagues, can support myself, and not dread going into work every day, I’ll be happy in what ever I do. We are all cogs, paramount in keeping the world turning.

A couple of times however, I have doubted my own stance. For most of my working life, the jobs I have had had fulfilled the above. But I always felt I could do more. Those around me expressed that they thought I could do more. Sometimes, it makes you think that just being content isn’t the be all and end all.

But should pushing yourself to fulfill your potential mean sacrificing your comfort?

Today, we are encouraged to look after our mental health much more than we used to. But there are still gaps, reminiscent of the days of not so old, in which employers exhibit a kind of disregard for their employees. Mental health related sick days are still fairly unheard of. For most, the idea of calling in to work after a panic attack and telling the truth about why you don’t want to come into work might seem either mortifying, weak, or may actually be detrimental to our job security. But remember, you’re working to live – not living to work.

Back in 2019, I was between jobs, and got accepted by a pensions company in my area. It was perfect for me. I knew people there, it was close by. Upon starting, I discovered an array of career advancement opportunities that were preached to us every day for the three week long initiation. Plus, I love a good course. There were courses aplenty. Further, the place had its own coffee shop and a canteen that served steak on Thursdays.

But then the proper training started. The office was filled with either the prototype company people who can’t say a bad word (like, can’t) and the ones who’s souls had left and never came back. And while everyone else was to start on a simple task to get to know the system, another trainee and myself were put on the most complex one there was. No one agreed with this choice, but our team leader had none of it.

Over the next two months, I had one long cold and many chats with my coworker about how bad our lot was. We trained for weeks, and picked up only a hand full. Each catch up with our TL left us more disenchanted with the place, and more than a reasonable amount of my wage was spent on ham and cheese croissants just to make the day bearable. For lunch, I would take a walk. Each time I left the building, I had to drag myself back.

Then came the day when people started leaving. By the time I had made my choice to try and like the place, over half of my intake had vanished, never to be seen again. Stress was the leading reason. On my last day, I took a stroll to the local pond, and told myself I could just not turn up again. It was bad work practice, but hell, it would be satisfying. My coworker had also caused herself so much stress that she disclosed to me some personal health issues she’d been having.

The following day I called in, and left.

Preceeding this, I had taken 2 consecutive sick days due to a panic attack the night before. I requested a meeting with my TL to discuss moving onto another task, but she monopolised the conversation with my errors, ignoring or disregarding my points. It was an office with a high staff turn over, so they couldn’t afford for people to move.

So, what was so stressful about this job? Nothing, really. And yet, it was stressful nonetheless. It wasnt the job, it was the work environment. Unreasonable expectations of new, fresh starters. Above all, a hypocritical attitude that we should be, among other skills, able to handle mentally vulnerable customers with due care. What about us?

The thing is, while work places have taken strides in mental health education and awareness, some of them have been dragged kicking and screaming into acknowledging that they employ humans with minds and emotions. There’s still a long way to go, and, while it may not sound like a biggy, remember; work is a staple of our routine. It’s something we do every day. Would you rather do something that’s judged as worthwhile at the cost of your happiness? My fiance did; he went down the teacher route. And goodness, he hated it. Ironically, he moved to the place I discussed above, and while it’s not perfect, its a damn sight less stressful.

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100 Days of Nature

maymargaret

It’s easy to lose love for the place you live in. That’s what holidays are for, afterall. During this time, in which we are once again being told to stay at home, and to only leave for essential trips and exercise, the same four walls, patches of grass and trails within walking distance might wear thin real fast.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Of course, getting away is nice. Just for the change of scenery alone, for a different sunset, different view and different company. But we don’t have to go far to find beauty at all.

Yesterday I hiked up the Wrekin (a local mountain in Shropshire) and was struck by the beauty of the peak in the snow. I fell over, but I didn’t care. The trees were still stunning.

