Tag: social media

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Adulthood is Who You Are – Not what You’ve Achieved

maymargaret

I got accepted for an apartment yesterday. This might be no big deal for many my age (27) but it is to me. This is not only my first apartment. I’m moving out of my family home.

I’ve been self conscious about this fact, because so many people I know are already married with kids, a house of their own. All that adult stuff we’re told makes you an adult.

But most of my friends haven’t got that far yet. And yet, they still felt like more adult to me. They drive, for one. I don’t. I’ve settled on the fact that I’m just not meant to be a driver, and frankly, I’m okay with that. I’ve failed my test enough now to know its not meant to be.

I have been treated differently for this reason, however. Because I don’t drive or have chosen to stay at home until I could save enough for a deposit, I’ve often been called out for my lack of life experience. But this isn’t life experience. Its just a different life experience.

I’m sure loads of people my age have confronted this… this self anxiety, for want of a better term. Lying awake at night, wondering whether that person is more adult because they’ve done this, or done that. But now I see the use in having these thoughts. It really makes you see just what makes an adult. Is it a belief that as long as you have a car, house and bills, you quality as the font of wisdom? Or is it an awareness that often, these are just drilled into us to keep us spending, because apparently adulthood is so desirable?

So what if my life experience is different? I’ve still done my degree. I’ve still been in full time employment for my whole adult life. I’ve still paid my taxes. I’ve known work stress and anxiety, I’ve travelled much more than those who boast more life experience and have the driving licence to prove it.

So I say this; don’t be self conscious about where you are in life. I’ve gone too long thinking that I’m deserving of the condescension. If I’d followed that path, I wouldn’t feel what I feel now. Being an adult and being a grown up are two different concepts.

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So what if you’re not a career type?

maymargaret

I’ve had a few jobs in my time. Not as many as some, but maybe more than others. That makes me sound like I can’t hold down a post, but I spent 5 years at my first company while I studied for my degree part time. It was clerical, mundane, and same old. And I wouldn’t change that for the world.

There’s a comfort in repetitive jobs. Whether yours may be desk post like mine, or production operative (I’ve done a bit of that, too) or call centre job, we’ve probably all had a moment (or moments) where we’ve doubted the importance of our role in the wider scheme of things. Scrolling through Instagram doesn’t help, watching your friends, or strangers for that matter, apparently ‘doing life’ better than you. All these phrases and buzz words start emerging for what we see; living their best life, winning at life, life goals. Career types who travel for work and wear sharp, flattering outfits. Al fresco breakfasts on the patio of the villa they’re staying in for the week to get away from the hustle.

It can make one feel quite inadequate, can’t it? But the grass isn’t always greener, as they say.

As I’ve said, I work a desk job. Its dull, and for now, a bit dead end. But I can listen to books on Audible, and go for a job in my lunch break. I can work at home, and I count it as a blessing that my work has gone otherwise uninterrupted during the pandemic.

I’ve known some of these career types, however, personally. It isn’t always pretty, and there’s a lot of sacrifices. My fiance was a teacher for about a year, and goodness, he hated it. The good intention was there, and I’m sure he was a good teacher, too. But that was only a small part of a job that demanded too much evening time, too much weekend time, and holidays that could only be taken at certain times of the year. He made himself ill for a long time, and finally he quit to work for my old company. Someone else I know has no hobbies, and has never travelled out of the country (we live in the UK) because he just doesn’t see the point. That’s okay, but the career he has placed so much importance on is actually going nowhere.

Now, I am only speaking from my point of view. There are many people out there with careers and lives they enjoy, and have found that balance. But I reckon there’s more of us who have had those doubts late at night, knowing we have the potential. Sometimes, knowing we have potential is good enough. But sometimes, it makes it worse. It makes it feel like we’re wasting a gift.

But I think, from my experience, careers aren’t worth it. Last year, I had the opportunity to work in a counselling setting. I’m a qualified counsellor, and I’d be getting the chance to interact with patients. I was also assured in the meeting that in time, I might be referred to train as a counsellor myself.

But I hated it. I dont know what it was, but I hated it. I missed the safety of mundane, repetitive, no stress. I felt guilty, because I’d looked forward to this job so much. But then, I learned that maybe educational endeavours and professional don’t always mix. I learned that sometimes, your aspirations might not always be what you want to do, but what you want to want to do. What you think you should want to do.

So now I’m content with my desk job. I’m well travelled, studying for my masters, with a load of hobbies and I’m writing stories. And I dont think i’d be that person if I was a career type.

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Being an Artist on Instagram – Is it Toxic?

maymargaret

I’ve been drawing, painting, sketching literally since I was a kid. When I was 5, I drew a dinosaur from a book, and I was so proud of it I glued it to my dad’s birthday card. That was all I needed. As long as I was proud of what I’d done, that was enough.

However, today is a different day. Art is something wider, further reaching, than it used to be. Today, we often judge our talent by the number of likes we get on a post on Instagram. We judge our capabilities on the number of followers we have.

But more doesn’t always mean better.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s some wonderful, talented artists out there, and their work speaks for itself.

And then there’s Follow for Follow.

So a few weeks ago I decided I wanted to get my work out there a bit more. More often that not, I’m content with creating at my own pace, when the moment strikes.

But sometimes, I wonder what the point of creating is if no one’s seeing what I’m creating. Essentially, its an argument at the root of most, if not every creator since creating began. To be seen, to be approved… to make money.

And this was how I learned about follow chains (probably the term, but self explanatory). Basically, you added yourself to a list and sent it to a number of people, who were meant to do the same in some context. Or, you’d post your account link to Facebook groups and promise to follow back. I found out that many people probably put more effort in this part than the actual creating.

Now, it did work a bit. But it didn’t feel good. I knew that these people weren’t looking at my work, which was what I wanted. That’s all we all want, really. But numbers talk.

I want to say that I’m not judging these people. The Internet is so full of creations that we have to come up with ways just to be seen. But what I dont like is the sense of failure that comes with it, and the disappointment of not being seen more.

I had to take a social media break after that stint. It was disheartening, seeing so many sacrifice their creativity, their originality, for something sharable. Something that was going to be approved of, understood instantly, something in the hope of getting likes and followers. Art, to me anyway, should be a projection of oneself. Or, it should be something we are ultimately proud of by ourselves. Regardless of social media performance. If we haven’t got pride in ourselves, what is it worth?