Tag: psychology

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Should Celebrities Be Punished More for Breaking Covid Rules?

maymargaret

Is it just me, or do people get more idiotic as the pandemic goes on?

I get it. We’ve been in this situation for going on a year now, and in some ways it feels like we are further away from coming out of it. Even with vaccines, the fourth just being announced, we are still a very long way from normality. And the longer we go, I guess the more tempting it is to just break a rule. Travel a bit further, meet a friend, hug a relative. And yet, so many of us haven’t. So why do so many think themselves above the rules?

For a few months now, £10,000 fines have been handed out left right and centre. From house parties to outdoor raves in abandoned train station tunnels, private funerals to 400+ strong weddings behind blacked out windows. But for some reason, famous people breaking the same rules just feels that bit more infuriating.

My prime beef is with the situation of Rita Ora’s 30th birthday party. We all know the story; 30 guests to a pricey upmarket restaurant in London, which was at the time a Tier 3 zone, which prohibited such gatherings. This happened weeks ago, but over the last couple of days police have issued further information concerning the set up of this party. Apparently, Rita Ora’s ‘team’ offered the restaurant £5,000 to open the restaurant and hold this private gathering, during which CCTV cameras were switched off (I believe, I know they were done to not capture the festivities, I’m a lousy researcher, and who has the time anyway?) and curtains blacked out the windows. When the police alerted the guests inside, they all fell quiet. Clearly behaviour of those being caught out.

So why is this so much more infuriating to me? I don’t think I’m alone in this either. The fact of the matter is, Ora was able to spend £5,000 just to ask this restaurant owner, who’s business had no doubt taking a hit in earnings, as so many other business have, to open this venue. The fine, which she so graciously offered to pay, was £10,000. Is that fair? This kind of fine might financially cripple so many, but I have an incling that £10,000 is not such a big deal to her. With numerous promotional deals for business ongoing, a new brand of tequila out, and a role in a frankly god awful looking film (yes, I love Oliver! and just let me have my rant) is she really regretful of her choices from an earnings perspective?

So this raises the question; should celebrities be punished more for breaking the rules? In short, I say yay. The fact of the matter is, she is a public figure. So many politicians have lost their jobs over travelling a long distance or going to pubs, partly because of their public image. As for the general public, their mistakes cost them an eye watering fine, potential naming and shaming among relatives, and maybe even blurred out footage posted online. This could be damning to anyone, and that’s why I think standardising the fine for everyone to one amount is unfair. I think a celebrity, a high earning public figure with a thriving career in multiple forms and a large following ought to pay a higher price.

Instead of a standard £10,000 fine, the fine should be worked out in a similar way to tax. A 5 or 20% cut, say, of their annual earnings for that year. Perhaps it should be donated to help towards the covid efforts, PPE and extra staff and all that. I also think that promotions of their own products should be suspended for a period of time. I think they should be held accountable for their actions, and maybe even throw a bit of suspended social media activity. Years ago, that would have sounded like grounding a teenager for staying out too late. Today, so much is achieved through apps such as Instagram, TikTok and Twitter, that it’s become a viable tool to become famous, and keep getting more famous.

For everyone, I don’t think it’s enough to issue adverts of radio asking us if we can look someone in the eye and lie about our adherence to the rules. Instead, I think it should warn those breaking the rules to such a brazen degree that if you choose to break them , no matter who you are, you are wilfully giving the powers that be permission to use your photograph and name and share your identity as one of the few who are potentially keeping us all in this mess. That they were contributing to the spread of a virus that has prevented people from meeting loved ones, from comforting a relative in their last moments, from celebrating life events in the way that they should be celebrated.

I think that if people feel their name, popularity and reputation is threatened, they are much more likely to comply than if they are told that people will die. Sad, isn’t it?

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Work Anxiety – Is Your Career Worth It?

maymargaret

I’ve always said that as long as I get on with my colleagues, can support myself, and not dread going into work every day, I’ll be happy in what ever I do. We are all cogs, paramount in keeping the world turning.

A couple of times however, I have doubted my own stance. For most of my working life, the jobs I have had had fulfilled the above. But I always felt I could do more. Those around me expressed that they thought I could do more. Sometimes, it makes you think that just being content isn’t the be all and end all.