Day 1 of 100 Days of Nature

And thats when an idea came to me. I want to make an effort to appreciate the nature close to me, when I can’t go elsewhere. Beauty is closer than we all think. And thats why every day for the next hundred days, I want to go out and find it. Whether it be in a flower, a bird, a tree or the sky. And of course today we appreciate what we see in different ways. I like to look at things without a lens, but I also like to capture the moment.

We may not be able to travel to find a most striking beauty spots. It’s difficult to appreciate something you may have passed by a thousand times. But on the 19th of April I want to have enough photographs to look back on to prove that beauty is everywhere, if you look for it.

lists

My Pandemic Resolutions

maymargaret

I started last year with so many plans. I guess different goals to what I actually ended up doing, but still, last year could have gone a very different way. Concerts, festivals, travelling… basically everything I resolved to do, or usually do anyway, was cancelled. As a frequenter of Download Festival and person who loves to travel, last year sucked a bit on that part. My second missed opportunity to see Iron Maiden, and now I wonder whether its meant to be.

And while so many expect (an expectation fueled by wishful thinking, perhaps) to be in the midst of a moshpit during the summer months of 2021, I kind of trust that they’ll be disappointed. While so many concerts are covid safe, a festival in which communal toilets and general suspension of usual hygiene standards are perhaps a staple of the weekend experience, the pressure to lock onto the virus will inevitably lead to further cancellations. So, what to do?

I dont want to end this year disappointed, as so many have. And, usually, I dont make what might be traditionally termed as resolutions. But I do like goals. I see both sides of the coin. I like doing things there and then, but I also like putting a time stamp on achievements. I like to look back on the year and think of what I did with my 365 days, and last year was no different. There was a tremendous amount I couldn’t do, but in a way, maybe thats why I did the stuff I actually did. So this year, I want to make a point of setting goals I know will be achievable, even during these enduringly uncertain times.

1. Read more – I read a ton, but it could always be a bit more varied. I’ve recently gotten into dystopia fiction, so maybe a wider scope is on the horizon yet.

2. Learn to play guitar – this has been a goal of mine since 14, but there’s always something else to do. But I want to get out of this year with at least one song learned that isn’t Metallica related.

3. Watch more films – I love my movies. Often movie lovers (from my personal experience) have been judged as couch potatoes. But I’m the best at movie quizzes, if I do say so myself.

4. Run 15km – last year I reached 10, and kind of just stuck to 5 after that.

5. Finally achieve side splits – yoga has been a bit intermittent this year. But now I have the space to do it, so no excuses

6. The three peaks challenge – this was last year’s goal, and the one that didn’t come to fruition. Scafell, Snowdon and Ben Nevis. I’ve done the later two at very different times, so I’d like to make all three.

7. Try self publishing – gotta start somewhere right?

8. Paint more for pleasure – last year I took on a lot of commissions. So many that, while I enjoyed painting members of peoples family, it took the creativity out of me a bit.

9. More photography – I got into taking photos last year, specifically of simple pleasures. Flowers, the sky, the butterfly heading this post. I’d love to have canvases of them.

Were going into this year with a bit of an advantage, if that’s the right word. We know to treat it with caution. We know not to make plans, or at least, we know what plans not to make. This year could still pan out in so many ways, good or bad, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t count, right?

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2020 in Review

maymargaret

If there’s one phrase I keep hearing, its “I can’t wait for 2020 to be over” and the like. And yes, I get that. Its been a turbulent year. But the reality is that the pandemic will not be limited to 2020. In fact, the pandemic for many parts of the world began before 2020. Today, I wondered whether I’d still be judging people for not wearing a mask or standing 2 meters apart in a year’s time. It feels like second nature now, to distance and mask up each time I’m in a shop, and sneer at those for not doing so. Its been a unique year, to say the least.

