Tag: moving out

Opinion and Advice

Why Couples Should Probably Rent First – Testing the Waters.

maymargaret

Before I decided to move out (during the pandemic rather than after it had settled down) the idea of renting was somewhat drilled into me as an undesirable waste of money. Renting meant giving money on a monthly basis to help someone else get wealthier, while my living space would never be mine in the way that I would want it. It would always be someone else’s to call the shots with. Instead, mortgages and actually buying straight of the bat was the way to go. My own space to do what I wanted with. That was the way to go, the right way.

But is it? Or is it perhaps that renting is a wise way of testing the waters?

During the pandemic, there’s probably been a big shift in living arrangements for many of us. Those of us in relationships who still live at home might have moved in with their significant other’s family, or they might have come to you. This might have been the situation already while, as a couple, you’ve been saving to buy your first home. I know a couple in this situation, who are buying with a help to buy mainly because they can’t stand living with the others’ family. During lock down, relationships have come under strain, and arguments start over the most pathetic things. Who broke what and who used someone else’s something or other. The people in our household are literally the only people we can be in close quarters with, and that might be seen as a great opportunity for relationship building. For the short term, at least. For a year? Maybe any way of escape might do.

But then I know other couples. One couple who brought a house together fresh from years living in one of their family homes. A family home that just happens to be streaming with young kids. Getting their own space was the only solution, and, again, buying was the only acceptable option. A couple of years later (one pandemic later) and something unexpected happens.

They realise they don’t like each other.

Why did it take a pandemic to realise this? Well, this couple just happens to be a very sociable couple, who spend Friday and Saturday nights out with friends and the rest of the week at work, thinking about the future nights out with friends. In comes Corona virus, and suddenly this couple have been forced to spend time together, with no one else. Horror of horrors, it has resulted in rows, one vandalised car and one of which begging to move back in to his busy childhood home.

Now, maybe this is an extreme case; we all get sick of each other and everyone from time to time, but the issue here is that it began before the pandemic. Only,  distractions were available. We could meet a friend, go for a drink, go on holiday. Have a holiday or a night out to look forward to. Now, they’re stuck together in a house they have brought, asking for more than people can afford because now, they want separate living arrangements, and they want to make a profit. Not the easiest of situations to get out of in the best of times.

On the flip side, my fiance and I knew that we didn’t have much experience living with each other, so I suggested renting a place for a year, maybe two. My family didn’t like the idea, but I’m proud to say that, according to them, I changed their minds. Of course, having this comparison couple might have helped me look like the less naive one, but I think it’s a valuable piece of advice for other couples. Living with family may have its perks, but it also has its downsides for couples. Nonetheless, this doesn’t give you the knowledge you need to know whether you’re compatible cohabitation wise. As a couple, it may be you against the in laws. A couple against the rest of the house. Dreaming of having your own space might give you rose tinted specs when looking at the other person. Buying your first home is encouraged as a right of passage, while renting is discouraged as a quick fix. Maybe it is, but it’s also valuable in learning about each other.

When we moved in together, I honestly didn’t know how it would go down. I knew he was messy while I was a neat freak, and that he had a proclivity to get bored on his own. Now, I’m glad to say that now I know that he has moments of tidiness while a sock on the floor doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Plus, as only children, we both like our own space, and knowing that the other person is just in the next room is comfort enough. Renting has been the best choice we could make for ourselves, but it could have gone the other way.

lists, Uncategorized

Are To Do Lists the Death of Productivity?

maymargaret

If you have read any of my earlier blogs, you would know that I love a good list. Or, at least, loved. They’re organised, neat, and just creating one can give you a sense of productivity and control. A list represents order, allotted time for certain tasks.

But there’s another side to them, too. Lists can show you how much you have to get done, how much you think you have to do, just to complete the list. If you’re the way I was, an incomplete list is like having an altogether unproductive day. For me, having just one item left, forgotten about or pushed back until the end of the day, was both frustrating and daunting. If i’m honest, it was usually my 10 minute session on Duolingo, learning some French I probably wouldn’t remember afterwards. If I did it, it was the bare minimum, but it counted, didn’t it?

Not necessarily.

I can’t remember the last list I made. I haven’t abandoned them altogether mind, and that’s not what I’m suggesting. But really, what does a to do list contribute towards getting all that necessary, and unnecessary, stuff done? Because I’ve found that not tying myself to a task not only makes me more productive, but it also leaves me much more free time.

So this year I made a dreaded, apparently doomed to fail new years resolution. Doomed to fail because, beyond the first couple of weeks of January, aren’t resolutions doomed to fail by simple self fulfilling prophesy? I think people make them sometimes just to fail them, and then they can laugh about it later about how naive they were, how hopeful they began the shit storm of a year behind them (for some people, no matter what happened in that year, it’s inevitably going to be branded a shit storm.). There’s almost a culture being created around choosing drinking wine in place of a workout and moaning about the shape of the globe on Facebook. But anyway, I digress. Where was I?

Oh yeah, lists.

So I made a resolution to start learning guitar. Properly, this time. A few of my friends have done it, I started back when I was 14. Despite owning three guitars, one of which I made myself, I never could remember a single chord. I tried to stick to this resolution last year, too, but alas, apparently a pandemic gives you copious amounts of time, but its not always paired with motivation. Usually, I would look at the item on my list marked ‘guitar practice’ and pass it off as unimportant. I’ll do more tomorrow.