But should pushing yourself to fulfill your potential mean sacrificing your comfort?

Today, we are encouraged to look after our mental health much more than we used to. But there are still gaps, reminiscent of the days of not so old, in which employers exhibit a kind of disregard for their employees. Mental health related sick days are still fairly unheard of. For most, the idea of calling in to work after a panic attack and telling the truth about why you don’t want to come into work might seem either mortifying, weak, or may actually be detrimental to our job security. But remember, you’re working to live – not living to work.

Back in 2019, I was between jobs, and got accepted by a pensions company in my area. It was perfect for me. I knew people there, it was close by. Upon starting, I discovered an array of career advancement opportunities that were preached to us every day for the three week long initiation. Plus, I love a good course. There were courses aplenty. Further, the place had its own coffee shop and a canteen that served steak on Thursdays.

But then the proper training started. The office was filled with either the prototype company people who can’t say a bad word (like, can’t) and the ones who’s souls had left and never came back. And while everyone else was to start on a simple task to get to know the system, another trainee and myself were put on the most complex one there was. No one agreed with this choice, but our team leader had none of it.

Over the next two months, I had one long cold and many chats with my coworker about how bad our lot was. We trained for weeks, and picked up only a hand full. Each catch up with our TL left us more disenchanted with the place, and more than a reasonable amount of my wage was spent on ham and cheese croissants just to make the day bearable. For lunch, I would take a walk. Each time I left the building, I had to drag myself back.

Then came the day when people started leaving. By the time I had made my choice to try and like the place, over half of my intake had vanished, never to be seen again. Stress was the leading reason. On my last day, I took a stroll to the local pond, and told myself I could just not turn up again. It was bad work practice, but hell, it would be satisfying. My coworker had also caused herself so much stress that she disclosed to me some personal health issues she’d been having.

The following day I called in, and left.

Preceeding this, I had taken 2 consecutive sick days due to a panic attack the night before. I requested a meeting with my TL to discuss moving onto another task, but she monopolised the conversation with my errors, ignoring or disregarding my points. It was an office with a high staff turn over, so they couldn’t afford for people to move.

So, what was so stressful about this job? Nothing, really. And yet, it was stressful nonetheless. It wasnt the job, it was the work environment. Unreasonable expectations of new, fresh starters. Above all, a hypocritical attitude that we should be, among other skills, able to handle mentally vulnerable customers with due care. What about us?

The thing is, while work places have taken strides in mental health education and awareness, some of them have been dragged kicking and screaming into acknowledging that they employ humans with minds and emotions. There’s still a long way to go, and, while it may not sound like a biggy, remember; work is a staple of our routine. It’s something we do every day. Would you rather do something that’s judged as worthwhile at the cost of your happiness? My fiance did; he went down the teacher route. And goodness, he hated it. Ironically, he moved to the place I discussed above, and while it’s not perfect, its a damn sight less stressful.

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100 Days of Nature – Day 18 – Early Mornings

maymargaret

Every morning, I get up early and go for a walk. My main drive is to wake up, get energized. But at quarter to 7 in the morning, the only time I can fit in before work, there’s emerged one drive to get up. ‘To capture the dawn’, as Michael Sheen says in Staged.

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Sexual Harrassment in the Work Place – It’s Not So Straightforward

maymargaret

How would you define sexual harassment? I guess that’s a loaded question, because today, we know that sexual harassment is much more wide spread than previously acknowledged. And, its not about sexual attraction. Much of the time, knowingly sexually harassing someone is a power trip. Even to those who don’t know they’re making someone uncomfortable, often they will ignore these complaints. From personal experience, anyway.

Now, I know that sexual harassment works both ways. Men and woman alike are guilty of it, as with everything. I also believe that women, in today’s society, are given more free reign in that respect. But that’s another post for another time.

Sexual harassment isn’t black and white. As I have learned, its a complex process I didn’t understand could be so damaging until knowingly experiencing myself, a couple of times in one work place to varying degrees. Two examples come to mind.

My first experience includes a man the work force acknowledged as a well meaning, yet odd fellow. Much older than I was, and yet we worked in a place in which the huge workforce contained many different kinds of people, and we talked. Soon, I heard rumours that he’d been talking about me while I wasn’t around, commenting on my tattoo and about how I looked that day. I also heard that he was telling people he was in love with someone in the work place, and they began to put two and two together. We lived near eachother, and he would cross the road to talk to me, and stare into my home as he walked passed.