But does that mean its write off? For many who have lost loved ones, who have been isolated, or who have faced this pandemic from the front line, perhaps that is the case. 2020 for many has, in short, been an absolute shit storm. Redundancies, job losses, cut backs, companies closing because they cannot fund running in the midst of a virus that results in reduced custom. But for the rest of us, 2020 has meant more time with family, working in the comfort of our jammies, and having just that little bit more time to take stock of our mental and physical health. Rather than declare 2020 as just a year that shouldn’t count, I’m taking it from my privileged position as a period in history in which I was there. Taking the good with the bad.

So what has 2020 been to me? And yes, I’m focusing on the positives. There’s too much negativity in the world to begin with.

2020 has meant branching out. More and different books, trying a few different crafts, watching a few different films. TV shows I’ve never thought about watching before. Having that time has meant not being too tired after a day’s work to do anything more than flopping on the sofa to watch the same old same old.

2020 has meant more time for education. I started and finished (and passed) my first module for my masters degree. Due to working from home, my lunch breaks and down time were filled with essays and reading as opposed to mindless scrolling through my phone.

2020 has meant fitness goals. Back in March I ran my first 10km, as I was meant to be doing a charity 10k elsewhere. Instead, I did it on my own, on a treadmill, in my living room, with a virtual tour of Vienna on the go on my TV. I’ve also been working more on my yoga, and I’m sure I’ve progressed (somehow).

2020 has meant more painting. Art has been in my life since my first bronchiosaurus drawing at the age of 5. But this year I’ve done many more commisions than usual, and its given me the chance to develop. I’ve painted birds and babies for the first time. Turns out I’m not too shabby if I do say so myself.

2020 has meant new experiences. I’ve never worked from home before, and I do quite like it. I passed my 1 year anniversary at my job on the 18th. Its also given me the drive to take my first long weekend trip on my own, which was not only greatly needed, but a big kick in my confidence of my own independence too.

2020 has meant moving out – last week, I moved in to an apartment with my fiance. A couple of arguments with the company selling us our table later (a further couple about the broadband) and I think we’re actually formulating a home.

2020 has, in short, meant progress. I’m a true believer in baby steps, that progress counts everywhere, and can happen anywhere. If you’re reading this, you have survived this pandemic so far. Maybe you’ve partaken in the plays streamed on YouTube, taken up a long distance course to pass the time. Maybe you’ve used your time to learn a few guitar chords. Whatever this year has been, its been an experience. Whether good or bad, we’re still here.

Merry Chrimbo and a Happy New Year

Xx

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Simple Underrated Pleasures

maymargaret

1. Going for a walk or a run when the sky is beautiful.

2. Clean sheets and lavender after a long day.

3. Watching a good old movie.

4. Eating something just that little bit indulgent with some mindful music playing.

5. Breaking the monotony at your desk by playing a cheesy classic; my present choice is Celine Dion’s version of I Drove All Night.

6. Eating alone in a cafe or restaurant, not a rush or care in the world.

7. Appreciating the colours of the clouds just as evening is settling in during winter.

8. Going to bed knowing that you did your best, were your healthiest, and now this is your time.

9. Realising you don’t have to be productive all the time to improve yourself and your mood

10. Doing something that typically causes you anxiety, because, at the end of the day, what the hell.

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Reasons to Create – Besides Views and Likes

maymargaret

When it comes to being an artist, I’m not a fan of social media. If you read my views concerning Instagram and using it to get follows and likes, you probably gathered this already. But, in a climate of so many creaters, its probably crossed your mind once or twice to just down tools, and find something else to do. Or, maybe you’ve been tempted to sacrifice what makes your work unique for something more uniform, more sharable. More potentially viral.

This has happened to too many. Sometimes, a born artist just isn’t a born advertiser of their own work. Maybe modesty gets in the way, or the paranoia that many will say you think you’re better than you are puts you off. For me, self promotion is just a nightmare, and I can’t do it. I can’t be one of those people who sends out their own work to the personal accounts of potential audience members. I tried it once to see how it went, and I just felt like a double glazing sales person.