Now that I don’t make lists, I not only get to practising every day, but I remember more too. And this hasn’t just been the case for guitar. I decided to start learning Spanish on Duo, and I’m on my 31 day streak. I draw more, I read more, I’m more organised in my yoga and running (every Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and still manage to keep the apartment tidy, my bearded dragon alive and set aside more hours than I’m happy to admit on the internet to binge watching Supernatural. I’m not humble bragging (okay maybe just a bit, but now that I meditate I think the smug bug has got me just a tinsy bit) but I think this just shows how unessential lists are. A list can organise your time, but they can also create chores out of things you ought to enjoy. Hobbies are there for exactly that. Enjoyment. And as for cleaning, am I wrong for enjoying this too? It’s a part of life, we might as well make the best of it.

My point is, there comes a point where you’re doing things not because you want to, but because you feel like to have to. It’s exhausting, and its not as productive as you think. If you want to do it, do it. But you don’t have to. And don’t be scared to have a nothing day. Brains get tired, you know.

Uncategorized

2020 in Review

maymargaret

If there’s one phrase I keep hearing, its “I can’t wait for 2020 to be over” and the like. And yes, I get that. Its been a turbulent year. But the reality is that the pandemic will not be limited to 2020. In fact, the pandemic for many parts of the world began before 2020. Today, I wondered whether I’d still be judging people for not wearing a mask or standing 2 meters apart in a year’s time. It feels like second nature now, to distance and mask up each time I’m in a shop, and sneer at those for not doing so. Its been a unique year, to say the least.

But does that mean its write off? For many who have lost loved ones, who have been isolated, or who have faced this pandemic from the front line, perhaps that is the case. 2020 for many has, in short, been an absolute shit storm. Redundancies, job losses, cut backs, companies closing because they cannot fund running in the midst of a virus that results in reduced custom. But for the rest of us, 2020 has meant more time with family, working in the comfort of our jammies, and having just that little bit more time to take stock of our mental and physical health. Rather than declare 2020 as just a year that shouldn’t count, I’m taking it from my privileged position as a period in history in which I was there. Taking the good with the bad.

So what has 2020 been to me? And yes, I’m focusing on the positives. There’s too much negativity in the world to begin with.

2020 has meant branching out. More and different books, trying a few different crafts, watching a few different films. TV shows I’ve never thought about watching before. Having that time has meant not being too tired after a day’s work to do anything more than flopping on the sofa to watch the same old same old.

2020 has meant more time for education. I started and finished (and passed) my first module for my masters degree. Due to working from home, my lunch breaks and down time were filled with essays and reading as opposed to mindless scrolling through my phone.

2020 has meant fitness goals. Back in March I ran my first 10km, as I was meant to be doing a charity 10k elsewhere. Instead, I did it on my own, on a treadmill, in my living room, with a virtual tour of Vienna on the go on my TV. I’ve also been working more on my yoga, and I’m sure I’ve progressed (somehow).

2020 has meant more painting. Art has been in my life since my first bronchiosaurus drawing at the age of 5. But this year I’ve done many more commisions than usual, and its given me the chance to develop. I’ve painted birds and babies for the first time. Turns out I’m not too shabby if I do say so myself.

2020 has meant new experiences. I’ve never worked from home before, and I do quite like it. I passed my 1 year anniversary at my job on the 18th. Its also given me the drive to take my first long weekend trip on my own, which was not only greatly needed, but a big kick in my confidence of my own independence too.

2020 has meant moving out – last week, I moved in to an apartment with my fiance. A couple of arguments with the company selling us our table later (a further couple about the broadband) and I think we’re actually formulating a home.

2020 has, in short, meant progress. I’m a true believer in baby steps, that progress counts everywhere, and can happen anywhere. If you’re reading this, you have survived this pandemic so far. Maybe you’ve partaken in the plays streamed on YouTube, taken up a long distance course to pass the time. Maybe you’ve used your time to learn a few guitar chords. Whatever this year has been, its been an experience. Whether good or bad, we’re still here.

Merry Chrimbo and a Happy New Year

Xx

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Adulthood is Who You Are – Not what You’ve Achieved

maymargaret

I got accepted for an apartment yesterday. This might be no big deal for many my age (27) but it is to me. This is not only my first apartment. I’m moving out of my family home.

I’ve been self conscious about this fact, because so many people I know are already married with kids, a house of their own. All that adult stuff we’re told makes you an adult.

But most of my friends haven’t got that far yet. And yet, they still felt like more adult to me. They drive, for one. I don’t. I’ve settled on the fact that I’m just not meant to be a driver, and frankly, I’m okay with that. I’ve failed my test enough now to know its not meant to be.

I have been treated differently for this reason, however. Because I don’t drive or have chosen to stay at home until I could save enough for a deposit, I’ve often been called out for my lack of life experience. But this isn’t life experience. Its just a different life experience.

I’m sure loads of people my age have confronted this… this self anxiety, for want of a better term. Lying awake at night, wondering whether that person is more adult because they’ve done this, or done that. But now I see the use in having these thoughts. It really makes you see just what makes an adult. Is it a belief that as long as you have a car, house and bills, you quality as the font of wisdom? Or is it an awareness that often, these are just drilled into us to keep us spending, because apparently adulthood is so desirable?

So what if my life experience is different? I’ve still done my degree. I’ve still been in full time employment for my whole adult life. I’ve still paid my taxes. I’ve known work stress and anxiety, I’ve travelled much more than those who boast more life experience and have the driving licence to prove it.

So I say this; don’t be self conscious about where you are in life. I’ve gone too long thinking that I’m deserving of the condescension. If I’d followed that path, I wouldn’t feel what I feel now. Being an adult and being a grown up are two different concepts.