The second example was more acute. The above happened over years; this one took a month. Another man, who’d started exhibiting strange behavior and outbursts though known for being mild mannered, asked to walk me home. I said no (politely), and later that day he got in my face, in front of other staff, and warned me against gossiping. A few days later, he gave me a handwritten letter. In it, he disclosed that he was romantically interested in me, an interest I’d repaid with physical and verbal flirtations. I had never spoken to the man. He warned me against playing with his emotions, and accused me of outwardly lying to him about my relationship status. He signed it.

I reported him the following day, and despite warnings against coming up to me, he did. He tried to punch the guy who tried to remind him of what he’d been told, and he was fired.

During this, I actually Google searched what constituted as sexual harassment, or just harassment in general. To me, harassment had to be defined by certain behaviours and actions before I could report it. And yet, I discovered that it wasn’t so simple, and yet, I had many more grounds than I thought.

If someone is making you uncomfortable, it shouldn’t be on you to cope with it, and let them go on. Don’t feel sorry for the lonely individual who doesn’t seem to realize they’re being a bit full on. They might make excuses for themselves, and they might even think that their emotions absolve them of any blame. It doesn’t. You are not responsible for how they feel, or think they feel, much like I wasn’t responsible for those two people. When they were asked to stay away and respect my boundaries, did they listen? Not very closely.

Some people only have to be told once, and they leave you alone. Others don’t realize their error, or do, but carry on anyway. That can make you feel so powerless, but you aren’t. Companies, at the very least, are obligated to listen. And don’t think that your harassment story doesn’t count. Yes, there are many more extreme examples. But who’s to say yours couldn’t become one of them, if not nipped in the bud?

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My Pandemic Resolutions

maymargaret

I started last year with so many plans. I guess different goals to what I actually ended up doing, but still, last year could have gone a very different way. Concerts, festivals, travelling… basically everything I resolved to do, or usually do anyway, was cancelled. As a frequenter of Download Festival and person who loves to travel, last year sucked a bit on that part. My second missed opportunity to see Iron Maiden, and now I wonder whether its meant to be.

And while so many expect (an expectation fueled by wishful thinking, perhaps) to be in the midst of a moshpit during the summer months of 2021, I kind of trust that they’ll be disappointed. While so many concerts are covid safe, a festival in which communal toilets and general suspension of usual hygiene standards are perhaps a staple of the weekend experience, the pressure to lock onto the virus will inevitably lead to further cancellations. So, what to do?

I dont want to end this year disappointed, as so many have. And, usually, I dont make what might be traditionally termed as resolutions. But I do like goals. I see both sides of the coin. I like doing things there and then, but I also like putting a time stamp on achievements. I like to look back on the year and think of what I did with my 365 days, and last year was no different. There was a tremendous amount I couldn’t do, but in a way, maybe thats why I did the stuff I actually did. So this year, I want to make a point of setting goals I know will be achievable, even during these enduringly uncertain times.

1. Read more – I read a ton, but it could always be a bit more varied. I’ve recently gotten into dystopia fiction, so maybe a wider scope is on the horizon yet.

2. Learn to play guitar – this has been a goal of mine since 14, but there’s always something else to do. But I want to get out of this year with at least one song learned that isn’t Metallica related.

3. Watch more films – I love my movies. Often movie lovers (from my personal experience) have been judged as couch potatoes. But I’m the best at movie quizzes, if I do say so myself.

4. Run 15km – last year I reached 10, and kind of just stuck to 5 after that.

5. Finally achieve side splits – yoga has been a bit intermittent this year. But now I have the space to do it, so no excuses

6. The three peaks challenge – this was last year’s goal, and the one that didn’t come to fruition. Scafell, Snowdon and Ben Nevis. I’ve done the later two at very different times, so I’d like to make all three.

7. Try self publishing – gotta start somewhere right?

8. Paint more for pleasure – last year I took on a lot of commissions. So many that, while I enjoyed painting members of peoples family, it took the creativity out of me a bit.

9. More photography – I got into taking photos last year, specifically of simple pleasures. Flowers, the sky, the butterfly heading this post. I’d love to have canvases of them.

