wellbeing – Paint a Mental Picture

I think that it’s better to do the right thing for the wrong reason than to do nothing at all. To be selfless, truly selfless, in my opinion, doesn’t really exist. As humans, we tend to do things if they serve us. Even charity is often preached with an incentive. A cuddly toy to sponsor a snow leopard, a medal in exchange for a sponsored run (not to mention the photo opportunity). But does that make it bad? Is the benefit of our own self esteem so selfish? Positive reinforcement does encourage behaviour after all (it’s what it’s there for) so why wouldn’t you want to feel good after doing something nice for someone else? Altruism makes the world go round.

But, there are so many things stopping us from being kind sometimes, that have nothing to do with guilt. Maybe we’re afraid of looking foolish incase our help is rejected, or maybe we might come off as patronising. No one wants to look naive or vulnerable either, and I’ve also heard say in one of my rare deliberate attempts of being nice that it comes off as childish.

So, while the world has been put on hold while we battle a pandemic, there has been so many stories of heroes raising funds for so many different causes, while so many of us are wondering what we can do. The truth is, often it’s the small acts that contribute just as much, or more, perhaps, than one central one.

1. Food donations – in every supermarket I go to there are bins for food collections in aid of homeless or struggling families, and sometimes animals, too. Ask around for spare tins of food, or just toss a few in your shopping with the intention of donating them.

2. Reviews – yes, reviews can make or break a business. Rant time, but I have one person in mind, who felt it pertinent to expose a small frozen yoghurt business for triggering displays. The thing is, one nice review for a small business can make one person’s day, and encourage custom. If you’re tempted to write a bad one, consider why you felt your service was bad. Was the server short with you? Maybe they had a bad day. Was the food late? We are in the time of covid, where restrictions and limitations mean that resources may be spread thin. If you really need to, contact the business and give them pointers. Otherwise; you know, maybe the people of that small Californian froyo business have reasons for wanting to encourage healthy options? The world isn’t built for you, Demi. Attacking a business and sharing screenshots shows one intention; to ruin them. But why?

3. Offer to help a colleague – if you think someone might need help, offer to help, whether it’s workload or just a task they need covering while out of be office for an appointment. They may brush it off and say they’re fine, but it’s nice to have the option.

4. Say hi to a friend – we’ve all been feeling isolated recently, and maybe the days have become so same old that we don’t realise how long it’s been since we spoke to someone. Saying hi let’s someone know that you’re thinking of them, and that you’d like to talk to them. As someone who has known the loneliness of not having friends, I know that this is such a powerful thing to receive.

5. Just being pleasant – never underestimate the value of manners and a nice smile; it might renew someone’s faith in the human race. You never know who is having a rough day, and just being entitled isn’t worth it. Smile and wave, boys. If a cashier person asks you how you are, ask them back. While it might not be etiquette, it might also offer a nice break to thoughtless customers who just ignore the person because, well, it’s their job.

6. Recognising if someone wants to talk – apparently I have a kind face. Which means I smile a lot, and I don’t look like I’m just wishing the person to shut up. And when I’ve been told I’m easy to talk to, it feels nice. And yes, maybe someone might get that vibe from you as a stranger at a train station, but as long as there are people around, what is the harm? I remember when, in broad daylight by the way, someone just started talking to me at the train station, and it was probably a little bit of a shock for him that I allowed him. He told me about the recent death of his parents and how he and his sister have taken on their business. He may have been bullshitting, but maybe, just maybe, he needed to offload. For every asshole, there’s 10 genuine people who just want to rant to a stranger.

Remember, though; you can say that you’re there for someone whenever they want you to be. But that doesn’t mean you always can be available. Maybe you need help, because, well, everyone needs help sometimes. Saying you don’t doesn’t change that. But, if someone offers you help, what’s the harm in taking it? If a colleague offers to help you, they probably feel good in themselves already. Don’t be put off by thinking you’re inconveniencing someone else. To every piece of help there’s someone who wanted to help, and wants to continue helping. Helping makes us feel good, and we spend so much time feeling bad about ourselves and the world around us, but what does that achieve?

Opinion and Advice, Uncategorized

There Was Such Thing as Normal, and We Will Find it Again

24th Jun 202112th Jun 2021 maymargaret

Sometimes, I write a post for me. Actually, no. All the time, I write a post for me. A bit like a diary entry that I know people will be able to read. My thought is, what kind of thing would I like to read at a specific moment? What would help me right now? So I write something that would have done me good to read.

It’s normal to be apprehensive right now. A few months ago, we were in pubs and shopping aggressively to make up for the weeks or months spent in lockdown. By the New Year, it felt like we were back to square one. No restaurants to eat at, no Primark to shop in for clothes that we wouldn’t be able to wear until the next gathering. Just same old boring waiting at home, watching our lives pass by while key workers did their bit and saved the world.

And now here we are, going out again and trying to find where our normal is. I’ll be honest, it still feels far away. I go to the gym, and the odd meal out, but the arrow system and the increased number of anti bac dispensers are a constant visual reminder that we still have a ways to go. And it might be tempting to follow what an increasing number of people are doing; trying to rush into it. Since the vaccine has rolled out in it’s droves, it’s clear to see that some people think that we are well and truly out of the woods. But it’s thinking like that that kept us in lockdown in the first place.

So how can we still find our normal in these circumstances? And, importantly, how can we embrace the inevitable change a pandemic will bring?