On the flip side, I also question why being an artist means, to other people, that you should get your art out there. Now, hear me out. I know what you’re thinking, what is the point? What is the point in creating artwork if you’re the only person who sees it, or at most, the friends and family who follow you on your Facebook page?

The thing is, self promotion can be exhausting. I’ve said it before, I think some artists *ahem content farms ahem* but more effort into social media and making sharable content than actually putting effort and passion into their work. Its disheartening to say the least, but you shouldn’t stop.

So why should you keep creating, even if you don’t want to advertise?

1. Its nice to have a talent – I love creating. Its something I’ve always done, and it’s one source of self pride I have when I feel a bit rubbish. Whether it’s painting, sketching or pottery, I’ve always found myself feeling much better after doing something; as long as you like it and feel proud, what else matters?

2. An outlet – creating can relieve stress. Whether its a mindful exercise or just something to take your mind away from something causing you anxiety, having that time away to just make something with your own skill can be highly cathartic.

3. It doesn’t mean you can’t make money – over the last few months I’ve had a few commissions; birds, family portraits, and pet portraits. Sometimes, family can be very useful for singing your praises, and soon the requests start rolling in.

4. Its not how it used to be – one of the most widely used anecdotes artists use to console their lack of sales is that Van Gogh sold one painting in his lifetime, to a man called Julien Tanguey. But we are not in Van Gogh’s lifetime, and now, so many styles and methods are accepted that if Van Gogh were of today’s generation, his success may have been different. Who knows. Its mere speculation. But, again, there’s just so many artists battling for follows, recognition, views… who knows whether Van Gogh’s work would have been so unique and distinctive in today’s climate?

5. It might happen one day, so keep going – as arduous as it might be, if you’re that sure you want to get recognition, then just keep going. Stick to your principles and style, don’t be afraid to try new things if that’s what you want to do. Work up your portfolio, and stay true to yourself. Utilise your imagination. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to stumble across you.

6. You can still inspire – a couple of months ago, I went to London in something I can only describe as escaping. I just felt generally rubbish, and needed a change of scenery, people, all that. One day, I was walking around a very quiet National Gallery, and got a ping through Facebook. Someone had spotted the below painting on a page, and she was asking permission to try and recreate it. It was a lovely moment, and I was more than happy to give permission.

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Adulthood is Who You Are – Not what You’ve Achieved

maymargaret

I got accepted for an apartment yesterday. This might be no big deal for many my age (27) but it is to me. This is not only my first apartment. I’m moving out of my family home.

I’ve been self conscious about this fact, because so many people I know are already married with kids, a house of their own. All that adult stuff we’re told makes you an adult.

But most of my friends haven’t got that far yet. And yet, they still felt like more adult to me. They drive, for one. I don’t. I’ve settled on the fact that I’m just not meant to be a driver, and frankly, I’m okay with that. I’ve failed my test enough now to know its not meant to be.

I have been treated differently for this reason, however. Because I don’t drive or have chosen to stay at home until I could save enough for a deposit, I’ve often been called out for my lack of life experience. But this isn’t life experience. Its just a different life experience.

I’m sure loads of people my age have confronted this… this self anxiety, for want of a better term. Lying awake at night, wondering whether that person is more adult because they’ve done this, or done that. But now I see the use in having these thoughts. It really makes you see just what makes an adult. Is it a belief that as long as you have a car, house and bills, you quality as the font of wisdom? Or is it an awareness that often, these are just drilled into us to keep us spending, because apparently adulthood is so desirable?

So what if my life experience is different? I’ve still done my degree. I’ve still been in full time employment for my whole adult life. I’ve still paid my taxes. I’ve known work stress and anxiety, I’ve travelled much more than those who boast more life experience and have the driving licence to prove it.

So I say this; don’t be self conscious about where you are in life. I’ve gone too long thinking that I’m deserving of the condescension. If I’d followed that path, I wouldn’t feel what I feel now. Being an adult and being a grown up are two different concepts.