Were going into this year with a bit of an advantage, if that’s the right word. We know to treat it with caution. We know not to make plans, or at least, we know what plans not to make. This year could still pan out in so many ways, good or bad, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t count, right?

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2020 in Review

maymargaret

If there’s one phrase I keep hearing, its “I can’t wait for 2020 to be over” and the like. And yes, I get that. Its been a turbulent year. But the reality is that the pandemic will not be limited to 2020. In fact, the pandemic for many parts of the world began before 2020. Today, I wondered whether I’d still be judging people for not wearing a mask or standing 2 meters apart in a year’s time. It feels like second nature now, to distance and mask up each time I’m in a shop, and sneer at those for not doing so. Its been a unique year, to say the least.

But does that mean its write off? For many who have lost loved ones, who have been isolated, or who have faced this pandemic from the front line, perhaps that is the case. 2020 for many has, in short, been an absolute shit storm. Redundancies, job losses, cut backs, companies closing because they cannot fund running in the midst of a virus that results in reduced custom. But for the rest of us, 2020 has meant more time with family, working in the comfort of our jammies, and having just that little bit more time to take stock of our mental and physical health. Rather than declare 2020 as just a year that shouldn’t count, I’m taking it from my privileged position as a period in history in which I was there. Taking the good with the bad.

So what has 2020 been to me? And yes, I’m focusing on the positives. There’s too much negativity in the world to begin with.

2020 has meant branching out. More and different books, trying a few different crafts, watching a few different films. TV shows I’ve never thought about watching before. Having that time has meant not being too tired after a day’s work to do anything more than flopping on the sofa to watch the same old same old.

2020 has meant more time for education. I started and finished (and passed) my first module for my masters degree. Due to working from home, my lunch breaks and down time were filled with essays and reading as opposed to mindless scrolling through my phone.

2020 has meant fitness goals. Back in March I ran my first 10km, as I was meant to be doing a charity 10k elsewhere. Instead, I did it on my own, on a treadmill, in my living room, with a virtual tour of Vienna on the go on my TV. I’ve also been working more on my yoga, and I’m sure I’ve progressed (somehow).

2020 has meant more painting. Art has been in my life since my first bronchiosaurus drawing at the age of 5. But this year I’ve done many more commisions than usual, and its given me the chance to develop. I’ve painted birds and babies for the first time. Turns out I’m not too shabby if I do say so myself.

2020 has meant new experiences. I’ve never worked from home before, and I do quite like it. I passed my 1 year anniversary at my job on the 18th. Its also given me the drive to take my first long weekend trip on my own, which was not only greatly needed, but a big kick in my confidence of my own independence too.

2020 has meant moving out – last week, I moved in to an apartment with my fiance. A couple of arguments with the company selling us our table later (a further couple about the broadband) and I think we’re actually formulating a home.

2020 has, in short, meant progress. I’m a true believer in baby steps, that progress counts everywhere, and can happen anywhere. If you’re reading this, you have survived this pandemic so far. Maybe you’ve partaken in the plays streamed on YouTube, taken up a long distance course to pass the time. Maybe you’ve used your time to learn a few guitar chords. Whatever this year has been, its been an experience. Whether good or bad, we’re still here.

Merry Chrimbo and a Happy New Year

Xx

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An Overdue Covidiot Rant

maymargaret

Has anyone else rolled their eyes more than normal in the last few weeks? Because I have. And not just in that what are they like the little tykes kind of manner. I mean the, what on earth are you thinking you absolute *very bad word I’m not comfortable saying on the internet* kind of way.

Usually in terms of covid. I know, I know. Covid again. We’re all living it, right? But some aren’t. Apparently, some are immune to the rules. Inject exaggerated quote marks to the word immune. They’re a select minority, but I think that’s why they’re so infuriating.

For a while, I’ve been seeing the terms conspiracy and mind control. Apparently, covid is a conspiracy to keep us under control. I beg the question, how on earth does keeping families apart, urging people not to go and spend their money at restaurants, creating strain for an already stretched national health service, benefit the government or the powers that be? Genuine question. I’d love to hear the rational.