1. Expect it to take time; it’s not going to happen instantly. There are enough sayings, proverbs and fables to remind us that things take time if they’re worth having at all. It might be a huge shift to go from staying in at night to choosing to go to a restaurant, or even from getting your shopping delivered to your home to going to your local shop to pick up the coffee. Baby steps might be your best option here.

2. Set your boundaries – your friends might be eager to rush out into the world and hug you the first chance they get. But this doesn’t mean you’re ready for such close contact. I’ll be honest, the social distancing thing, besides in terms of my family, has suited me down to the ground. I love having an excuse to not get close to people besides my own discomfort of closeness and touchy feely ickiness. I have a friend who is, contrastingly, very fond of hugging, and insists on hugs every time we meet. I don’t see the point in this; I didn’t miss her, I don’t need comfort, and I am generally not overly comfortable with it. When you go out there again, and see the people you haven’t seen for so long, set your limits to what you’re comfortable with; we’ve all lived this pandemic, and they ought to understand.

3. Not all changes will be bad – man, I miss buffets. I miss stuffing my face until I feel ill, but I also can’t ignore how it is rather a gross concept, potentially eating food that others have touched and, in any case, has been exposed to the air, containing pathogens catapulted into it via coughs, sneezes, laughter etc. I think the buffet is too ingrained into society to be phased out, but there are still changes I hope to see stay for the long term. I like anti bac being readily available, particularly going into shops where other people have touched the items I’m also going to touch. I like ordering on the phone app at Pizza Hut and not having to wait a very long time for the bill when all I want to do is go home and slip into a carb coma. I like everyone wiping down the gym equipment, even though they’re usually supposed to anyway but how many people really stick to it? I like arrows, I like order, basically. Even masks I’ve become quite fond of, particularly now that I can talk to myself without anyone seeing, or sing, or mutter insults to rude people. Sure, many of the rules and restrictions will lift, and they will be phased out, very many of them leaving with minimal sadness from any of us.

4. Decide what your normal you want, and chase it – not everyone entered this pandemic as someone who loved the nightlife, hugging, eating out most nights and travelled. To many, the pandemic brought very few restrictions, because that was how our lives were anyway. For me, I’m a mix. I love going out, and I love travelling and concerts, but I also enjoy staying in and enjoying my own company. Don’t feel like to have to do things simply because you can do them again. I can’t stand nightclubs. I’ve been to two in my life, and that’s enough for me.

5. Don’t let fear stop you – I know someone who’s been isolated since before Christmas, because she’s too scared to go out. For her, embracing normal is likely to be delayed and very difficult. Do things, and do them sooner rather than later. If you’re scared to go to a shop, go to a shop. You’ve survived a pandemic, you know what to do. Likewise, if you want to go to the gym, or swimming, do them. They’re safe and controlled at the moment, and as long as you do your part, you’ll be perfectly fine.

lists, Opinion and Advice, Uncategorized

Back to Life, Back to Reality – Learning to Appreciate

16th Jun 202112th Jun 2021 maymargaret

How many generations can say they have had their lives put on pause, just to be started up again more than a year later? Not in our life time has something happened on this scale, and it will feel strange as restrictions ease, and we can think about getting back to normal life. But what is normal life? For me, its going to an office to work, to a library or a cafe to study and watch the world pass by, to go on a holiday at least once a year. Simple pleasures, but as we inch closer to those things becoming more than a distant dream, we might find how much we appreciate them. Even if we appreciate them for only a moment, a fraction of a minute, it’s enough to feel it. It’s enough to make me see, anyway, that average life is something to yearn towards, with all its nooks and crannies, and that those little things really do matter.

So what have you missed?

Here’s my list, just because I’ve missed it all so much that I want to talk about it.

1. Eating at a restaurant – the first time I went to a restaurant after the last lockdown lifted, it was a new place in my local town centre called the Flying Elephant, and really, they could have served slop and I would have been thrilled to just be out seeing people. Alas, it was gorgeous and tasted all that much better because it was, at that moment, an out of the ordinary experience.

2. Travelling without feeling guilty – as I don’t drive, I rely on the public transport available such as trains. To keep myself mentally healthy, I based my office at my parent’s place, and my efforts paid off. I kept myself isolated, did my testing. But each time I travelled I still felt like a criminal.

3. Gyms – I love the gym, and yes, I know you can work out at home and go for a run anywhere, but there’s the atmosphere, the camaraderie, at a gym. Everyone there for the same goal, and I think that if you see other people working out, it encourages you to work harder. Plus hygiene is finally being kept up by everyone wiping down equipment, which is what they should be doing anyway.

4. Saunas – Ah, the reason for this post. I love saunas, steamrooms and hot tubs, and for the first time in over a year I used one, and it was wonderful, and I slept like a baby.

5. Travelling within the UK – once a month my fiance and I will typically do a weekend stay in the country. These places have included Stratford Upon Avon, Cambridge, Lincoln and Chester, but this has been on hold (obviously). But we’re planning a trip to Bath in a couple of weeks. It’s something to look forward to, to plan, as a little break from the norm.

The ordinary stuff, up until recently, went relatively unnoticed and unappreciated. I took for granted the liberty of going to a gym, out for a meal, hugs… with certain people, anyway. I know it won’t stick; not for me, not for everyone. But to understand how wonderful our normal routine truly is, even for a moment, is enough.

nature, photography

100 Days of Nature – Day 99 – Imperfection, Resilience

25th May 202125th May 2021 maymargaret

To me, the aging process of flowers is beautiful. The wear and tear on the petals as they age add detail and character, much like people. Damage and imperfections show resilience and strength.