Tag: to do lists

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Small Acts of Kindness That Aren’t as Small as You Might Think

maymargaret

I think that it’s better to do the right thing for the wrong reason than to do nothing at all. To be selfless, truly selfless, in my opinion, doesn’t really exist. As humans, we tend to do things if they serve us. Even charity is often preached with an incentive. A cuddly toy to sponsor a snow leopard, a medal in exchange for a sponsored run (not to mention the photo opportunity). But does that make it bad? Is the benefit of our own self esteem so selfish? Positive reinforcement does encourage behaviour after all (it’s what it’s there for) so why wouldn’t you want to feel good after doing something nice for someone else? Altruism makes the world go round.

But, there are so many things stopping us from being kind sometimes, that have nothing to do with guilt. Maybe we’re afraid of looking foolish incase our help is rejected, or maybe we might come off as patronising. No one wants to look naive or vulnerable either, and I’ve also heard say in one of my rare deliberate attempts of being nice that it comes off as childish.

So, while the world has been put on hold while we battle a pandemic, there has been so many stories of heroes raising funds for so many different causes, while so many of us are wondering what we can do. The truth is, often it’s the small acts that contribute just as much, or more, perhaps, than one central one.

1. Food donations – in every supermarket I go to there are bins for food collections in aid of homeless or struggling families, and sometimes animals, too. Ask around for spare tins of food, or just toss a few in your shopping with the intention of donating them.

2. Reviews – yes, reviews can make or break a business. Rant time, but I have one person in mind, who felt it pertinent to expose a small frozen yoghurt business for triggering displays. The thing is, one nice review for a small business can make one person’s day, and encourage custom. If you’re tempted to write a bad one, consider why you felt your service was bad. Was the server short with you? Maybe they had a bad day. Was the food late? We are in the time of covid, where restrictions and limitations mean that resources may be spread thin. If you really need to, contact the business and give them pointers. Otherwise; you know, maybe the people of that small Californian froyo business have reasons for wanting to encourage healthy options? The world isn’t built for you, Demi. Attacking a business and sharing screenshots shows one intention; to ruin them. But why?

3. Offer to help a colleague – if you think someone might need help, offer to help, whether it’s workload or just a task they need covering while out of be office for an appointment. They may brush it off and say they’re fine, but it’s nice to have the option.

4. Say hi to a friend – we’ve all been feeling isolated recently, and maybe the days have become so same old that we don’t realise how long it’s been since we spoke to someone. Saying hi let’s someone know that you’re thinking of them, and that you’d like to talk to them. As someone who has known the loneliness of not having friends, I know that this is such a powerful thing to receive.

5. Just being pleasant – never underestimate the value of manners and a nice smile; it might renew someone’s faith in the human race. You never know who is having a rough day, and just being entitled isn’t worth it. Smile and wave, boys. If a cashier person asks you how you are, ask them back. While it might not be etiquette, it might also offer a nice break to thoughtless customers who just ignore the person because, well, it’s their job.

6. Recognising if someone wants to talk – apparently I have a kind face. Which means I smile a lot, and I don’t look like I’m just wishing the person to shut up. And when I’ve been told I’m easy to talk to, it feels nice. And yes, maybe someone might get that vibe from you as a stranger at a train station, but as long as there are people around, what is the harm? I remember when, in broad daylight by the way, someone just started talking to me at the train station, and it was probably a little bit of a shock for him that I allowed him. He told me about the recent death of his parents and how he and his sister have taken on their business. He may have been bullshitting, but maybe, just maybe, he needed to offload. For every asshole, there’s 10 genuine people who just want to rant to a stranger.

Remember, though; you can say that you’re there for someone whenever they want you to be. But that doesn’t mean you always can be available. Maybe you need help, because, well, everyone needs help sometimes. Saying you don’t doesn’t change that. But, if someone offers you help, what’s the harm in taking it? If a colleague offers to help you, they probably feel good in themselves already. Don’t be put off by thinking you’re inconveniencing someone else. To every piece of help there’s someone who wanted to help, and wants to continue helping. Helping makes us feel good, and we spend so much time feeling bad about ourselves and the world around us, but what does that achieve?