Secondly, two celebrities have been exposed as flouting the rules. On social media. One of them infuriated me more than one. This one was a birthday party. How many people have forgone birthday celebrations, gatherings with families and (sorry to be grim) meetings with dying family members, because of covid? And yet a 30th birthday party goes ahead. Are these people so used to worship that they think outright disregard for rules will just further reinforce their status as higher than us normal folk? Or do they think a shallow apology in which they throw buzzwords out such as ‘misjudged’ will earn pity?

This has been ongoing for the better part of a year. A year, for many. How can you not know how to judge the situation by now?

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Simple Underrated Pleasures

maymargaret

1. Going for a walk or a run when the sky is beautiful.

2. Clean sheets and lavender after a long day.

3. Watching a good old movie.

4. Eating something just that little bit indulgent with some mindful music playing.

5. Breaking the monotony at your desk by playing a cheesy classic; my present choice is Celine Dion’s version of I Drove All Night.

6. Eating alone in a cafe or restaurant, not a rush or care in the world.

7. Appreciating the colours of the clouds just as evening is settling in during winter.

8. Going to bed knowing that you did your best, were your healthiest, and now this is your time.

9. Realising you don’t have to be productive all the time to improve yourself and your mood

10. Doing something that typically causes you anxiety, because, at the end of the day, what the hell.

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Reasons to Create – Besides Views and Likes

maymargaret

When it comes to being an artist, I’m not a fan of social media. If you read my views concerning Instagram and using it to get follows and likes, you probably gathered this already. But, in a climate of so many creaters, its probably crossed your mind once or twice to just down tools, and find something else to do. Or, maybe you’ve been tempted to sacrifice what makes your work unique for something more uniform, more sharable. More potentially viral.

This has happened to too many. Sometimes, a born artist just isn’t a born advertiser of their own work. Maybe modesty gets in the way, or the paranoia that many will say you think you’re better than you are puts you off. For me, self promotion is just a nightmare, and I can’t do it. I can’t be one of those people who sends out their own work to the personal accounts of potential audience members. I tried it once to see how it went, and I just felt like a double glazing sales person.

On the flip side, I also question why being an artist means, to other people, that you should get your art out there. Now, hear me out. I know what you’re thinking, what is the point? What is the point in creating artwork if you’re the only person who sees it, or at most, the friends and family who follow you on your Facebook page?

The thing is, self promotion can be exhausting. I’ve said it before, I think some artists *ahem content farms ahem* but more effort into social media and making sharable content than actually putting effort and passion into their work. Its disheartening to say the least, but you shouldn’t stop.

So why should you keep creating, even if you don’t want to advertise?

1. Its nice to have a talent – I love creating. Its something I’ve always done, and it’s one source of self pride I have when I feel a bit rubbish. Whether it’s painting, sketching or pottery, I’ve always found myself feeling much better after doing something; as long as you like it and feel proud, what else matters?

2. An outlet – creating can relieve stress. Whether its a mindful exercise or just something to take your mind away from something causing you anxiety, having that time away to just make something with your own skill can be highly cathartic.

3. It doesn’t mean you can’t make money – over the last few months I’ve had a few commissions; birds, family portraits, and pet portraits. Sometimes, family can be very useful for singing your praises, and soon the requests start rolling in.

4. Its not how it used to be – one of the most widely used anecdotes artists use to console their lack of sales is that Van Gogh sold one painting in his lifetime, to a man called Julien Tanguey. But we are not in Van Gogh’s lifetime, and now, so many styles and methods are accepted that if Van Gogh were of today’s generation, his success may have been different. Who knows. Its mere speculation. But, again, there’s just so many artists battling for follows, recognition, views… who knows whether Van Gogh’s work would have been so unique and distinctive in today’s climate?

5. It might happen one day, so keep going – as arduous as it might be, if you’re that sure you want to get recognition, then just keep going. Stick to your principles and style, don’t be afraid to try new things if that’s what you want to do. Work up your portfolio, and stay true to yourself. Utilise your imagination. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to stumble across you.

6. You can still inspire – a couple of months ago, I went to London in something I can only describe as escaping. I just felt generally rubbish, and needed a change of scenery, people, all that. One day, I was walking around a very quiet National Gallery, and got a ping through Facebook. Someone had spotted the below painting on a page, and she was asking permission to try and recreate it. It was a lovely moment, and I was more than happy to give permission.