workplace – Paint a Mental Picture

I’ve always said that as long as I get on with my colleagues, can support myself, and not dread going into work every day, I’ll be happy in what ever I do. We are all cogs, paramount in keeping the world turning.

A couple of times however, I have doubted my own stance. For most of my working life, the jobs I have had had fulfilled the above. But I always felt I could do more. Those around me expressed that they thought I could do more. Sometimes, it makes you think that just being content isn’t the be all and end all.

But should pushing yourself to fulfill your potential mean sacrificing your comfort?

Today, we are encouraged to look after our mental health much more than we used to. But there are still gaps, reminiscent of the days of not so old, in which employers exhibit a kind of disregard for their employees. Mental health related sick days are still fairly unheard of. For most, the idea of calling in to work after a panic attack and telling the truth about why you don’t want to come into work might seem either mortifying, weak, or may actually be detrimental to our job security. But remember, you’re working to live – not living to work.

Back in 2019, I was between jobs, and got accepted by a pensions company in my area. It was perfect for me. I knew people there, it was close by. Upon starting, I discovered an array of career advancement opportunities that were preached to us every day for the three week long initiation. Plus, I love a good course. There were courses aplenty. Further, the place had its own coffee shop and a canteen that served steak on Thursdays.

But then the proper training started. The office was filled with either the prototype company people who can’t say a bad word (like, can’t) and the ones who’s souls had left and never came back. And while everyone else was to start on a simple task to get to know the system, another trainee and myself were put on the most complex one there was. No one agreed with this choice, but our team leader had none of it.

Over the next two months, I had one long cold and many chats with my coworker about how bad our lot was. We trained for weeks, and picked up only a hand full. Each catch up with our TL left us more disenchanted with the place, and more than a reasonable amount of my wage was spent on ham and cheese croissants just to make the day bearable. For lunch, I would take a walk. Each time I left the building, I had to drag myself back.

Then came the day when people started leaving. By the time I had made my choice to try and like the place, over half of my intake had vanished, never to be seen again. Stress was the leading reason. On my last day, I took a stroll to the local pond, and told myself I could just not turn up again. It was bad work practice, but hell, it would be satisfying. My coworker had also caused herself so much stress that she disclosed to me some personal health issues she’d been having.

The following day I called in, and left.

Preceeding this, I had taken 2 consecutive sick days due to a panic attack the night before. I requested a meeting with my TL to discuss moving onto another task, but she monopolised the conversation with my errors, ignoring or disregarding my points. It was an office with a high staff turn over, so they couldn’t afford for people to move.

So, what was so stressful about this job? Nothing, really. And yet, it was stressful nonetheless. It wasnt the job, it was the work environment. Unreasonable expectations of new, fresh starters. Above all, a hypocritical attitude that we should be, among other skills, able to handle mentally vulnerable customers with due care. What about us?

The thing is, while work places have taken strides in mental health education and awareness, some of them have been dragged kicking and screaming into acknowledging that they employ humans with minds and emotions. There’s still a long way to go, and, while it may not sound like a biggy, remember; work is a staple of our routine. It’s something we do every day. Would you rather do something that’s judged as worthwhile at the cost of your happiness? My fiance did; he went down the teacher route. And goodness, he hated it. Ironically, he moved to the place I discussed above, and while it’s not perfect, its a damn sight less stressful.

How would you define sexual harassment? I guess that’s a loaded question, because today, we know that sexual harassment is much more wide spread than previously acknowledged. And, its not about sexual attraction. Much of the time, knowingly sexually harassing someone is a power trip. Even to those who don’t know they’re making someone uncomfortable, often they will ignore these complaints. From personal experience, anyway.

Now, I know that sexual harassment works both ways. Men and woman alike are guilty of it, as with everything. I also believe that women, in today’s society, are given more free reign in that respect. But that’s another post for another time.

Sexual harassment isn’t black and white. As I have learned, its a complex process I didn’t understand could be so damaging until knowingly experiencing myself, a couple of times in one work place to varying degrees. Two examples come to mind.

My first experience includes a man the work force acknowledged as a well meaning, yet odd fellow. Much older than I was, and yet we worked in a place in which the huge workforce contained many different kinds of people, and we talked. Soon, I heard rumours that he’d been talking about me while I wasn’t around, commenting on my tattoo and about how I looked that day. I also heard that he was telling people he was in love with someone in the work place, and they began to put two and two together. We lived near eachother, and he would cross the road to talk to me, and stare into my home as he walked passed.

The second example was more acute. The above happened over years; this one took a month. Another man, who’d started exhibiting strange behavior and outbursts though known for being mild mannered, asked to walk me home. I said no (politely), and later that day he got in my face, in front of other staff, and warned me against gossiping. A few days later, he gave me a handwritten letter. In it, he disclosed that he was romantically interested in me, an interest I’d repaid with physical and verbal flirtations. I had never spoken to the man. He warned me against playing with his emotions, and accused me of outwardly lying to him about my relationship status. He signed it.

I reported him the following day, and despite warnings against coming up to me, he did. He tried to punch the guy who tried to remind him of what he’d been told, and he was fired.

During this, I actually Google searched what constituted as sexual harassment, or just harassment in general. To me, harassment had to be defined by certain behaviours and actions before I could report it. And yet, I discovered that it wasn’t so simple, and yet, I had many more grounds than I thought.

If someone is making you uncomfortable, it shouldn’t be on you to cope with it, and let them go on. Don’t feel sorry for the lonely individual who doesn’t seem to realize they’re being a bit full on. They might make excuses for themselves, and they might even think that their emotions absolve them of any blame. It doesn’t. You are not responsible for how they feel, or think they feel, much like I wasn’t responsible for those two people. When they were asked to stay away and respect my boundaries, did they listen? Not very closely.

Some people only have to be told once, and they leave you alone. Others don’t realize their error, or do, but carry on anyway. That can make you feel so powerless, but you aren’t. Companies, at the very least, are obligated to listen. And don’t think that your harassment story doesn’t count. Yes, there are many more extreme examples. But who’s to say yours couldn’t become one of them, if not nipped in the bud?

Tag: workplace

Work Anxiety – Is Your Career Worth It?