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Are To Do Lists the Death of Productivity?

maymargaret

If you have read any of my earlier blogs, you would know that I love a good list. Or, at least, loved. They’re organised, neat, and just creating one can give you a sense of productivity and control. A list represents order, allotted time for certain tasks.

But there’s another side to them, too. Lists can show you how much you have to get done, how much you think you have to do, just to complete the list. If you’re the way I was, an incomplete list is like having an altogether unproductive day. For me, having just one item left, forgotten about or pushed back until the end of the day, was both frustrating and daunting. If i’m honest, it was usually my 10 minute session on Duolingo, learning some French I probably wouldn’t remember afterwards. If I did it, it was the bare minimum, but it counted, didn’t it?

Not necessarily.

I can’t remember the last list I made. I haven’t abandoned them altogether mind, and that’s not what I’m suggesting. But really, what does a to do list contribute towards getting all that necessary, and unnecessary, stuff done? Because I’ve found that not tying myself to a task not only makes me more productive, but it also leaves me much more free time.

So this year I made a dreaded, apparently doomed to fail new years resolution. Doomed to fail because, beyond the first couple of weeks of January, aren’t resolutions doomed to fail by simple self fulfilling prophesy? I think people make them sometimes just to fail them, and then they can laugh about it later about how naive they were, how hopeful they began the shit storm of a year behind them (for some people, no matter what happened in that year, it’s inevitably going to be branded a shit storm.). There’s almost a culture being created around choosing drinking wine in place of a workout and moaning about the shape of the globe on Facebook. But anyway, I digress. Where was I?

Oh yeah, lists.

So I made a resolution to start learning guitar. Properly, this time. A few of my friends have done it, I started back when I was 14. Despite owning three guitars, one of which I made myself, I never could remember a single chord. I tried to stick to this resolution last year, too, but alas, apparently a pandemic gives you copious amounts of time, but its not always paired with motivation. Usually, I would look at the item on my list marked ‘guitar practice’ and pass it off as unimportant. I’ll do more tomorrow.

Now that I don’t make lists, I not only get to practising every day, but I remember more too. And this hasn’t just been the case for guitar. I decided to start learning Spanish on Duo, and I’m on my 31 day streak. I draw more, I read more, I’m more organised in my yoga and running (every Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and still manage to keep the apartment tidy, my bearded dragon alive and set aside more hours than I’m happy to admit on the internet to binge watching Supernatural. I’m not humble bragging (okay maybe just a bit, but now that I meditate I think the smug bug has got me just a tinsy bit) but I think this just shows how unessential lists are. A list can organise your time, but they can also create chores out of things you ought to enjoy. Hobbies are there for exactly that. Enjoyment. And as for cleaning, am I wrong for enjoying this too? It’s a part of life, we might as well make the best of it.

My point is, there comes a point where you’re doing things not because you want to, but because you feel like to have to. It’s exhausting, and its not as productive as you think. If you want to do it, do it. But you don’t have to. And don’t be scared to have a nothing day. Brains get tired, you know.

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2020 in Review

maymargaret

If there’s one phrase I keep hearing, its “I can’t wait for 2020 to be over” and the like. And yes, I get that. Its been a turbulent year. But the reality is that the pandemic will not be limited to 2020. In fact, the pandemic for many parts of the world began before 2020. Today, I wondered whether I’d still be judging people for not wearing a mask or standing 2 meters apart in a year’s time. It feels like second nature now, to distance and mask up each time I’m in a shop, and sneer at those for not doing so. Its been a unique year, to say the least.

But does that mean its write off? For many who have lost loved ones, who have been isolated, or who have faced this pandemic from the front line, perhaps that is the case. 2020 for many has, in short, been an absolute shit storm. Redundancies, job losses, cut backs, companies closing because they cannot fund running in the midst of a virus that results in reduced custom. But for the rest of us, 2020 has meant more time with family, working in the comfort of our jammies, and having just that little bit more time to take stock of our mental and physical health. Rather than declare 2020 as just a year that shouldn’t count, I’m taking it from my privileged position as a period in history in which I was there. Taking the good with the bad.

So what has 2020 been to me? And yes, I’m focusing on the positives. There’s too much negativity in the world to begin with.

2020 has meant branching out. More and different books, trying a few different crafts, watching a few different films. TV shows I’ve never thought about watching before. Having that time has meant not being too tired after a day’s work to do anything more than flopping on the sofa to watch the same old same old.

2020 has meant more time for education. I started and finished (and passed) my first module for my masters degree. Due to working from home, my lunch breaks and down time were filled with essays and reading as opposed to mindless scrolling through my phone.

2020 has meant fitness goals. Back in March I ran my first 10km, as I was meant to be doing a charity 10k elsewhere. Instead, I did it on my own, on a treadmill, in my living room, with a virtual tour of Vienna on the go on my TV. I’ve also been working more on my yoga, and I’m sure I’ve progressed (somehow).

2020 has meant more painting. Art has been in my life since my first bronchiosaurus drawing at the age of 5. But this year I’ve done many more commisions than usual, and its given me the chance to develop. I’ve painted birds and babies for the first time. Turns out I’m not too shabby if I do say so myself.

2020 has meant new experiences. I’ve never worked from home before, and I do quite like it. I passed my 1 year anniversary at my job on the 18th. Its also given me the drive to take my first long weekend trip on my own, which was not only greatly needed, but a big kick in my confidence of my own independence too.

2020 has meant moving out – last week, I moved in to an apartment with my fiance. A couple of arguments with the company selling us our table later (a further couple about the broadband) and I think we’re actually formulating a home.

2020 has, in short, meant progress. I’m a true believer in baby steps, that progress counts everywhere, and can happen anywhere. If you’re reading this, you have survived this pandemic so far. Maybe you’ve partaken in the plays streamed on YouTube, taken up a long distance course to pass the time. Maybe you’ve used your time to learn a few guitar chords. Whatever this year has been, its been an experience. Whether good or bad, we’re still here.

Merry Chrimbo and a Happy New Year

Xx

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‘Today I Did’ Lists – Like To Do Lists, But With More Possibilities

maymargaret

I love to do lists, and I loathe to do lists. Making a to do list can make one feel so productive, so important. You can look upon it and think, there. Now all I have to do today is to achieve all these things, and I’m productive. I’ll be achieving something. I will go to bed tonight, and I’ll sleep soundly.

More often than not, however, my lists go incomplete. I’ve not done my 15 minutes of Duolingo French, or put my washing away, or any other apparently essential task that will take me one step forward to being a fully functioning adult who feels smug with all the things they’ve managed to achieve before tea time. Not achieving these things make me stressed, no matter how little or unimportant they are. It means going to bed with no sense of achievement at all, and that is toxic productivity for you.

So I’ve had a brain child today. This evening, actually. I’ve realised I’m much more productive without a list, and so the ‘what I did today’ list is born. Its basically making a list of, well, what you did that day. It’s probably already a thing, and nonetheless my present brain child probably needs a snappier name. But even if it is already a thing, this is why you should be doing it.

1. No set up for fail – it’s tempting to put too much on a to do list. Five items doesn’t seem enough, but 10 does. 15 – even better. But sometimes, a small task (such as my 15 minute Duolingo sessions) can seem daunting when written down. Only doing 10 minutes might mean not being able to tick it off. But, instead of focusing on what you didn’t do, at the end of the day, making a list of all the things you managed to achieve in the last few hours could make a huge difference. A 10 minute Duolingo session can finally make the cut.

2. Better quality – if I put myself down to do something, I’ll probably feel like doing the bare minimum, just so I can tick it off. It counts, right? But it doesn’t always feel good doing things that way, and can take the fun out of it. In contrast, doing something spontaneously, like a run or a big cleaning session, can probably turn out better than if planned. We’re doing it because we want to.

3. More productive – for me, this has made me more productive, and I see things as less of a chore. This evening, I cleaned the kitchen, recorded a video for my YouTube channel, designed some Christmas cards for my mum’s care home, and cleaned my office before bed. I felt like I was doing something, and it felt a damn sight better than squeezing everything in before six just to be able to relax.

There’s probably a ton more reasons I could come up up with, but at the end of it, everyone’s different. To do lists do have their plus points, but in the age of toxic productivity, we tend to place more focus on what we fail to get done. And in the age of toxic productivity and the mental strain of a pandemic, surely we should be cutting ourselves some slack, and drawing on the positives?